Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  

Anyhoo…

Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…

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Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”

– 

— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…..no.”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”

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Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    

 

Standing my ground…Dealing with inept co-workers

I work on a team of three people.  We had four, but one quit late last year because he was tired of people not doing their work.  

Well…let me rephrase that…

He quit because after almost ten full years with the company he grew tired of having to bail out ONE specific person who refused to complete their assigned work.  

Here’s the poop, each of us has specific responsibilities that we’re assigned to.  Responsibilities that aren’t very difficult.  Assigned by our supervisor.  That should be completed in a specific amount of time. 

Matter of fact…this is probably the easiest job I’ve ever had.  Unfortunately, for a specific someone on my team…they tend to make it more difficult, and for some strange reason that person can’t seem to understand the concept of getting the work done on time. . . or at all.   

For example, when a new request comes in that is assigned to him, he lets it sit in his queue for months.

There have been times where he will let work sit in his queue for up to a year or longer.  

Never acknowledging the request was assigned to him.  

Never updating the request with a status of where he’s at in the process of completing the work.  

Never contacting the person who made the request to let them know if there’s a delay or a problem or when the task will be completed.

Oh, one might think that he’s probably burned out and doesn’t want to do this specific job anymore, but if that were the case, he’d do more to make that evident . . .

which he doesn’t . . .

So I don’t believe that being burned out is the problem.

Two years ago when I first started this job, I began hearing from a lot of people about how bad this co-worker of mine has been over the years.  People were sharing their stories of failed orders, lack of accountability, communication, laziness, slacking and just down right unacceptable behavior.

I asked why they haven’t complained about him, but I always received the same reply…“we have!!  but no one takes our complaints seriously!  He’s been like this for over ten years!!”

Many of you reading this might be asking yourself if management knows about this person’s ineptitude?  

Incredibly, yes they do.  

Management has tried to move him to another team or even fire him; but since the human resources team here at my little pathetic basket of hell is afraid to do their jobs, he remains employed.

And of course, he always has an excuse for delaying the work or never completing the work.  

His reasons are endless, but after only a couple years of being his co-worker I’ve managed to figure out the two main causes of why he’s so inept:

  1. He spends practically 6 hours a day on Facebook and other social-networking sites.  
  2. Years ago he was trained by a lazy, old man who constantly repeated the phrase: “don’t get it done too quickly, or they’ll always expect it.” 

Neither of these are conducive for providing proper customer service or getting your work done in a decent duration of time.

That brings us to the here and now.

After a nice, long weekend I came in to work, opened my email and found an email from upper management who requested a status on something that was submitted over a month ago. A simple request to purchase something that would take maybe a couple hours to complete.  Sadly, after a month of waiting the purchase has not been made and the staff who requested it has not been able to do their job. 

Interestingly the email was addressed to our entire team and not just to the inept co-worker who won’t do his job and since the email was sent to our team, I could easily take care of the situation and complete the work . . .

But what does my co-worker learn if I do that?  

Answer: he learns that his slacking off doesn’t have consequences and someone else will always bail him out when the pressure mounts.

Therefore, I’m not doing his work.   

If he plans on being lazy, if he refuses to complete the work assigned to him in a decent manner of time; then he also needs to suffer the consequences.  He needs to learn that his ineptitude won’t be accepted by his co-workers.

And that’s exactly what I said when I confronted my supervisor about the issue this morning.  

I refuse to bail him out.  

It’s not going to happen this time.  It’s not going to happen in the future.  He must take responsibility for his actions, or in this case, his lack of actions.

I’m tired of working with inept co-workers.  

This workplace is really pathetic.  

 

I’m cursed

 

The place I work sucks!

It really does.

I don’t like the atmosphere or the people.

The conversations are horribly redundant.

I don’t look forward to going into work because I know what I’m about to deal with for the day.

I dread every single morning and even some evenings before I go to bed, mainly because I know that morning is coming.

While driving to work I have to force myself to actually turn into the parking lot and not keep driving until I hit the mountains or the ocean.

My manager isn’t that great and normally wants to talk about some stupid board game he’s into.  A topic I care nothing about.

The upper management has no clue on how to operate a business and is financially irresponsible.

One of my co-workers is lazy and spends most of his time on Facebook or some other social media site that has nothing to do with his job.

He loves hearing the sound of his own voice which means that I normally have to listen to his stupid stories about his grand kid or his son or his daughter or some other idiotic story that I care nothing about.

We have to share the office with another team that loves to discuss stupid topics and most of the time we have to listen to one guy complain about software, hardware, politics, his medical problems or just some random issue that got him riled up that day.

The whole office is a petri dish of gossip, slander and down-right horrible stupidity.

The only saving grace is that I get a half day on Friday’s.

The only reason I’m stuck here is because no one else will hire me.

 

 

 

What to Expect on a Day Without Women…From a Man’s Perspective…

For some reason liberal women think the world will stop revolving without them showing up for work for one day…

 

BAWWWHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for that laugh.  I needed that this morning (as he drys the tears of joy from his eyes).

