Wisdom from a very wise woman…

“Every woman knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

Now, before the entire feminine persuasion gets riled up over that quote…I must inform you that those words were spoken by a very wise, very gentle, very sweet woman…

My mother.

Those words were uttered one warm and sultry summer day after my dad came home and informed my mom that a neighbor woman was washing her car in a swimsuit and half of her swimsuit was up the crack of her butt.  

As I remember it, the conversation went something like this…

“You can see her entire butt cheek!” my dad exclaimed.  “How does she not know?”

To which my mother (with a look of disbelief on her face) replied“When your underwear is riding up, can YOU feel it?”

My dad answered, “well…sure…but…”

And that’s when my mother’s gaze turned to me, even though she was still speaking to my dad, and she said . . . “Women always have a motive.  Every woman…no matter their age…knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

At that moment, even though my mom was actually talking to my dad, a life lesson was passed on to her son that has protected me from a lot of bad situations and relationships with worldly women who sought to manipulate or lure me into precarious situations.

In my pathetically humble opinion women might be manipulators.  They might be more frustrating than an icy sidewalk in June.  They might even be more of a royal pain the ass than an actual pain in the ass, but one thing’s for sure…women are not stupid, nor are they dumb, nor are they confused.  With that said my mother’s words of wisdom ring true to this day.

Therefore… Men.  Take note…

When a woman wears a certain perfume or a low-cut blouse…she knows why.

When a woman wears a shorter, tighter skirt or dress…she knows why. 

When a woman styles her hair a certain way…she knows why.

When a woman looks in a certain direction more than once…she knows why.

When a woman flips her hair, giggles at a bad joke and gently touches a man’s arm…she knows why.

When a woman makes an effort to draw attention to herself…she knows why.

When a woman wears certain makeup or jewelry…she knows why.

When a woman does anything, wears anything, says anything . . . SHE . . . KNOWS . . . WHY. 

 

I don’t know which is more pathetic . . . that men still believe women aren’t that smart or that women are still able to pull the wool over the eyes of men by pretending to be not that smart.     

 

 

 

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What to Expect on a Day Without Women…From a Man’s Perspective…

For some reason liberal women think the world will stop revolving without them showing up for work for one day…

 

BAWWWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for that laugh.  I needed that this morning (as he drys the tears of joy from his eyes).

You silly women who bought into the idea that you’re all that and a bag of bovine chips.  You really have no idea how thankful we men are that you didn’t show up for work.

Because a day without women in the work place…

…is the day men get to make decisions without having someone interject their “feelings” about how they don’t agree with the decision that needed to be made. 

…is the day men are able to work in silence.  

…is the day men can talk like men without fear of persecution or harassment.

…is the day we men have more bathrooms to use. 

…is the day men don’t have to listen to some pathetic conversation about a soap opera, the bachelor, a pathetic failed relationship, complaints about how men never listen, stupid telephone conversations and how children won’t behave.

…is the day “bitchy” won’t be used to describe someone.  

…is the day that will go down in history as a day of rejoicing for all men.   

 

It’s pathetic for women to think that they are SOOO important to the work place that not showing up for one day will cause the world to collapse and all men to view them differently. 

 

Humiliation

jerk

Yet again a woman I liked uttered those humiliating words. . .

“I don’t want to date you.  Please don’t pursue me.”  

And after replying with,  “okay.  I won’t.  we’re just friends.  I get it…”  I then heard in a rather pathetic, albeit panicked and stressed, tone…

“No…I really mean it.  Please don’t pursue me!  I really don’t want to date you.”

The Office_Jim

 

I gotta tell ya, to hear those words for the umpteenth time in my life is not any easier than the first time I heard them.  I take it personally.

It’s very much like having a dagger slowly but firmly pressed deep into my chest until it penetrates my heart and once the perpetrator knows they have shoved the dagger deep enough into my chest . . . they proceed to give it a few twists.

Painfully speaking, I’ve also found that once is not enough for a woman to tell me her desire that I not pursue her.

no!  

For some reason. . . maybe it’s because they think I’m a pathetically dense idiot like all the other hapless Joe’s on the block. . . they feel the need to repeat their command a second time…however, the second time is when they feel the necessity to drive the point home with added emphasis on specific words such as, really don’t and you.

