Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  

Anyhoo…

Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…

++++++++++++

Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”

– 

— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…..no.”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”

++++++++++++++

Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    

 

I’m cursed

 

The place I work sucks!

It really does.

I don’t like the atmosphere or the people.

The conversations are horribly redundant.

I don’t look forward to going into work because I know what I’m about to deal with for the day.

I dread every single morning and even some evenings before I go to bed, mainly because I know that morning is coming.

While driving to work I have to force myself to actually turn into the parking lot and not keep driving until I hit the mountains or the ocean.

My manager isn’t that great and normally wants to talk about some stupid board game he’s into.  A topic I care nothing about.

The upper management has no clue on how to operate a business and is financially irresponsible.

One of my co-workers is lazy and spends most of his time on Facebook or some other social media site that has nothing to do with his job.

He loves hearing the sound of his own voice which means that I normally have to listen to his stupid stories about his grand kid or his son or his daughter or some other idiotic story that I care nothing about.

We have to share the office with another team that loves to discuss stupid topics and most of the time we have to listen to one guy complain about software, hardware, politics, his medical problems or just some random issue that got him riled up that day.

The whole office is a petri dish of gossip, slander and down-right horrible stupidity.

The only saving grace is that I get a half day on Friday’s.

The only reason I’m stuck here is because no one else will hire me.

 

 

 

Grocery Hell

 christmas_mall

Here’s an oldie but a goody!  Hope it makes your belly jiggle like a bowl full of jelly!  LOL! 

Originally I published this on Dec 22, 2014…  Merry Christmas! 

George Bernard Shaw once said:  “If the other planets are inhabited, then they are using the earth as their insane asylum,” and I’m quite certain that he said that while grocery shopping during the holidays. 

This evening I made the mistake of stopping at the grocery store after my long and boring day at work. 

Ironically, I used the word “mistake“.  

Even more ironically, that I would lead you to assume I had a choice in the matter.  

It’s amazing the power of one individual who can purposely call you late in the day and ask in a sweet, gentle, loving voice,  “Honey.  We really need some things at the grocery store, and since we forgot to pick them up yesterday.  Would you mind stopping there on your way home from work?”  

I’d like to take a minute and point out some key words used in the statement above.  

First,  The word “honey”. 

It’s a word used by the non-masculine gender to elicit a softening of the heart and mood of those who possess the XY chromosome.  It’s commonly used in place of “sweetie”, “darling”, “sweetheart” and “stud muffin”; all of which can be used interchangeably and will create a warming sensation in the chest and mind of those who possess the XY chromosome.

smiling girlMost of those non-masculine types who use this word will do it out of sheer selfishness to gain an advantage and render powerless those in the XY chromosome category who think they actually have any authority.  Making it impossible to say “no“.

Next, I’d like to point out the pronoun WE which is used directly after the term “honey”.  This is only used to help those with the XY chromosome to understand that they are as much, or more so, responsible for the problem that is about to be conveyed, and IF they would have done their job correctly in the past, WE wouldn’t be in the mess “we’re” in now. 

And finally, the question that is proposed is not a question.  It’s a command that is given with only ONE correct response.  Any other response will bring about certain discomforts to those who possess the XY chromosome. 

So, after slowly driving through more traffic than there should have been (I have no idea where it came from because EVERYONE left work early today except me), I made it to the parking lot of the grocery store and drove around looking for a place to park.  

There were no places to park.  

willy-wonka-tunnelWhen I eventually found a place to park and made the long walk to the front of the store, I entered into a world of sheer imagination…and dread…and hopelessness…and fear.

Instead of grocery carts and baskets, there was a line of people which had me puzzled, so I asked the man standing at the back of the line what they were waiting for and in a blunt, exasperated tone he stated, “shopping cart!

Therefore, like the rest of the cattle, I took my place in line waiting for a grocery cart…but then I came to my senses and realized that these people were all nuts; so I went out to the parking lot and waited for a nice elderly couple to finish using theirs.

After thanking the sweet couple and wishing them a very Merry Christmas, I proceeded back into the store with my newly acquired prize.  …  A Shopping Cart!

