Words of Discouragement for a Lifetime of Regret

I’d like to take a moment here on my blog-o-pathetic to list off a few words of discouragement that have been directed at me over the years by people who claimed to “love” me. 

And yes…These “love-claiming people” included very close family members, girlfriends, friends, co-workers and self-proclaimed “christians”.

So, Let’s begin!!

You’re a moron.

You’re the most horrible man I’ve ever met.

You’re an embarrassment.

You’re the stupidest man in the world.

You’re going to be a horrible husband.

You’d make a horrible father.

Your children will hate you.

If you ever get married, your wife will leave you.

You’re an asshole.

You’re a troll.

You have zero qualities that anyone would want to share.

You’re not “christ-like”.

Jesus hates you.

You have nothing to offer anyone.

You’re a joke.

You’re disgusting.

You’re the ugliest man alive.

Why don’t you do the world a favor and die already?

You’re so horrible that hell is too good for you.

You make people miserable.

You’re a coward.

You’re so dumb.

You’re so unattractive.

You’re not a man.

I don’t hate you, I loathe you.

No one will ever love you.

You’ll never amount to anything.

The world would be a better place if you were never born.

You’re an ignorant ass.

No woman will ever want you back.

No woman will ever want you, period.

If any woman ever asked me for advice on dating you, I’d tell her to flee.

You are the most boring person I’ve ever met.

You’re unforgivable. 

You’re the worst uncle in the world.

You’re the worst brother anyone could ever have. 

You will never succeed at anything. 

You are so ugly.  Why would you ever think I would like you?  

. . . . . . . . 

Pathetic people are everywhere and they say some of the most horrible things, but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and what makes you stronger makes them more pathetic.    

 

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Authority Figures

It was a church youth group that I had been invited to when I was about 10 years old.  About 50 or 60 kids of various ages had gathered in a room of the church where a teacher was about to begin a lesson on some topic none of us children would ever remember. 

Since it was a large group of kids, I had chosen to sit in the back of the room near a couple guys I knew, and about mid-way through the lesson one of the guys I was sitting with, for no apparent reason, started to leech saliva on me.

If you’re not familiar with the action of leeching saliva, it’s when someone opens their mouth then presses their tongue on the roof of their mouth to literally shoot a stream of saliva in the direction of an object or person.

It’s disgusting.

Therefore, me being repulsed and not wanting to interrupt the speaker, I tried to be as quiet and nonchalant as possible by telling the kid to stop and then sliding a few feet to the left from the guy who was continuing to leech on my person; but the leecher kid didn’t stop.  Matter of fact, he decided to slide over as well and continued his disgusting onslaught of leeching.

Once more, I quietly slid a few more feet away hoping the kid would get the hint and stop…but the leecher followed.

Yet again…I quietly slid a little further away…but to no avail because once again, the leecher kid followed.

By now I was really frustrated, so I sternly looked at the kid and whispered, “Knock it off!”  Consequently, it was louder than I had expected and after the words left my lips I turned back towards the group only to see that everyone in the room was now staring directly back at me.  Including the pathetic teacher.

I didn’t mean to make a scene, I really didn’t!  And at that moment I had a deep yearning to be someplace else. . . Even better. . .someone else . . . because it was an extremely uncomfortable situation. 

Regrettably, I didn’t have the ability to transform into someone else, nor did I have the ability to teleport someplace else; so I was stuck.  And quite sadly, that wasn’t the most pathetic part of the story.

To this day, I still don’t remember the topic the pseudo teacher was sharing with the group; however, I do remember the conversation that he and I had after I disrupted the lesson he was attempting to convey to the class. . .

Teacher: “Umm, is there a problem back there?”

Me:  “Yes.  (pointing directly at the leecher)  This kid is spiting on me!”

Teacher:  (with surprised look on his face) “Well. . . You do know it isn’t polite to be a tattletale?  Try to keep it down.”

At that moment I went through a number of emotions.  Anger, disbelief, confusion, shock, disappointment, frustration, sadness and regret. 

I couldn’t believe that I was reprimanded for trying to stand up for myself and this leecher kid was left unpunished.  More than anything I was left with a lot of disappointment and anger because the teacher called ME out for being a tattletale and didn’t stand up for me when I needed someone to help, protect or stand up for me.

If the the roles had been reversed and this sham of a “leader” were in my spot, would he call out the person for the wrong they were committing towards his person?  

Would he want to get rebuked for standing up for himself?

Would he expect the “authority” of the group to come to his aid?

