I wonder how quickly they would find a cure for cancer, the common cold or the flu if they found out these were actually sexually transmitted diseases.
Between the ages of 20 and 40 years old I’ve watched 14 different women, whom I’ve dated, march down the aisle on the arm of another man within three years after we broke up or stopped dating.
I’m not kidding.
Within a 20 year period . . . Dated fourteen different women . . . All of them got married within three years after we stopped seeing one another.
Pathetically, I can still name them: Kelly, Elizabeth, Kristen #1, Amy, Yvette, Beth, Angie, Diane, Sara, Kristin #2, Christi, Karen, Stacey and Sandra.
(I told you it was pathetic.)
And here’s the reason I consider myself the official “Rebound Guy”: Every single one of those women broke up with a previous long-term relationship just before they started dating me.
I call that…
Okay. Not really.
I actually call it pathetic and the reason I quit dating altogether. (six years and counting since my last official date!)
This may come as a shock, but over the course of my working career I’ve been sexually harassed by both genders…women and men.
Let me begin with the woman who felt it necessary to touch me in a manner that made me really uncomfortable. — She actually confessed to the manager that she had feelings for me and was hoping I would feel the same. She thought touching me in certain ways and at different times would give a subtle hint… — umm…not so much.
A few years before that there was a woman who made it a point to tell our co-workers that she was going to marry me and we were going to have lots of children together….of course this was without my consent or knowledge…heck! I later found out that to top it off, she even went so far as to order a wedding cake and plan out the ceremony she was going to have with me as the groom! . . . . sigh . . . Wasn’t that sweet of her? — let me answer that for ya . . . Nope!
Of course there was also the middle-aged homosexual man who made it a point to conveniently have a cigarette every morning just outside the door that led to my office. I always found it weird why he would
chase follow me and another male co-worker into the office and offer us treats, homemade goodies or give us compliments on our looks and ask us over to dinner. — uhhh…thanks but, I’m into girls.
Since this is a PG rated blog, I’m only sharing the less graphic versions of my adventures in harassment. I could go further into detail, but that’s just a waste of your time and mine.
Believe me when I tell you that I’ve had my fair share of people who have made unwanted sexual advances towards me in the work place; however, every single time it’s happened, I’ve tolerated it for a few weeks before I finally said something to them about how uncomfortable it was. If they didn’t get my hint, I would take the matter up with my supervisors or human resources to put an end to it.
No matter how embarrassing it might be. No matter what it might do to my career. I didn’t want to let it drag on, I didn’t want to make excuses like, “oh well, people are just that way,” and I didn’t tolerate it for the sake of my career.
Some of you might be thinking or saying… “yeah, but you’re a guy. It’s easier for you to stand up and say something.”
Uhhh . . . . NO . IT . IS . NOT!
You have no idea how many times I thought about staying quiet and just coping with the situation hoping it would just blow over. Truth is, since I was a guy, I was afraid that no one would believe me, or worse, that I’d become the joke of the office.
Eventually I realized that if I didn’t speak up, these people who were making me uncomfortable would have power over me for a long time to come, and they would never stop. Worse yet, that I would never have another day where I felt comfortable coming to work or leaving my home.
Don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t easy confronting the person who was making me uncomfortable or going to my supervisor and telling them a co-worker was making me uncomfortable, but I had to do it. I had to suck it up and realize that if I lost my job because the company decided to back a person who made me uncomfortable, then that wasn’t a company I wanted to work for. Not too mention, that if my supervisor didn’t care enough about me to take me seriously and investigate the situation, then that wasn’t a person I wanted to work for either.
That’s why this whole mess of accusers who are coming forward with claims they were harassed 20, 30 or 40 years ago, doesn’t sit well with me. Nor does it sit well with me that people are getting fired over these claims and accusations without due process.
These people (both men and women) are just NOW coming forward with all these accusations of unwanted sexual harassment?