However, as soon as I reached the front doors, I was verbally assaulted by a very large woman who didn’t take kindly to my “stealing” a cart from someone in the parking lot, as well as not waiting my turn like everyone else.  (..sigh..)  Like it was my problem these people are as dumb as a herd of cattle waiting to be fed.

Anyway…she proceeded to taunt and berate me in front of the other twenty in the herd…and before I knew it, they all started in on how I was “stealing” because I hadn’t waited my turn by standing in line while a punk kid pushing carts was out having a smoke while waiting in the parking lot for other cattle to repossess their carts.

Nonetheless, as they all continued to complain about their lack of ingenuity and ability to take the lead, I took advantage of the situation and directed their argument towards one another by accusing one of the customers of cutting in line, and while they started arguing among themselves…I ignored them and walked into the store…

…  with my shopping cart.

I very much wish that was the end of my grocery store fiasco, but it wasn’t.  The aisles were packed with cattle trying to locate their desired wares.  Some of them were just standing there looking at the ceiling.

I’m not joking…there were two guys and one very old lady just standing there looking at the ceiling.  I think they were security or maybe they heard voices…but each time I walked by them (passed one guy three times) I looked up to see what they were staring at…I should’ve asked because I never saw it.

It took 30 minutes to find a place to park.  30 minutes to snag a grocery cart.  1 hour and 30 minutes to acquire and pay for all the groceries I needed (wife kept texting me with more items) and 25 minutes to get out of the parking lot.   

Nearly three hours later…I’m home.  Groceries are delivered.  Wife is hap….

…crap…

…spoke too soon…

I forgot the butter.   //hangs head\\

Grocery stores around the holidays are pathetic.

 

 

 

 

Media Headlines

Fail_3

This morning I was browsing the online media headlines and here’s the pathetic turn of events…

“Dallas shooter….blah, blah, blah…

“Hilla….blah…blah…blah…

“Trump…nope….

“Dallas shoo…nope

“Trum…nope…

“Hill….nope…

“Obam …. nope…

“Dall…nope…

“Politics ….nope…

“Kardashians….nope…

“‘Shocking’…I’m sure it is, to someone who has no mind of their own…nope…

“Gun debate…nope…

“Britney Spears….nope…

“Bikini pic…nope…  

“Revealing pic of … nope….nope… Aaannnnddd … nope! 

Media headlines are so pathetically transparent that the articles aren’t worth reading anymore.

Bankruptcy

Declare Bankruptcy

Donald Trump comes across as a pathetic blowhard with self esteem problems, but in light of that pathetic little character flaw I really believe that there’s too much being made about Donald Trump’s bankruptcies.  The reason I say this is because bankruptcy claims are filed by millions of you cattle every year, and some of you have filed more than once over a ten to twenty year period, so you really have no stones to throw at the poor guy.  

The website USCOURTS.GOV posted an article about this very topic in April 2015.  They even published a handy little chart to show the number of business and non-business bankruptcy filings over a five year period and the numbers are quite pathetic.  

BUSINESS AND NON-BUSINESS FILINGS YEARS ENDING MARCH 31, 2011-2015
Year Business Non-business Total
2015 26,130 884,956 911,086
2014 31,671 1,006,609 1,038,280
2013 37,552 1,132,772 1,170,324
2012 46,393 1,320,613 1,367,006
2011 54,212 1,516,971 1,571,183
TOTAL BANKRUPTCY FILINGS BY BANKRUPTCY CHAPTER YEARS ENDING MARCH 31, 2011-2015
Year Chapter
7 11 12 13
2015 596,867 7,053 354 306,729
2014 699,982 8,564 388 329,256
2013 804,885 9,811 463 355,081
2012 958,757 11,339 606 396,175
2011 1,118,481 13,051 743 438,788

Another website, Debt.org, posted their own statistics regarding annual debt and bankruptcy claims for 2011.  

In that article it’s mentioned that “8 percent of those who file for bankruptcy have filed at least once before. These repeat filers are responsible for 16 percent of all bankruptcy cases.” And that “Roughly equal numbers of men and women file bankruptcy, with a ratio of 48-to-52. Over the last few years, the gap has been shrinking.”