After all, shouldn’t the authority figure in the room do something to balance the scales and provide some form of protection against those who were causing discomfort towards others? 

Additionally, I sat there for the remainder of the lesson getting leeched on by a horrible kid and wondering how this pseudo “leader” could call me out on being a tattletale and not reprimand the leecher for spitting on me.

In that moment I was hoping for someone to stand up for me.  To provide protection from that kid who was making me uncomfortable.  To balance to the scales….To do SOMETHING to help me. 

At the very least the pseudo leader could have moved me to the front of the room to save me from this torrential downpour of saliva. . .But sadly, he did nothing.

Well…that’s not entirely true.  He did leave me with an empty feeling of dissatisfaction, a label for trying to right a wrong being committed against my person, and a lifetime of regret and distrust towards others. 

. . . . .

Brav – – – –  

 

yeah…not so much… 

Pseudo leadership is not only frustrating and annoying, but it’s extremely pathetic.  

 

Oh the Hypocrisy

A young woman posts photos online about her hunting experiences.  She receives death threats from those who don’t agree with her point of view.  

A young man makes a mistake and accidentally causes the loss of life of a young child.  Those who hear about it and have strong opinions about the matter make the decision to send him death threats. 

A politician states a conservative or liberal view in an article or interview.  Those who don’t agree send them death threats. 

I have news for you people… 

Those threats didn’t come from guns, knives, explosive devices or any other form of weaponry.  They came from people. 

They came from people who don’t have boundaries anymore.  People who believe they have the “right” to threaten someone with violence if they don’t agree with their way of thinking.  

People. 

It’s pathetic that humanity has become such a cruel and vicious beast, yet no one is wise enough to recognize that humans are the lone reason violence exists. 

 

 

 

Increasing Doubt with a Lack of Faith and Hope

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7-8 – NASB

I’ve become a little hard pressed to believe that God will ever answer my prayers the way I would hope.  

I’m not saying I don’t pray or that I’ve lost my belief in God.  I do pray, and I do believe in God, but what I’m saying is that God has put so many stipulations on prayer that I’m not sure that God will answer my requests the way I hope because when I pray, I don’t meet the stipulations that He set for when we pray. 

Here are some of the stipulations that I’m talking about…

  1. Pray and Agree with any two or more people (Matthew 18:19)
  2. Pray without ceasing (I Thes. 5:17)
  3. Ask in the Name of Jesus (John 14:13)
  4. Ask in faith and don’t doubt (James 1:6)
  5. Believe you already have what you ask for before you even ask (Mark 11:24)
  6. Ask in the Father’s will (I John 5:14-15)
  7. Believe that God exists and that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6)
  8. Be devoted to prayer with an attitude of thankfulness (Col. 4:2)
  9. Pray as Jesus taught His disciples (Matt 6:9-13)
  10. Always give thanks to the Father through Jesus (Col. 3:17)
  11. Don’t be like the hypocrites who pray out in the open (Matt 6:5)
  12. Go into your inner room, close your door, pray in secret to the Father who is in secret  (Matt 6:6)

I didn’t list those in any particular order, just listed off at random as they came to mind, but they are stipulations God has placed on how we make requests to Him and whether or not those requests will be answered. 

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that God will never answer prayers…Far from it.  He does answer prayers, but what I am saying is that I don’t know if He’ll ever answer mine because I’ve failed to meet the stipulations He’s set for my prayers to be answered.  

More importantly, I doubt that God will answer me because of a sincere lack of faith and thankfulness based on past experiences and past requests that never got answered over the years.  

(Yeah… yeah… yeah…’don’t live in the past’…blah, blah, blah… Preaching to the choir, people!) 

But seriously, I always thought and believed that my past prayers were made in faith, in the name of Jesus, with others who were like-minded, with an attitude of thanksgiving in my heart and a hope that God would answer in the affirmative; consequently, God saw fit to have me sit back and watch while He gave what I requested for myself to other people.  Therefore, my prayers didn’t get answered as I had hoped. 

Am I admitting my selfishness and pride here?  I suppose I am.  Which leads to one more reason that God didn’t answer my prayers the way I had hoped.  After all, God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6). 

Was I deserving of those things I requested?  — Maybe.  Maybe not. — I won’t know the answer until I come face to face with God, and even then He probably won’t tell me because at that point…it won’t matter.  

However, that hasn’t stopped me from developing excuses and rationalizations as to ‘why’ God won’t or hasn’t answered my prayers the way I had hoped. 