Taking a look back at the events that transpired when I approached my supervisors, I made certain that they investigated the situation and formed a case before taking any actions. They interviewed people who were witnesses, they took the time to gather evidence and conspicuously confronted the accused to form a case before taking it to human resources, handling the matter outright or even taking legal action.
It disappointments me that the accusers today aren’t interested in forming a case against those they accused. Whether it did or did not happen, the accusers just want to be right and want their brand of justice. — Get them fired. Get them out. They hurt me and I want the world to know it! — The motives of these people can be described in one word: REVENGE.
In my past situations I never wanted revenge. I just wanted the people who were making lewd comments to stop so I could be comfortable going to work for 8+ hours a day.
Revenge is not a good thing because it reveals the true side of the human heart. The corruption and hatred, the selfishness and pride, the arrogance, the bitterness, the strife.
It really amazes me how no one seems to be calling out these accusers for waiting for so long. What is their motive? Why now? Why did they wait so long?!?! Instead, they form social media groups and hashtag labels to let others join in the #metoo campaign.
They call it “strength in numbers”…
I call it Pathetic!!
It’s also pathetic how harassmentgate 2017 has ballooned into this horrible mess of pathetic stupidity when none of this should be happening right now because the accusers who are claiming “harassment” should have stood up years ago and put the accused in their place then…not waiting some 20, 30 or 40 years in the future to get their revenge!
Ironically, their revenge is bitter sweet because all of the accused have amassed fortunes over the years, and are living high on the hog. If they get fired from whatever they were doing, so what! They just take their fortunes and run.
Retirement, here they come!
You know, I’m not shocked by it, but in all honesty I find it difficult to understand how the world has become such a horrible place to live. How did we get here?
The world is filled with followers who are flat out pathetically crazy, and more and more cattle decide to wander into the other pasture following the masses down a broad road of destruction.
It’s pathetic they are even considered part of the human race.
What is wrong with you sick people that you feel the need to know so many details about every person’s life? Especially the whole issue of a person’s sexual preference?
I’ll tell you why…
Because YOU are obsessed with sex!
Oh. . .and on the topic of sexual preference. . . if a person is born with a certain sexual preference, why the hell can’t you tell just by looking at them? Shouldn’t you know without having to ask??? Why exactly do you even question it?
Oh, wait! That’s right! It’s similar to all of you who were born a dumbass.
No one can tell you’re a dumbass just by looking at you, instead people have to ask you if you’re a dumbass.
Typically, you all try to cover it up, but eventually the truth is revealed as soon as you open your mouth.
Soooo, going back to my initial question…why is it so important for you to know which way someone swings their ding-a-ling?
Does knowing that someone is a pervert make you feel more human? Does it make you feel more adequate that you’re not the only pervert in town?
With the way society has become so sexually obsessed I’m not surprised that companies don’t require sexual preference on a résumé.
Sexual Preference! — Ah!! The perfect candidate!
You cattle need to get over the sexual obsession already. After all, it’s just a means of creating humans.
But leave it to humans to make it into something perverted, addictive and disgusting!
Brav-o! (insert slow, pathetic golf clap here)
Pathetic cattle disgust me.
The other day I happened to read a pathetic post about what men should do if they want to impress a girl they find attractive.
The post contained things like…“be honest”, “show her you have a skill”, “make her laugh”, “be confident”, “show her that you’re able to protect, but don’t be domineering and possessive about it”…all of which is convenient for the pathetic, lonely guy who still lives in this mother’s basement, but for all the other pathetic men in the world. . .
Not so much!
The truth is, as I was reading the post, I became more and more agitated because the post made it sound as if men — being the lumps of coal they are — are in no way deserving of a pretty girl to be on his arm unless he can prove he’s worthy.
It reminded me of those old fairy tales where the main character has to validate his existence and substantiate his might for the beautiful princess by trudging his way through a dangerously dark forest, across a vastly arid desert, galumphing up the side of a very steep mountain only to come face-to-face with a pathetically mighty dragon who breathes excruciatingly hot fire.
And as I thought more about it, I felt compelled to ask a few questions. . . .
