Single Without Kids

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I heard recently that Netflix is going to give unlimited time off to employees who have kids so they can get paid for: 

A) traveling around to show off their newly acquired fetal substance that miraculously turned into a human and was spewed out of their vaginal area.  (I jest of course.  I believe that a child is formed at conception). 

B) trying to figure out how to have more children so they can have a reality show of their own. 

C) spending time taking the newly acquired human on walks and relaxing while it takes naps all the while, not actually doing anything for the company and doubling the workload of the single, childless people in the office who don’t get the same fair treatment!!  

Not only do married with kids people get tax breaks and credits that single people without kids don’t get, but now they also get the unfair favor of having unlimited time off to spend with their kids that we both know won’t be spent entirely with their kids. 

Well isn’t that just great?

And while they are away from the office collecting their free child support payment from a company that didn’t hire them to have a kid, the work they would normally be doing is actually being done by those of us who, for whatever reason, weren’t able to get married or have children of our own.  And what’s the reward for taking on that extra workload? 

—  insert crickets chirping here —

Exactly. 

Zzzzzilch!  

Everyone knows that the pay won’t increase (even though single people without kids are taking on more work because “parents” are absent), and that the company isn’t going to hire anyone to replace them while they’re out because it’s not possible to pay both the “parent” on leave and a new employee. 

Furthermore, those who will be required to put in the extra work won’t be allowed to take any extra time off to recoup after the “parents” get back from their “fetal tissue siesta’s” because that would be irresponsible fiscal management  . . .  ummm  . . .  and paying someone to take unlimited time off because they had a kid isn’t!?!?   Instead, single people without children will get “rewarded” by the eventual return of the oh-so-proud parent who, while passing around pictures of the soon-to-be deviant, will regale the office with numerous pathetic stories of how their new little rugrat made them so proud to be a “parent”.     

I have news for you… THAT’S NOT A REWARD!!! … That’s pathetic!    

I know that times have changed since the days where people could actually comprehend the meaning of responsibility, sacrifice and balancing a family AND career; and I know that there are more and more people of this generation who think they are deserving of some special favors or benefits just because they chose to get married and/or have a kid, but I have a message for them…

YOU chose to spread your legs or take that thing out of your pants and have relations with someone of the opposite gender that resulted in the creation of a child.  No one forced it upon you, and guess what…

People have been having kids for centuries!  It’s not like you’ve done something so miraculous that no one else has ever bothered to do it!  So suck it up and get your ass to work!

I don’t care that you think you NEED to have that time off.  I don’t care that you think you DESERVE that time to be with your kid.  I don’t care that you think your kid is the most special, most intelligent, most beautiful, most talented kid ever created.   I ..  DON’T .. CARE!!

The business you work for didn’t ask you to have a kid and more than likely, it wasn’t part of the “other duties as assigned” portion of your contract.  So stop thinking that you’re deserving of that extra time off because .. well ..  YOU’RE NOT!

However, the people that are deserving of that extra time off are the single people without kids in the office who have had to listen to the pathetic stories, look the pathetic pictures and take on the extra work load for all the time “parents” had to leave because their kid stubbed their toe or had a tummy ache.

Single without kids.  Those are the real heroes of the business world and they are also the least appreciated, least rewarded and most taken advantage of, and it’s high time we give them the accolades and rewards they are deserving of.  

It’s high time that instead of being discriminated against in the workplace, they get the promotions, the advances in pay and the extra time off for all their hard work.  And yes, they are being discriminated against.

Don’t believe me??  Then answer this… When was the last time you read an article where a business rewarded the single people without kids in the office for being at work regularly and taking on the extra work load while those who chose to be “parents” were at home collecting free paychecks for not doing the job they were hired for!?

Once again… —  insert crickets chirping here —

Oh sure…I understand that being a parent is a job in and of itself, but the company you work for did not hire you to be a parent!  You were hired to show up for work everyday and share in the responsibilities that you and your coworkers are required to complete so the business can function and continue to make money, not sit at home and collect a paycheck for being a parent.

So this whole idea of giving unlimited paid time off to those who have a kid while discriminating against those who don’t have kids is pathetically stupid.

 

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