Excuses such as: “Maybe I wasn’t ready to receive the gift…”, “Maybe it was because of sin…”, “Maybe I didn’t deserve something that wonderful…”, “Maybe I’m not worthy…”, “Maybe God’s got something better…” , “Maybe my motives are incorrect…”, “Maybe there isn’t anything better…” or “Maybe all of the above…??”  

All of these excuses have set in motion a downward spiral of introspection which has ultimately led to self-judging, self-loathing and self-condemnation.  All of which have slowly encased my heart in a shell of petrified callousness and led me to a sincere distrust of whether or not the almighty will ever answer my prayers in the manner of which I hope. 

Truth be told… I have a broken heart.

Ironically, even though my prayers haven’t been answered the way I hoped, I still pray and make requests to God all the time.  

I’m constantly pouring out my feelings and desires to Him while requesting things with a sincere belief in the power of Jesus Christ that God will answer me; however, when I pray, the doubt remains that God will never grant my request in the manner in which I hope.  

Therefore, thankfulness is a distant memory, and any faith that might have assisted in my prayers being answered is lacking a solid foundation.  

Please know that I do believe that God exists . . . I do . . . but quite frankly I’m not confident He really does reward all those who seek Him.

I know I’m not alone.  There are many in this world who have the same doubts about their prayers ever being answered or whether God will ever bless them again.  

Heck, even the prophets in the old testament were given over to wonder if God was hearing them or if they would ever be answered.  Some even felt deceived by God.

Look at the words of Job (13:24-28):

“Why do You hide Your face and consider me Your enemy?  Will You cause a driven leaf to tremble?  Or will You pursue the dry chaff?

“For You write bitter things against me and make me to inherit the iniquities of my youth.  You put my feet in the stocks and watch all my paths; You set a limit for the soles of my feet, while I am decaying like a rotten thing, like a garment that is moth-eaten.”

And then Jeremiah, a prophet of God’s very own choosing, writes:

“Why has my pain been perpetual and my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?  Will You indeed be to me like a deceptive stream with water that is unreliable?” (Jeremiah 15:18)

O Lord, You have deceived me and I was deceived; You have overcome me and prevailed.  I have become a laughingstock all day long; Everyone mocks me.  For each time I speak, I cry aloud; I proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted In reproach and derision all day long.”  (Jeremiah 20:7-8)

Both prophets went through a period of time where they struggled to believe that God was listening to their requests or that He would answer their requests the way they hoped. 

Jeremiah and Job were dedicated servants of God and they humbly performed every task that God asked of them, yet there was a time in their lives they both struggled with doubt and thought that God had pulled the proverbial rug out from under their feet.

Interestingly, both of these men provide a great example of how doubting God can lead to anguish and self-depreciation.  The struggles both men had with doubt cause each of them to curse the day he was born (read Job 3 & Jeremiah 20:14-18).

My point here is that every human being, even those who were specifically appointed by the LORD Jesus and God the Father, can and will doubt that God will answer their prayers they way they were hoping.

As for my situation, I began having doubts that my prayers to the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth have never gone further than the ceiling of my home after decades of the same failures.  And…If by some strange miracle the words I directed towards God did reach Heaven’s doorstep, I fear those words never made it past His threshold!

From a very young age I’ve attempted to live a life that follows the narrow path.  I found the words of God, and I ate them; and they became for me a joy and delight of my heart.  I believed that I was called by God’s holy name and His eternal word into an eternal hope of salvation through the LORD Jesus Christ.  Therefore, I did not sit in the circle of merrymakers, nor did I show or feel elation or jubilation as the result of any success I may have experienced.  

I’ve tried to rejoice with others in their successes.  I’ve tried to mourn and encourage those in their failures and losses.  And yet…because of God’s hand upon me, I sit alone.  Filled with the contempt, anger and annoyance provoked by what I perceive as unfair treatment from others in this world.

I’ve asked God why my perpetual pain never ends.  Why the internal wound is incurable, refusing to be healed. 

I wonder and ask God if He has deceived me by providing hope to promises that would never come to pass, but He remains silent on the matter.

Yet…once again…like a trained animal who knows and fears his master, I bow my head…I bend my knee…I lay myself prostrate before the throne of the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth, and I open my mouth once more to make a simple request of God with hope that He might hear me and answer me with blessings of good things.

I wait longingly and patiently for His reply.  Hoping that the answer will finally melt my hardened, callous heart and sorrow would be replaced with joy and gladness.

I don’t know if any of you can understand just how agonizing the thirst for God to answer my prayer really is.  