After all, it’s obviously not enough pathetic humiliation for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and tell someone who doesn’t feel the same way that I like them.  

too-late

 

 

 

 

For the Women

dating2

 

A study conducted at UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle or past menopause.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to a men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to me more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

 

The Pathetic Question

 

Soooo, here’s a random question my mother asked me this past weekend: 

“What if you meet a really nice woman who looks at you and says, ‘You can communicate really well, you’re attractive, you look me in the eye when we talk, you don’t do drugs or drink or sleep around, you have a relationship with God and know Him intimately, and I find you to be a very attractive man and would very much like to date you and spend more time with you.’  Would you be open to dating her?”  then she added:  “Before you answer, let me add this: What if she tells you that she’s never been naked in front of another man?”

Here was my pathetic reaction: 

The Office_Jim

I love my mom, but wow…she can ask some really pathetic questions to which I have no answers.

 

Failure

sinking

Over twenty years ago I met a woman who took my breath away.  I still remember the day when I first saw her walking into a room filled with people.  It was as if all time stood still and no one else existed.  That image has been seared into my brain like a brand on a calf’s hind quarter, and sadly, so was every moment thereafter.    

For three years she dated other guys.  Guys who treated her like garbage, guys who argued with her, guys who acted like she was a piece of meat; and for the same three years I prayed specifically for her, and I waited.  

I waited for our relationship to be stronger . . . I waited for her to be finished with the other guys who treated her like crap . . . I waited for God to provide the perfect opportunity for both of us to be ready for the other.  It took all of those three years. 

After three years, She was no longer dating any of the other guys and we had built a pretty solid friendship that I thought was filled with trust and admiration for one another, so I took a chance and asked her out.  She said yes. 

Over the next few weeks we spent a lot of time together.  It was a lot more than usual for two close friends.  We talked a lot.  Sharing our hopes and dreams, pains and sorrows, likes and loves.  For all the time we spent together our friends could see there was something wonderful brewing between us, but what none of us could ever guess was that behind the scenes God was working on a different plan.  

A number of weeks into the relationship she dropped a bombshell on me…there was another guy that she had been talking with and she had made the decision that he was the one she wanted to spend her life with.  

I was devastated. 

She married him a year later.

I’ve tried to fill the void…tried to move on…tried dating other women…tried praying over it…tried “giving it up to God”…tried making excuses…tried rationalizing it, but what I didn’t know then or want to realize at the time was that very event was orchestrated to be the beginning of the end of my relationships with everyone…including God.  

Jump ahead twenty four years…

Woman after woman has lied to me about “loving me”.  They typically run away from me and into the arms of another man who has more to offer, leaving me with the grandest of all lies: “God has something great in store for you.”  

And over the years with every blow of every failed relationship my mind, soul and spirit has been beaten to the point of exhaustion.  I am, today, a very cynical, very bitter, very angry, very broken man.  

My heart is in pieces.  My soul is crushed.  My spirit is on life support.  I take every negative action personally, as if it’s an attack on my very soul.  I have no desire to be around people, no desire to achieve, no desire to move forward, no desire to care.  

I’ve become a robot who goes about their day waiting for their owner to shut them down.  It’s quite pathetic, but it’s the truth.  

I hate everyone and everything, including myself.  I blame God for everything and why shouldn’t I?  After all, isn’t he all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present?  Doesn’t he desire to bless his children?  Does he want our faith in him to grow and be strengthened?  After 40 years of waiting…40 years of service…40 years of letting go…40 years of hoping…40 years of prayer…40 years of (fill in the blank)…shouldn’t he answer me?   

I know what I’m saying sounds like a selfish child.  I understand that God decides which prayers he will answer and when…no one can ever force God’s hand…but having to deal with so many failed relationships, and having to wait for such a long time for mister slow-poke to answer just one pathetic prayer; I’ve grown a bit callous and my heart has become very hard.  I still believe that God exists, but I struggle to believe that he wants or desires to bless his children.  

I’m not sure the God I was raised to trust in and have faith in really desires to reward those who seek him.  maybe some day that will change, but the older I get, and the more I see failed answers to prayer, the more I’m prone to believe that God’s not capable.  

Truth is, it’s all pathetic and there’s nothing new under the sun.  We’re here to work.  To slave our lives away until we get so old that we can’t work anymore and then we die.  If a relationship comes where we can love and be loved too, that’s a blessing…if they don’t…I guess that’s a blessing too.  

…. . . . . . .  sigh . . . . . . . . ….

~ Pathetic.  

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