Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  

Anyhoo…

Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…

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Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”

– 

— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…..no.”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”

++++++++++++++

Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    

 

I’m cursed

 

The place I work sucks!

It really does.

I don’t like the atmosphere or the people.

The conversations are horribly redundant.

I don’t look forward to going into work because I know what I’m about to deal with for the day.

I dread every single morning and even some evenings before I go to bed, mainly because I know that morning is coming.

While driving to work I have to force myself to actually turn into the parking lot and not keep driving until I hit the mountains or the ocean.

My manager isn’t that great and normally wants to talk about some stupid board game he’s into.  A topic I care nothing about.

The upper management has no clue on how to operate a business and is financially irresponsible.

One of my co-workers is lazy and spends most of his time on Facebook or some other social media site that has nothing to do with his job.

He loves hearing the sound of his own voice which means that I normally have to listen to his stupid stories about his grand kid or his son or his daughter or some other idiotic story that I care nothing about.

We have to share the office with another team that loves to discuss stupid topics and most of the time we have to listen to one guy complain about software, hardware, politics, his medical problems or just some random issue that got him riled up that day.

The whole office is a petri dish of gossip, slander and down-right horrible stupidity.

The only saving grace is that I get a half day on Friday’s.

The only reason I’m stuck here is because no one else will hire me.

 

 

 

What to Expect on a Day Without Women…From a Man’s Perspective…

For some reason liberal women think the world will stop revolving without them showing up for work for one day…

 

BAWWWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for that laugh.  I needed that this morning (as he drys the tears of joy from his eyes).

You silly women who bought into the idea that you’re all that and a bag of bovine chips.  You really have no idea how thankful we men are that you didn’t show up for work.

Because a day without women in the work place…

…is the day men get to make decisions without having someone interject their “feelings” about how they don’t agree with the decision that needed to be made. 

…is the day men are able to work in silence.  

…is the day men can talk like men without fear of persecution or harassment.

…is the day we men have more bathrooms to use. 

…is the day men don’t have to listen to some pathetic conversation about a soap opera, the bachelor, a pathetic failed relationship, complaints about how men never listen, stupid telephone conversations and how children won’t behave.

…is the day “bitchy” won’t be used to describe someone.  

…is the day that will go down in history as a day of rejoicing for all men.   

 

It’s pathetic for women to think that they are SOOO important to the work place that not showing up for one day will cause the world to collapse and all men to view them differently. 

 

Something…Brewing

work1

I feel like something bad is going to happen at my work place either today, this week or in the near future.

Over of the past year the people here have been basically put on notice that they won’t be losing their jobs, but there isn’t a guarantee they will be keeping their jobs either, and this has been causing a lot of stress among the cattle.  

Also, I have a co-worker on my team who isn’t exactly the most positive person in the world and last week our supervisor had to talk to him about saying things that were inappropriate in the work place.  

This is the umpteenth time he’s been talked too about his vocabulary and his negative attitude.  

 You might ask, why does he still have a job?  

Welllll. . . sadly, our pathetic human resources department is about as lazy and inept as a group of people can be.  

Instead of firing people who have been spoken too repeatedly or written up multiple times for their lack of effort, irrational behavior or down-right pathetic negativity, the human resources department makes it a point to extend the leash a few more feet.  In other words, they like to give people more time to figure it out; therefore, he still has a job.

Honestly, I can understand giving someone a chance or two, but when they constantly repeat the offense over a period of ten or fifteen years…

umm…

yeeeeaaaahhhhh….. no. . . That person’s gotta go.  

Yesterday he was moody and a little out of sorts, so I’m not all that excited about working next to him today and really hope he calls in sick. 

I’d really like to leave this place and find a better environment, but I have no idea where that would be.  

Anyway…if something does happen here at my workplace, it’s been nice knowing ya.

– 

Workplace Pathetic

yelling1

So, I started my new job back in May of this year, and I was kind of excited to get started with this team because it was a change from the everyday melodrama that was everyday life.

After the first month things seemed to be all good and well.  We all got along, the guys seemed to be hard workers, they showed up everyday and training went great; but once I was comfortable with the layout of the job and the scope of my duties, reality set in.

Both of the guys I work with are burned out and really don’t want to be here.  They, along with my supervisor, have informed me that they aren’t all that happy.

One of the guys I work with has been here for 15 years, the other has been here for 6, and the things they have had to put up with would drive even the most patient person in the world to the point of indifference and unconcern.  Both really don’t like their jobs, but they show up everyday and do as little as they can.

When I started this job, I was led to believe in the interview as well as conversations during training that we were a team and would be splitting the workload and that isn’t happening.

Our supervisor and I had a talk a few weeks ago about this very thing, but instead of venting and complaining, I casually mentioned that I seem to be doing more than the other two and that I would appreciate it if they would do a little more.  During our conversation he said something that I found to be strange and a bit hypocritical.