Why are men expected to do this? Let alone…why do men feel the need to do this?
Also, why is it that men should have to impress any woman?
And in reality, shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t the female gender have to impress the men?
I mean, in all honesty we men would like to know what characteristics or traits a woman can provide to a relationship that would convince us that we should choose her and not someone else?
After all, nowadays we men…(me, personally)…bring a hell of a lot to a relationship, and if you don’t believe me, here’s a list (please note that these are traits and characteristics that I possess, so not all men can provide these same traits because all men are not really created equal):
I know how to cook and bake and follow a recipe.
I bathe every day and try not to smell funny.
I’m clean and organized.
I have proper oral hygiene.
I’m financially responsible, and save money.
I have a good, steady job.
I’m college educated.
I don’t drink alcoholic beverages.
I don’t and never have done illegal drugs.
I don’t lie or cheat.
I don’t gamble.
I don’t have tattoos or piercings.
I have a relationship with Jesus, and He IS my LORD and KING.
I pray and communicate with Him and God the Father every day.
I know how to work on automobiles.
I know how to fish and camp.
I do my best to be respectful and considerate of others around me.
I can plant and tend a garden.
I have never had sex…yes, I’ve fooled around, but never done the actual deed, so I don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases or illegitimate children.
I know how to hang drywall.
I can work on plumbing and electrical.
I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve dated and never will.
I’m a patient person who has the will-power to resist the things I know aren’t beneficial to a healthy, productive life.
I can rebuild a computer from individual parts to a fully functional operational device.
I have a decent singing voice.
I’m good with kids, I like them and they seem to like me and I’m not afraid to discipline when needed.
I clear the table and wash the dishes by hand or load the dish washer when needed.
I spend time with my family, especially my mom and dad who don’t get out much these days because of a physical illness.
I have compassion for others.
I open doors for women, walk closest to the curb when needed and provide a safe environment for them.
And I try my best to stand up for those who don’t have a voice.
There are many other traits I bring to a relationship, but these are just a few that came to mind. So … again …I pose the question. . .What makes a woman think she’s good enough that I should choose her?
Can she provide safety and comfort to our children? Is she compassionate, kind and loving? Can she change a flat tire on her own? Does she mind getting a little dirty? Would she be willing to trudge through a dark, scary forest to save me if I were captured by an evil, fire-breathing dragon?
Truth is, we should never have to try to impress anyone. We should just be happy that someone wants to spend time with us and that we get to spend time with them. While doing so, we should get to know them so well that we can finish their sentences and know how to meet there needs before they even ask because that’s what love really is. . .
Spending time with people and learning about them, getting to know them, building trust with them and in them, caring for them, providing for and meeting their needs.
It’s pathetic that we try so hard to impress others to get their attention or make them like us. After all, we’re just human beings who are all in this life together.
Yet again a woman I liked uttered those humiliating words. . .
“I don’t want to date you. Please don’t pursue me.”
And after replying with, “okay. I won’t. we’re just friends. I get it…” I then heard in a rather pathetic, albeit panicked and stressed, tone…
“No…I really mean it. Please don’t pursue me! I really don’t want to date you.”
I gotta tell ya, to hear those words for the umpteenth time in my life is not any easier than the first time I heard them. I take it personally.
It’s very much like having a dagger slowly but firmly pressed deep into my chest until it penetrates my heart and once the perpetrator knows they have shoved the dagger deep enough into my chest . . . they proceed to give it a few twists.
Painfully speaking, I’ve also found that once is not enough for a woman to tell me her desire that I not pursue her.
For some reason. . . maybe it’s because they think I’m a pathetically dense idiot like all the other hapless Joe’s on the block. . . they feel the need to repeat their command a second time…however, the second time is when they feel the necessity to drive the point home with added emphasis on specific words such as, ‘really don’t‘ and ‘you‘.
After all, it’s obviously not enough pathetic humiliation for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and tell someone who doesn’t feel the same way that I like them.
