Weather is not a villain

Beware the “”BOMB CYCLONE !!!””   

It’s menacing ferocity of bone-chilling cold will paralyze the masses and wreak havoc with snarling wind-driven snow while causing chaos of unimaginable proportions!

No one will be immune to its destructive power as it bares down on the unsuspecting majority!!

Take cover now!   

Run for the hills!   

Batten down the hatches! 

Store up food and supplies for a lifetime because the “”BOMB CYCLONE !!!”” will be so powerful that the world will shut down forever and you may never see the sun again!!!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

— sigh —

Okay, Sooooo…that might be a bit exaggerated…but it’s what goes through my mind every time I look at a weather page and see the words…’Bomb Cyclone’.

In my humble opinion calling a major winter storm a “bomb cyclone” is pathetically way over the top.  I mean . . . when did weather patterns turn into super villains?

After all, winter is winter.  

It comes every year on December 21st and lasts for about three months, and during that three month period a few winter storms come and go.

Some snow…some ice…a few winds blow…some cold air drops in from the north…

It’s winter.

It’s not a villain.

It’s weather. 

And it’s pathetic how media personalities and educated idiots try to throw people into a panic by making a mountain out of mole hills.  

What’s worse is how many cattle will eat this crap up and regurgitate it because they don’t know how NOT to be a follower.  

Pathetic.

 

 

 

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Red Skelton Christmas Wish – 1955

 

Ladies and Gentlemen,

For the past twelve weeks you’ve been allowing me to come into your living room, and this time I brought you into my living room. 

I hope that you like this type of show because I personally believe that as long as we have the tree of the Christ child in our living rooms or a wreath on the door and as long as men can kneel down and pray to God, there will be less men down on their knees shooting guns in foxholes. 

Remember, Christmas is the birthday of the Christ child and not a holiday for the greedy. 

And with this in mind, may I say Merry Christmas to you all and God bless you.”

~ Red Skelton – 1955 ~

Wisdom from a very wise woman…

“Every woman knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

Now, before the entire feminine persuasion gets riled up over that quote…I must inform you that those words were spoken by a very wise, very gentle, very sweet woman…

My mother.

Those words were uttered one warm and sultry summer day after my dad came home and informed my mom that a neighbor woman was washing her car in a swimsuit and half of her swimsuit was up the crack of her butt.  

As I remember it, the conversation went something like this…

“You can see her entire butt cheek!” my dad exclaimed.  “How does she not know?”

To which my mother (with a look of disbelief on her face) replied“When your underwear is riding up, can YOU feel it?”

My dad answered, “well…sure…but…”

And that’s when my mother’s gaze turned to me, even though she was still speaking to my dad, and she said . . . “Women always have a motive.  Every woman…no matter their age…knows exactly what she’s doing and why.  If she says she “didn’t know” or had “no idea what she was doing”…she’s lying.”

At that moment, even though my mom was actually talking to my dad, a life lesson was passed on to her son that has protected me from a lot of bad situations and relationships with worldly women who sought to manipulate or lure me into precarious situations.

In my pathetically humble opinion women might be manipulators.  They might be more frustrating than an icy sidewalk in June.  They might even be more of a royal pain the ass than an actual pain in the ass, but one thing’s for sure…women are not stupid, nor are they dumb, nor are they confused.  With that said my mother’s words of wisdom ring true to this day.

Therefore… Men.  Take note…

When a woman wears a certain perfume or a low-cut blouse…she knows why.

When a woman wears a shorter, tighter skirt or dress…she knows why. 

When a woman styles her hair a certain way…she knows why.

When a woman looks in a certain direction more than once…she knows why.

When a woman flips her hair, giggles at a bad joke and gently touches a man’s arm…she knows why.

When a woman makes an effort to draw attention to herself…she knows why.

When a woman wears certain makeup or jewelry…she knows why.

When a woman does anything, wears anything, says anything . . . SHE . . . KNOWS . . . WHY. 

 

I don’t know which is more pathetic . . . that men still believe women aren’t that smart or that women are still able to pull the wool over the eyes of men by pretending to be not that smart.     

 

 

 

He Said, She Said…

Men and women do not communicate the same.  For example here’s a conversation between a long-time married couple that I overheard this past weekend…

Husband:  “Would you like a cookie?”

Wife: “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “Does that mean you want a cookie?”

Wife:  “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “When did you have a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “It was after I had the cereal.”

Husband:  “That was eight hours ago!”

Wife:  “What kind of cookies are they?”

Husband:  “Oatmeal chocolate chip.”

Wife:  “I guess a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “So you don’t want a cookie, you want a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “I didn’t say that.  You don’t listen.  I SAID a bowl of fruit would be nice.”

Husband:  “I am listening…you said a bowl of fruit would be nice…that tells me you don’t want a cookie because that’s what I’m hearing.”

Wife (clearly frustrated):  “I didn’t say that.  I said a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “Okay.  A bowl of fruit and I’ll include an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie in case you decide you want one.”

Wife:  “Thank you.  Was that so difficult?”

_

Okay…now that same conversation between two men…

First guy: “do you want a cookie?”

Second guy: “Sure, thanks!” 

End of conversation! 

_

 

It’s pathetic how men and women are so different when it comes to communicating.