Wisdom from a very wise woman…

“Every woman knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

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Now, before the entire feminine persuasion gets riled up over that quote…I must inform you that those words were spoken by a very wise, very gentle, very sweet woman…

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My mother.

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Those words were uttered one warm and sultry summer day after my dad came home and informed my mom that a neighbor woman was washing her car in a swimsuit and half of her swimsuit was up the crack of her butt.  

As I remember it, the conversation went something like this…

“You can see her entire butt cheek!” my dad exclaimed.  “How does she not know?”

To which my mother (with a look of disbelief on her face) replied… “When your underwear is riding up, can YOU feel it?”

My dad answered, “well…sure…but…”

And that’s when my mother’s gaze turned to me, even though she was still speaking to my dad, and she said . . . “Women always have a motive.  Every woman…no matter their age…knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

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At that moment, even though my mom was actually talking to my dad, a life lesson was passed on to her son that has protected me from a lot of bad situations and relationships with worldly women who sought to manipulate or lure me into precarious situations.

In my pathetically humble opinion women might be manipulators.  They might be more frustrating than an icy sidewalk in June.  They might even be more of a royal pain the ass than an actual pain in the ass, but one thing’s for sure…women are not stupid, nor are they dumb, nor are they confused.  With that said my mother’s words of wisdom ring true to this day.

Therefore… Men.  Take note…

When a woman wears a certain perfume or a low-cut blouse…she knows why.

When a woman wears a shorter, tighter skirt or dress…she knows why. 

When a woman styles her hair a certain way…she knows why.

When a woman looks in a certain direction more than once…she knows why.

When a woman flips her hair, giggles at a bad joke and gently touches a man’s arm…she knows why.

When a woman makes an effort to draw attention to herself…she knows why.

When a woman wears certain makeup or jewelry…she knows why.

When a woman does anything, wears anything, says anything . . . SHE . . . KNOWS . . . WHY. 

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I don’t know which is more pathetic . . . that men still believe women aren’t that smart or that women are still able to pull the wool over the eyes of men by pretending to be not that smart.     

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He Said, She Said…

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Men and women do not communicate the same.  For example here’s a conversation between a long-time married couple that I overheard this past weekend…

Husband:  “Would you like a cookie?”

Wife: “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “Does that mean you want a cookie?”

Wife:  “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “When did you have a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “It was after I had the cereal.”

Husband:  “That was eight hours ago!”

Wife:  “What kind of cookies are they?”

Husband:  “Oatmeal chocolate chip.”

Wife:  “I guess a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “So you don’t want a cookie, you want a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “I didn’t say that.  You don’t listen.  I SAID a bowl of fruit would be nice.”

Husband:  “I am listening…you said a bowl of fruit would be nice…that tells me you don’t want a cookie because that’s what I’m hearing.”

Wife (clearly frustrated):  “I didn’t say that.  I said a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “Okay.  A bowl of fruit and I’ll include an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie in case you decide you want one.”

Wife:  “Thank you.  Was that so difficult?”

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Okay…now that same conversation between two men…

First guy: “do you want a cookie?”

Second guy: “Sure, thanks!” 

End of conversation! 

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It’s pathetic how men and women are so different when it comes to communicating.

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The Pathetic Question

 

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Soooo, here’s a random question my mother asked me this past weekend: 

“What if you meet a really nice woman who looks at you and says, ‘You can communicate really well, you’re attractive, you look me in the eye when we talk, you don’t do drugs or drink or sleep around, you have a relationship with God and know Him intimately, and I find you to be a very attractive man and would very much like to date you and spend more time with you.’  Would you be open to dating her?”  then she added:  “Before you answer, let me add this: What if she tells you that she’s never been naked in front of another man?”

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Here was my pathetic reaction: 

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I love my mom, but wow…she can ask some really pathetic questions to which I have no answers.

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