You silly women who bought into the idea that you’re all that and a bag of bovine chips.  You really have no idea how thankful we men are that you didn’t show up for work.

Because a day without women in the work place…

…is the day men get to make decisions without having someone interject their “feelings” about how they don’t agree with the decision that needed to be made. 

…is the day men are able to work in silence.  

…is the day men can talk like men without fear of persecution or harassment.

…is the day we men have more bathrooms to use. 

…is the day men don’t have to listen to some pathetic conversation about a soap opera, the bachelor, a pathetic failed relationship, complaints about how men never listen, stupid telephone conversations and how children won’t behave.

…is the day “bitchy” won’t be used to describe someone.  

…is the day that will go down in history as a day of rejoicing for all men.   

 

It’s pathetic for women to think that they are SOOO important to the work place that not showing up for one day will cause the world to collapse and all men to view them differently. 

 

Noises In the Office

coworkers1

Every so often in my new little cubicle of thought provoking numbness I hear noises.   Some noises are just people around me clearing their throats, sneezing or coughing.   Some noises are people mumbling about their projects or whispering about something that they don’t want others to overhear.  Annnnd some noises are the building itself settling and making creeks and groans and those are distinguishing, but the other day I heard a noise that I couldn’t quite figure out.  

At first it sounded like a buzz in the furnace fixtures, but as I tried to listen for it and figure out where it was coming from the more distant it became.  After a few minutes it stopped, so I just went back to doing my daily tasks.  A few hours later, it was back.  

Now, other than followers who can’t think for themselves, nothing is more aggravating to me than unnecessary noises like a hum, buzz or tick that penetrates my ear canal and forces its way into my brain where it makes a home for itself.  So, when I start to hear these noises, I feel it necessary to find the source and make it stop.  

For example, in my last office the actual walls didn’t have full length studs to support the sheet rock.  What I mean is that the studs didn’t stretch from floor to ceiling, instead they were aluminum frames that were only 6 foot tall, while the sheet rock was 8 feet.  This discrepancy in length created a buffer between the sheet rock, ceiling and frame which caused the walls to vibrate when the central air would kick on.  

The vibration of the walls would cause a buzz that was random and very annoying.  I finally figured out that if I put a block in-between the wall of my cube and the sheet rock, the buzz would cease.  

Problem fixed.

But now my new little spot of disturbed nonsense has a random buzz as well, and I had to find it the other day because it was bothersome and taking away from my focus; so I set out to locate the source and when I found it, I was kind of surprised.  

Since it was so random, it wasn’t easy to locate, but after searching for a couple days I finally found it.

sleeping

Yep, my Co-worker snores. (no joke).

Random noises are pathetic, but co-workers sleeping at their desks are even more pathetic.

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New Nicknames…Wikidork, Candelabra and Dip-Doodle

work1

For the past nine months my little team was separated from the rest of the other teams I had been associated with.  We were secluded in a little office where we could talk about stuff as a team and no one ever seemed to bother us.  It was a great little office.  I liked that office. 

And then, one of the upper management douche-nozzles quit and that changed everything.  

A couple months ago my little team was placed under another dip-doodle who decided they wanted to move our team closer to their office.  He had brought it to the attention of my supervisor who couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for why we shouldn’t move, soooo…last week…we begrudgingly packed up our little office and moved.

After being in this little cube for only a couple days, I’d like to pull my hair out.  I am surrounded by idiots who think they know everything.  One guy who I like to refer to as, Wikidork, never seems shy about sharing his lack of knowledge about everything and anything.  No matter how wrong he is, he just loves sharing his stupidity.  The really sad thing is that most of the cattle that work with this guy accept his ding-battery as if it’s coming from a man who’s lived for thousands of years. 

Then there’s the gate keeper, who I like to call “Candelabra”.  The reason for the nickname isn’t because of her personality or looks, I just came up with it because it sounds funny, and I don’t normally like calling people names that aren’t funny.  

Candelabra is a wonderful gossip of everything that isn’t anything, but if you want to know something about someone, she’s your go-to person.  Furthermore, she’s the administrative assistant to our “INTERIM” supervisor, so she’s keeping track of everyone’s whereabouts, comings and goings and just being a royal pain in the you know what.  

And yes, our current upper management guy, who I’ve nicknamed dip-doodle, is “interim”.  Dip-doodle was told that his position would be interim after the douche-nozzle quit a few months back, and yet…he thinks that moving us closer to his office will impress the guy above him and force us to be under his “leadership” (a term I use very loosely because this guy isn’t a leader by any stretch of the definition.)  

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was in an office where I didn’t have direct windows, but I could walk out in the hallway and look outside.  It was refreshing and some days  it was very much needed.  Now… I’m stuck in a basement … again … surrounded by pathetic morons … again.  

Will this pathetic work-life ever get better?  

After 44 years of pathetic experiences, I have my doubts.