Random Thoughts

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Typically, I spend the first ten or twenty minutes of my mornings pondering a few pathetic thoughts.  It’s what usually happens every morning before my pathetic co-workers show up and ruin my day . . . sigh . . . and this morning was no different.  So, after having a few thoughts that actually made sense, and a number of others that didn‘t, I thought I’d share a few with you…

let’s begin…shall we!  

I wonder…Has anyone bothered to tell the Black Lives Matter people that their lives really don’t matter to me WHAT-SO-EVER?  I mean…I don’t know those people from the next bloke on the block so…umm…yeah.  

Is there a catfish sitting in a hole in some random lake somewhere in the world just waiting for a little fish to swim by for a tasty meal?  

Would ice cream disintegrate if frozen at zero degrees Kelvin and then dropped from the top of the empire state building and allowed to smash into the pavement below?  

Does Donald Trump realize that he’s a pathetic asshat?    

I wonder if there’s an earthquake happening at this very moment on a distant planet, devastating an alien village?  I wonder…if those aliens need help…maybe we should send some aid. Oh…that would never do, by the time it arrived those aliens would all be dead.

I wonder what Plastic Spoon Guy will be eating at his desk today.  Yesterday it was potato chips, some nutty something, and a bag of popcorn.  I really hope he doesn’t eat anything at his desk today.  Maybe I should tell him to stop because it’s annoying…

I wonder if I do anything to annoy him?   

I really need my own office.  

Maybe I should call in sick to work tomorrow…?

Why doesn’t North Korea understand that the rest of the world views them as a pathetic waste of diplomatic hot air? 

Wow, that was a big piece of gum on the sidewalk outside the front door. 

I’d really like to blog about that pathetic article I just read about the guy who’s complaining about a squatter living in his house while he lives in the basement of the same house, but I have other stuff I need to be doing. 

I really should get some work done…oh wait!  I have a great idea for a blog post…I think I’ll call it ‘Random Thoughts!’

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Sharing my pathetically random thoughts every morning is a pathetic waste of time.

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It’s Friday…

 

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By now, I would hope that the majority of you have come to realize that I’m not like the rest of the herd.  I tend to live by my own way of thinking, even if that way isn’t the most popular.

So today, I’d like to provide you with some very fake, very made up percentages that I created just to be annoying and down right pathetic.  I’m only doing this because I’m bored out of my mind at work this morning and need something to pass the time.

Soo…..off we go!

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1% of people who drink coffee have never even seen a coffee bean.

7% of people brush their teeth holding their toothbrush in their left hand.

10% of the male population will never grow a mustache.

16% of children have never watched a cartoon.

25% of Russians don’t know what a shoe lace is.

33% of toilet bowls are made from bamboo.

46% of active politicians had their sweat glands removed before running for office.

58% of social media users JUST posted something they regret.

61% of the Chinese population were attacked by North Korean ninjas over the last half century.

72% of automobiles never passed the toddler test.  (toddler test:  when a group of three to six year old’s get into a car and jump up and down on the seats, pour drinks on the fabric and throw toys and temper tantrums.)

80% of females think they look fat in their outfits today.

88% of men don’t care if a woman thinks she looks fat in her outfit today (the other 12% are asleep).

91% of people walking somewhere will not make eye contact with anyone because they are too busy looking down, staring at their phones or tablets.

94% of you reading this list think these figures are real because you didn’t read the part at the beginning where I said “I MADE THEM UP”.

100% of the 94% are really pathetic, the rest of you who took the time to read through this list are just average pathetic.

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Percentages are pathetic.  Happy Friday.

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