He mentioned that before I came on board, he had three employees and one of the guys was carrying more weight than the other two.  Basically, the completed request ratio was around 10 requests to every 3 or four for the other two guys on the team.  This went on for about four years and eventually the guy complained about it to our supervisor, but even after talking with the other two and trying to balance the workload, the discrepancy never changed.

So, he knew for some time that both guys I work with are burned out and then he informs me that even though he knew that, he still made the decision when I started back in May to take one of them off the requests that come in so only two of us would be handling the workload.  Myself and one of the guys who doesn’t carry his weight.

His purpose for that was because the guy didn’t really want to do it anymore and my supervisor needed a backup for all the work he does, so he figured taking him off the request list would be the best way to fix that problem.

Sooooo…you have a team of three people.  One guy is doing more work than the other two and gets burned out.  He complains that the workload isn’t being distributed fairly, the other two don’t care.  One of them quits.  You hire someone as a replacement, then take ONE employee off the workload and leave the new person along with one of the remaining people who are proven not to carry their weight to divide the work between two people.

Does that sound logical?

scratching head

Yeah…it left me scratching my head because I don’t find that logical at all.  I find it pathetic!

You only have three employees!  How in the world do you figure that removing one of them from the workload is going to balance the workload when one of the two doesn’t really want to carry their weight?

Isn’t that like being stuck in a revolving door?  I mean someone’s eventually going to get burned out again, and sadly, that someone happens to be me.

And what’s even more sad?

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

…siiiiiiiiiigh…

Pathetic!  That I’m looking for another job after being in this one for only 6 and a half months.

(I’m so damn tired…)

 

 

 

 

 

And Yet Another Face Palm

throat punch

Pinata showed up to work today after taking off all last week for an illness that she made up. 

How do I know she made it up?  Because Pinata is the stupidest woman on the planet. Let me explain…

Just after returning from lunch I heard her on the phone.  I presumed that it was a personal call because she was laughing hysterically about something, and her creepy witch-like cackle usually means she’s talking with her niece or someone close to her and not helping a client. 

After attempting to drown out the nuisance that is her voice, something she said piqued my interest and made me perform yet ANOTHER of the many face palms that occur in my cubicle everysingleday

Here’s a little slice of her conversation…

“Yes…we did some amazing things!  He took me to the federal museum memorial where they take you on a tour and show you all the pictures and then there’s this audio that plays and it’s SOOO powerful.  It made me cry.  

“Then on Wednesday he took me to a place where they serve some of the best food.  I have to go there again. 

“What? …  No…  I had such a blast with him and we spent ALL LAST WEEK walking around Oklahoma City and …”

facepalm3

Oh, wait!…wait!…wait! ! !  

It gets even more pathetic!!!  

You know how I told you my supervisor was all in a tizzy trying to reach Pinata on the Friday she left early to get her back in the office?? …if not, you can read it here.   Ummm… yeeeaaahhh…  not so much!

So after hearing Pinata say that she was in OKC all last week, I quickly sent an instant message to Pippi and asked if she and Pinata had discussed the recent trip to OKC, to which Pippi replied…

“Oh yeah!  She met some guy online who lives in Texas and decided to meet him last week in Oklahoma City.  After she got back, we met for drinks on Saturday night and she told us all about it.

“Me and Mandy (our supervisor) were not happy that she was going to meet this guy; and we tried to talk her out of it, but she decided to go anyway. 

“She drove down last Sunday and gave her itinerary to myself and Mandy (our supervisor) about where she would be staying and what her plans would be each day because we were really worried about her and wouldn’t let her go without knowing her every move and how to reach her…”

So…

Pinata was never sick.

She left early to pack and get ready for her “date”.

My supervisor knew where she was going and that she wouldn’t be in the office all last week.

It was all a ruse when my supervisor acted like she was worried about Pinata leaving Bullhorn and I alone during one of the more horrendous months our call center has experienced.

And the worst part…there’s nothing any of us can do about it because it was all “approved” and if I go to HR it just sounds like I’m a disgruntled employee who needs counseling or anger management.

If I’ve never said this before, let me say it now…

This place is pathetic.


My Arch-Enemy

Nemesis1

Every superhero has an arch-enemy; Popeye has Bluto, Superman has Lex Luthor, America has Politicians, Seinfeld has Newman and Sherlock has Moriarty so it’s easy to understand that all good has an evil countermeasure to contest its will, strength, patience and fortitude.

Me being the superhero that I am, I too have an arch-enemy and its name … is Pippi.

I’ve worked with Pippi for a couple years now and in my dealings with her we’ve had our ups and downs.  Mainly downs…but that’s only because I determined a long time ago that she’s a manipulative, lazy, worthless person who delights in making others grovel for her respect.  And since I won’t do that, she doesn’t like me and has tried to ruin my life and get me fired.