In all honesty I long for God to dip His finger in water and just touch the tip of my tongue to quench the thirst my desires bring.  To give me a sign that He hears me.  That He accepts me and that my requests are a fragrant aroma, not filled with putrefaction which cause Him to turn His face away and reject me.  

To let me know that He delights in me, and my heartfelt requests aren’t falling on deaf ears.

But I’m reminded of the words of Job…

“But the falling mountain crumbles away, and the rock moves from its place.

Water wears away stones, its torrents wash away the dust of the earth; so You destroy man’s hope. 

You forever overpower him and he departs.

You change his appearance and send him away.  

His sons achieve honor, but he does not know it; or they become insignificant, but he does not perceive it.  

But his body pains him, and he mourns only for himself.”  (Job 14:18-22)

That quote is one of the best explanations of how man’s hope can erode over time by the many tribulations that engulf us.  Tribulations that can change our focus and cause our thoughts, our attentions and our prayers to become more self-centered and less altruistic. 

In those difficult moments we take our sights off the finish line and the rewards to come.  We lose sight of the truth.  We stop running the race.  We forget who God is. 

We forget His mercies never fail. 

We forget He’s never stopped loving us. 

We forget that God’s best is not the same as what we perceive as the best for ourselves. 

We forget that He’s never walked away from us. 

We forget how to be thankful in all things. 

We forget how to be content.

It’s pathetic that after all that I still don’t know if God will ever delight in me enough to answer my prayers the way I hope He will.  

I guess I’ll pray about it.

 

Weather is not a villain

Beware the “”BOMB CYCLONE !!!””   

It’s menacing ferocity of bone-chilling cold will paralyze the masses and wreak havoc with snarling wind-driven snow while causing chaos of unimaginable proportions!

No one will be immune to its destructive power as it bares down on the unsuspecting majority!!

Take cover now!   

Run for the hills!   

Batten down the hatches! 

Store up food and supplies for a lifetime because the “”BOMB CYCLONE !!!”” will be so powerful that the world will shut down forever and you may never see the sun again!!!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

— sigh —

Okay, Sooooo…that might be a bit exaggerated…but it’s what goes through my mind every time I look at a weather page and see the words…’Bomb Cyclone’.

In my humble opinion calling a major winter storm a “bomb cyclone” is pathetically way over the top.  I mean . . . when did weather patterns turn into super villains?

After all, winter is winter.  

It comes every year on December 21st and lasts for about three months, and during that three month period a few winter storms come and go.

Some snow…some ice…a few winds blow…some cold air drops in from the north…

It’s winter.

It’s not a villain.

It’s weather. 

And it’s pathetic how media personalities and educated idiots try to throw people into a panic by making a mountain out of mole hills.  

What’s worse is how many cattle will eat this crap up and regurgitate it because they don’t know how NOT to be a follower.  

Pathetic.

 

 

 

He Said, She Said…

Men and women do not communicate the same.  For example here’s a conversation between a long-time married couple that I overheard this past weekend…

Husband:  “Would you like a cookie?”

Wife: “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “Does that mean you want a cookie?”

Wife:  “I had a bowl of fruit earlier.”

Husband:  “When did you have a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “It was after I had the cereal.”

Husband:  “That was eight hours ago!”

Wife:  “What kind of cookies are they?”

Husband:  “Oatmeal chocolate chip.”

Wife:  “I guess a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “So you don’t want a cookie, you want a bowl of fruit?”

Wife:  “I didn’t say that.  You don’t listen.  I SAID a bowl of fruit would be nice.”

Husband:  “I am listening…you said a bowl of fruit would be nice…that tells me you don’t want a cookie because that’s what I’m hearing.”

Wife (clearly frustrated):  “I didn’t say that.  I said a bowl of fruit would be nice.”  

Husband:  “Okay.  A bowl of fruit and I’ll include an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie in case you decide you want one.”

Wife:  “Thank you.  Was that so difficult?”

_

Okay…now that same conversation between two men…

First guy: “do you want a cookie?”

Second guy: “Sure, thanks!” 

End of conversation! 

_

 

It’s pathetic how men and women are so different when it comes to communicating.

 

Harassmentgate 2017

This may come as a shock, but over the course of my working career I’ve been sexually harassed by both genders…women and men.

Let me begin with the woman who felt it necessary to touch me in a manner that made me really uncomfortable.  — She actually confessed to the manager that she had feelings for me and was hoping I would feel the same.  She thought touching me in certain ways and at different times would give a subtle hint… — umm…not so much.  