Five years ago I was dating a woman who requested that we start a Thanksgiving tradition listing 100 things that we were thankful for and sharing our lists with one another on Thanksgiving day. The list had to be 100 things and could contain anything we wanted but nothing could be repeated and some of the items on the list required a brief explanation for some reason or another.
Quite honestly, for the life of me I cannot remember why we had to give an explanation for some of the items on our list, but as you’ll see from reading mine, I gave an explanation for a number of items so there was obviously a reason for it.
Anyway, after rummaging through my hard drive cleaning up old files I happen to run across my list and thought I would share it with you. Like I said, five years had passed and even though I have not forgotten spending that Thanksgiving with her in 2011, I had forgotten that I saved my list.
So, without further ado…
1) God’s gift of salvation – because I no longer live in the bondage of sin and it shows God’s great love, grace and mercy to me for something I don’t deserve.
2) Clean drinking water – it’s refreshing and there are places in this world that don’t have the benefit of a fresh, clean glass of water.
3) Toothpaste – because it provides fresh breath and keeps my teeth clean so I don’t lose my teeth.
4) My relationship with SJG – In just a few short weeks, with or without knowing it, she has shown me how to love another person unconditionally; without reservations and without fear. She has brought a joy and happiness to my life that only God could have orchestrated. I’m so thankful for her desire to pray and study God’s word with me and a desire to spend time with me and not be afraid to share her heart with me. I’m so very thankful for how she challenges and encourages me. I’m thankful for her heart and how she desires to see people change their lives and have a relationship with Jesus. I’m thankful that she prays with me and for me. I’m thankful that she desires to talk with me and spend time with me. I’m thankful that she is honest, caring, loving, motivated, energetic, smart, funny and full of life. I’m thankful for God leading S and I into each other’s lives at just the right moment. It’s only because of Him that we have this opportunity to grow with one another, to love each other and to share our lives with one another in such a special way. God really is a great and awesome God.
5) For my new job and home in Another City!
6) My parents – their never ending prayers for their family and their love for us is so humbling.
7) My nephews – each one has their own identity and I’ve learned a lot about patience and love through their relationships with me.
8) Future Marriage to SJG
9) Hot Water Heaters
10) The Smell of Fresh-Cut Grass
11) Cherry scented Cigars
12) Rainbows – because it’s a reminder of the promise God made to Noah not to flood the whole Earth again.
13) The Church – It’s wonderful to have a group of people to worship, pray and build relationships with in Christ. To have a place where we can learn more about who God is and what He desires of us as followers of Him.
14) Flushing Toilets
15) Every Holiday with my family.
16) My Car – it was an answer to prayer and little did I know that when I bought it, it would be my transport between Lincoln and Omaha to see a woman I am in love with.
17) Sunrises and Sunsets
18) Hair Dryers
19) My Old Barber – for 20+ years he was the best at his profession. He had a great personality and was so willing to serve people.
20) Facebook – it’s allowed me to connect with family and friends in other cities and who I haven’t seen in many years.
21) Skype – I can use this online tool to talk with and see my family who live in another state.
22) Digital Video/Still Cameras
23) Fishing trips with my dad – It was “our” time, just me and my dad, and I cherished those moments with him. He showed me how to bait a hook and take a fish off the line. We had some good talks and even when we just sat on the bank in silence, I was aware that he was there with me and wanted to spend time with me. Our time fishing together was important to me and I will always be thankful for those days/nights we had together.
24) My Grandmother’s jokes and laughter and her desire to have her family all gather in one place for the holidays.
25) The Ability to Walk/Run, taste and see and hear.
26) Freedoms to start a business, live where I want and speak freely in my country.
27) Grocery stores
28) Washing Machines and clothes dryers along with Automatic Dishwashers
29) My many failures and successes that have led to my growth in life. All the events have made me who I am today.
30) My childhood friends – We had a blast growing up! They were such a big part of my life for so many years and we shared some really great experiences. Riding bikes in the dirt trails, making forts, being my teammates in sports. Camping out in the backyard. Staying up late and running around the neighborhood. Having one another’s back in a pinch. They were my BEST friends for so many years. I learned a lot from our experiences.