A few things about Pippi.  First, The reason I call her Pippi isn’t because she’s cute with red hair and freckles.  She’s actually very unattractive, but she does have red hair and freckles and she’s loud and obnoxious, so I call her Pippi because it just fits.  I know…I know…it’s all very pathetic!  Can you blame me?  (don’t answer that!!!)

Second, and this shouldn’t surprise anyone, Pippi and Piñata are the best of friends.  Both of them believe that they can do whatever they want.  This is evident by how often they each watch movies, read books and make numerous personal phone calls during the day instead of actually working.   

Truth is, the reason they feel so free in our office is because over the years they both have manipulated our supervisors by using the extremely brilliant, yet devious superpowers that Pippi possesses: subtle Manipulation, subtle Blackmail & subtle Gossip.  Otherwise known as: Bullying.

nemesis4Here’s how they do it…Pippi and Piñata work together by luring their unsuspecting prey into thinking they want to be friends and would like to spend some time getting to know them.

They invite the unsuspecting prey out on the town by offering a fun evening of dinner and drinking; however, what the “prey” doesn’t know is that after a few months of being wined and dined, Pippi and Piñata will each learn something about the prey that is embarrassing, damaging or demeaning.  Afterwards, they share their information with one another, in private of course, and then hold that against the prey as a means to blackmail to manipulate them into getting what Pippi or Piñata want.

It’s classic bullying, and Pippi and Piñata have attempted (and in most cases succeeded) to do this with everyone in the office.

However, my superpower is the ability to repel the likes of bullying, shameful tactics and manipulation wherever it may rear its ugly head!  (shouldn’t there be some kind of heroic music playing right now?  …   no?  …  oh well  …  anyway  …)  Since I was able to see through her very deceptive, diabolical and extremely brilliant game (typical behavior of an archenemy), she now sees me as a formidable foe and has taken it upon herself to do everything she can to get me out of the office and off her team.

Which brings me to a story.

The very first month that we began working on the same team, Pippi asked if she could join me on one of my daily walks.  Since I was new to the team, I thought it would be a good idea to “make friends with the locals”, so I agreed.

During our walk we talked about work related stuff and one of the issues we discussed was the problem of stress in our office.  It seems like there are so many people who bring family issues into the workplace, that our office has become an institution for the clinically miserable.  So I made a comment that I understood why some people in this world “go postal”.   She laughed and then started joking about who she thought we should worry about more.  The whole conversation was funny and light-hearted…or so I thought.  Little did I know that Pippi was attempting to use her evil superpower on me.

Later that afternoon I get a message from my supervisor that she wanted to see me in her office immediately.  Turns out that Pippi didn’t care for our “going postal” conversation and completely spun it to my supervisor that I was thinking about doing it.  She had my supervisor so worried that I was almost placed on probation and assigned to a social worker for observation outside of work. 

office_shame

Granted, and even though I had been in the office for a while, I had only been with this team for a month, so my supervisor didn’t know me very well.  It was a good 30 minutes of trying to explain my position and the details of the conversation I had with Pippi before my supervisor was willing to accept that I wasn’t the one who would be “going postal”.  

Since then, Pippi and I haven’t been able to see eye-to-eye on much of anything.  I trust that woman about as much as a field mouse can trust a rattlesnake.

So, I hope you can see why Pippi and I don’t get along.  If not, let me add that numerous times Pippi has made reference to owning a gun, and while this shouldn’t appear to raise any alarms, Pippi has also informed our entire office that she wouldn’t be afraid to … and I quote… “defend herself at all costs if anyone got in her way.”  I’ve learned to take that with a grain of salt and two Advil.

On a related note, a couple years back she also bought a handheld taser and decided to bring it into the office for “show-n-tell”.   Kudos to management for actually stepping up in that situation and making sure she took her “toy” home.  I don’t know if they would have had it not been for a select few in the office who raised a fuss that we didn’t care for her having a “weapon” in the office. 

So these instances pretty much set the tone for our current relationship.

Sadly, and for some time, this office has had to endure her paranoia, stupidity, laziness, lack of respect, abusive speech, immoral conduct and overall disdain for any ideas myself or my co-workers may have presented in a meeting.

She believes that the whole world centers around her, and sadly the management treats her likewise.  It’s a continuous feeding of the beast and the rest of us have had to suffer.

Nemesis2Almost everyone in the office is afraid of this woman, including our supervisors, but I think it’s because she has something on everyone of them and that worries them all.  I say ‘almost’ because I’m the only one who isn’t afraid of her.  Funny thing is…I have a lot on her and she has nothing on me. 

I’ll share more stories as time goes on…but for now, just know that having an arch-enemy is pathetic.