They also mention that the 2011 study also found that 60 percent of bankruptcy filers have salaries of less than $30,000.  This reflected a decrease from about 66 percent four years earlier.  However, over the same period, an increasing percentage of filers reported making more than $60,000 annually.  This demographic grew from comprising 5.5 percent to 9.2 percent.

The point here is that in today’s world, bankruptcy is as common place as getting a tattoo, popping antidepressants, gambling and wiping after you take a crap.  Interesting little tidbit of information here is that bankruptcy happens in every state in the union and by all different classes of people.  Also, the last time I checked bankruptcy is not a criminal act.  At least not as criminal as, oh, I dunno know…let’s say…moving classified and highly sensitive government emails to your public server after signing a classified document accountability record and then having your personal server breached by a hacker where said classified and highly sensitive emails were compromised which may have caused a national security issue and the loss of American lives. . . . . . 

Fox_fingerpoints

Sadly, the journalistic lack of integrity machine is trying to find something to hang over The Don’s head to divert the attention from Hillarious “I have a Rod and Ham shoved up my butt” Clinton’s email server scandal; which, if you know anything about government secrecy, is way more criminal than filing multiple bankruptcy claims.  

Please don’t misunderstand, I am not saying that I support Donald Trump.   Far from it.  I think the guy is a pathetic douche nozzle and only wants to be president of the USA because he has an ulterior motive that no one knows about but him.  However, I do think it’s pathetic that the only thing people seem to be harping on about The Don is the numerous bankruptcy claims when bankruptcy really isn’t that bad.  

Also, in my pathetic opinion I believe that BOTH candidates are crude, disrespectful, unsavory, contemptible, lovers of money, lovers of self, lovers of power, egotistic, self-centered, liars who just happen to be the perfect example of 99 percent of America. 

But who am I to throw stones?  

Trying to make a bankruptcy claim sound more criminal than it really is . . . Pathetic! 

Bankruptcy

New Nicknames…Wikidork, Candelabra and Dip-Doodle

work1

For the past nine months my little team was separated from the rest of the other teams I had been associated with.  We were secluded in a little office where we could talk about stuff as a team and no one ever seemed to bother us.  It was a great little office.  I liked that office. 

And then, one of the upper management douche-nozzles quit and that changed everything.  

A couple months ago my little team was placed under another dip-doodle who decided they wanted to move our team closer to their office.  He had brought it to the attention of my supervisor who couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for why we shouldn’t move, soooo…last week…we begrudgingly packed up our little office and moved.

After being in this little cube for only a couple days, I’d like to pull my hair out.  I am surrounded by idiots who think they know everything.  One guy who I like to refer to as, Wikidork, never seems shy about sharing his lack of knowledge about everything and anything.  No matter how wrong he is, he just loves sharing his stupidity.  The really sad thing is that most of the cattle that work with this guy accept his ding-battery as if it’s coming from a man who’s lived for thousands of years. 

Then there’s the gate keeper, who I like to call “Candelabra”.  The reason for the nickname isn’t because of her personality or looks, I just came up with it because it sounds funny, and I don’t normally like calling people names that aren’t funny.  

Candelabra is a wonderful gossip of everything that isn’t anything, but if you want to know something about someone, she’s your go-to person.  Furthermore, she’s the administrative assistant to our “INTERIM” supervisor, so she’s keeping track of everyone’s whereabouts, comings and goings and just being a royal pain in the you know what.  

And yes, our current upper management guy, who I’ve nicknamed dip-doodle, is “interim”.  Dip-doodle was told that his position would be interim after the douche-nozzle quit a few months back, and yet…he thinks that moving us closer to his office will impress the guy above him and force us to be under his “leadership” (a term I use very loosely because this guy isn’t a leader by any stretch of the definition.)  

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was in an office where I didn’t have direct windows, but I could walk out in the hallway and look outside.  It was refreshing and some days  it was very much needed.  Now… I’m stuck in a basement … again … surrounded by pathetic morons … again.  

Will this pathetic work-life ever get better?  

After 44 years of pathetic experiences, I have my doubts.