31) My grandfather taking me to get a fishing rod – My grandfather wasn’t the kind of man to call his grandkids and request time with them, so the day he called to ask me to go with him to get a new fishing rod meant the world to me. We spent a couple hours together and he let me pick out anything I wanted. I really cherish that time we spent together and I miss having him around.
32) My Sisters – We had fun growing up and knowing that they are just a phone call away to talk with brings a bit of comfort.
33) The Godly men who have taught me over the years of my life.
34) Warm blankets right out of the dryer.
35) MP3 players
37) Naps – they refresh me for a few more hours.
38) Alarm Clocks
40) FM radio
41) Answered and Unanswered prayers – I’m thankful that God didn’t answer many of my prayers over the years for reasons only He knows. I know now that it was to either protect me or to help me to grow before I was ready for what I was asking for. But I am thankful for the prayers He has answered.
42) The safety that God provided moving my sister and her family to N.D. – The roads were icy and we were all running on very little sleep but God made a way for us.
43) Food – I am thankful for food that nourishes and helps to provide strength and vitamins to our bodies. I’m thankful that food is a way for people to gather and talk and get to know one another around a table. And I’m thankful because food can bring a smile to someone’s face.
44) Space Heaters
45) Scented candles
46) Toilet Paper – (for obvious reasons)
47) Paper Plates
48) Doctors and Nurses who are trained in their profession to help with healing wounds or performing operations, delivering children or caring for the sick.
50) Fiber Tablets – Thankful for these because they are a great way to lose weight and keep it off naturally.
51) My apartment – it has been a warm and safe place to live.
52) Comfortable shoes
53) The many friends that have encouraged me over the years to try new things like: country swing dancing, riding roller coasters, exotic foods, taking trips to new places.
54) Television Remotes
56) Soft pillows
57) Deodorant & Antiperspirant
58) Park benches
59) Pumpkin Spice Smoothies from Scooters
60) My Bible – I’m thankful that the word of God to direct my steps, correct me when I’m wrong and helps me know how to live as Jesus instructed.
61) Ice Cream – I’m thankful for comfort in a cup or cone!!
62) Holidays at my grandparents house as a kid.
63) Trips to the country or the lake anytime of year.
64) God’s provision in good and desperate times.
65) Hugs and Kisses while cuddling with S.
66) Wall Spackle
67) Online Shopping
68) Running on a hot summer afternoon
69) Really big Thunderstorms
70) Being able to pay for my college courses and books without having to take out loans.
71) Being able to get debt free
72) God’s protection from evil things
73) Learning to Snow Ski
74) Over coming my fear of heights to ride an extremely high roller coaster.
75) Taking a chance at playing the lead role in a church play
76) My high school music teacher who convinced me to try out for a jazz ensemble.
77) Hot Chocolate on a cold day.
78) Coaching a fourth-grade YMCA baseball team
79) People who are friendly and respect others.
80) Watching my nephew catch his first fish.
81) Being patriotic.
82) Knowing my dad made it back safely from the Vietnam conflict.
83) Good Health.
84) The Seasons of Fall and Spring.
85) Canoeing down a long river with friends.
87) Country Music
88) Maps and GPS
89) The kindness of strangers
90) Watching a funnel cloud form
91) Saturday morning Cartoons
92) Playing football in the park
93) Singing in a church choir
94) The peace and quiet that happens directly after a freshly fallen snow.
95) The summer family trips we would take to Mount Rushmore or Colorado in a car with no A/C.
96) A text from a close friend or family member.
97) The tiny hand of a new-born baby gripping my finger.
98) All the nights in the old neighborhood where all the kids would gather at the end of our driveway telling jokes and stories for hours.
You’re probably asking where her list might be?
Unfortunately, her list is in a landfill somewhere because a week after we made these lists and shared them with one another, our relationship came to an abrupt end. That’s when she requested I destroy hers because she . . and I quote . . . “didn’t want that stuff floating around out there.”