A few years before that there was a woman who made it a point to tell our co-workers that she was going to marry me and we were going to have lots of children together….of course this was without my consent or knowledge…heck!  I later found out that to top it off, she even went so far as to order a wedding cake and plan out the ceremony she was going to have with me as the groom! . . . . sigh . . . Wasn’t that sweet of her? — let me answer that for ya . . . Nope! 

Of course there was also the middle-aged homosexual man who made it a point to conveniently have a cigarette every morning just outside the door that led to my office.  I always found it weird why he would chase follow me and another male co-worker into the office and offer us treats, homemade goodies or give us compliments on our looks and ask us over to dinner.  — uhhh…thanks but, I’m into girls.  

Since this is a PG rated blog, I’m only sharing the less graphic versions of my adventures in harassment.  I could go further into detail, but that’s just a waste of your time and mine.  

Believe me when I tell you that I’ve had my fair share of people who have made unwanted sexual advances towards me in the work place; however, every single time it’s happened, I’ve tolerated it for a few weeks before I finally said something to them about how uncomfortable it was.  If they didn’t get my hint, I would take the matter up with my supervisors or human resources to put an end to it.

No matter how embarrassing it might be.  No matter what it might do to my career.  I didn’t want to let it drag on, I didn’t want to make excuses like, “oh well, people are just that way,” and I didn’t tolerate it for the sake of my career.

Some of you might be thinking or saying… “yeah, but you’re a guy.  It’s easier for you to stand up and say something.”

Uhhh . . . . NO   .   IT   .   IS   .   NOT!

You have no idea how many times I thought about staying quiet and just coping with the situation hoping it would just blow over.  Truth is, since I was a guy, I was afraid that no one would believe me, or worse, that I’d become the joke of the office.  

Eventually I realized that if I didn’t speak up, these people who were making me uncomfortable would have power over me for a long time to come, and they would never stop.  Worse yet, that I would never have another day where I felt comfortable coming to work or leaving my home.  

Don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t easy confronting the person who was making me uncomfortable or going to my supervisor and telling them a co-worker was making me uncomfortable, but I had to do it.  I had to suck it up and realize that if I lost my job because the company decided to back a person who made me uncomfortable, then that wasn’t a company I wanted to work for.  Not too mention, that if my supervisor didn’t care enough about me to take me seriously and investigate the situation, then that wasn’t a person I wanted to work for either.  

That’s why this whole mess of accusers who are coming forward with claims they were harassed 20, 30 or 40 years ago, doesn’t sit well with me.  Nor does it sit well with me that people are getting fired over these claims and accusations without due process.

These people (both men and women) are just NOW coming forward with all these accusations of unwanted sexual harassment?    

Taking a look back at the events that transpired when I approached my supervisors, I made certain that they investigated the situation and formed a case before taking any actions.  They interviewed people who were witnesses, they took the time to gather evidence and conspicuously confronted the accused to form a case before taking it to human resources, handling the matter outright or even taking legal action.

It disappointments me that the accusers today aren’t interested in forming a case against those they accused.  Whether it did or did not happen, the accusers just want to be right and want their brand of justice.  — Get them fired.  Get them out.  They hurt me and I want the world to know it! — The motives of these people can be described in one word:  REVENGE.

In my past situations I never wanted revenge.  I just wanted the people who were making lewd comments to stop so I could be comfortable going to work for 8+ hours a day.  

Revenge is not a good thing because it reveals the true side of the human heart.  The corruption and hatred, the selfishness and pride, the arrogance, the bitterness, the strife.  

It really amazes me how no one seems to be calling out these accusers for waiting for so long.  What is their motive?  Why now?  Why did they wait so long?!?! Instead, they form social media groups and hashtag labels to let others join in the #metoo campaign.  

They call it “strength in numbers”…

I call it Pathetic!! 

It’s also pathetic how harassmentgate 2017 has ballooned into this horrible mess of pathetic stupidity when none of this should be happening right now because the accusers who are claiming “harassment” should have stood up years ago and put the accused in their place then…not waiting some 20, 30 or 40 years in the future to get their revenge!

Ironically, their revenge is bitter sweet because all of the accused have amassed fortunes over the years, and are living high on the hog.  If they get fired from whatever they were doing, so what!  They just take their fortunes and run.  

Retirement, here they come!   

You know, I’m not shocked by it, but in all honesty I find it difficult to understand how the world has become such a horrible place to live.  How did we get here?

The world is filled with followers who are flat out pathetically crazy, and more and more cattle decide to wander into the other pasture following the masses down a broad road of destruction.  

It’s pathetic they are even considered part of the human race.