Last night I went to bed feeling okay.  

This morning…

I woke up with my sinuses plugged, chest congested and feeling like I went three rounds with a professional MMA fighter and losing.  

In other words, I think I’m coming down with something or maybe I already have it.  Either way, I don’t feel well at all.  

What’s worse is that I do everything I can to protect myself from viruses and bacteria, but sadly, my co-workers do not.  

This office is like a giant petri dish.  Each cube containing it’s own variation of the many horrible diseases that can be spread from bovine to bovine, which is one of the many reasons I posted yesterday’s post.  


Right now (6:30 AM), I’m sitting at my desk considering taking a nap, but I’d only get a couple minutes in because a bunch of idiots show up a little before 7 AM.


I’m not looking forward to another day of listening to stupid people cluck like chickens about stupid stuff that I could care less about.  

It’s really pathetic how tired I feel right now.  I hate getting sick.


Workplace Pathetic


So, I started my new job back in May of this year, and I was kind of excited to get started with this team because it was a change from the everyday melodrama that was everyday life.

After the first month things seemed to be all good and well.  We all got along, the guys seemed to be hard workers, they showed up everyday and training went great; but once I was comfortable with the layout of the job and the scope of my duties, reality set in.

Both of the guys I work with are burned out and really don’t want to be here.  They, along with my supervisor, have informed me that they aren’t all that happy.

One of the guys I work with has been here for 15 years, the other has been here for 6, and the things they have had to put up with would drive even the most patient person in the world to the point of indifference and unconcern.  Both really don’t like their jobs, but they show up everyday and do as little as they can.

When I started this job, I was led to believe in the interview as well as conversations during training that we were a team and would be splitting the workload and that isn’t happening.

Our supervisor and I had a talk a few weeks ago about this very thing, but instead of venting and complaining, I casually mentioned that I seem to be doing more than the other two and that I would appreciate it if they would do a little more.  During our conversation he said something that I found to be strange and a bit hypocritical.

He mentioned that before I came on board, he had three employees and one of the guys was carrying more weight than the other two.  Basically, the completed request ratio was around 10 requests to every 3 or four for the other two guys on the team.  This went on for about four years and eventually the guy complained about it to our supervisor, but even after talking with the other two and trying to balance the workload, the discrepancy never changed.

So, he knew for some time that both guys I work with are burned out and then he informs me that even though he knew that, he still made the decision when I started back in May to take one of them off the requests that come in so only two of us would be handling the workload.  Myself and one of the guys who doesn’t carry his weight.

His purpose for that was because the guy didn’t really want to do it anymore and my supervisor needed a backup for all the work he does, so he figured taking him off the request list would be the best way to fix that problem.

Sooooo…you have a team of three people.  One guy is doing more work than the other two and gets burned out.  He complains that the workload isn’t being distributed fairly, the other two don’t care.  One of them quits.  You hire someone as a replacement, then take ONE employee off the workload and leave the new person along with one of the remaining people who are proven not to carry their weight to divide the work between two people.

Does that sound logical?

scratching head

Yeah…it left me scratching my head because I don’t find that logical at all.  I find it pathetic!

You only have three employees!  How in the world do you figure that removing one of them from the workload is going to balance the workload when one of the two doesn’t really want to carry their weight?

Isn’t that like being stuck in a revolving door?  I mean someone’s eventually going to get burned out again, and sadly, that someone happens to be me.

And what’s even more sad?

This is just the tip of the iceberg.


Pathetic!  That I’m looking for another job after being in this one for only 6 and a half months.

(I’m so damn tired…)






Lost Hope. No Faith.


this morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I’m not happy, but that’s nothing new…I haven’t been happy for years.

I am the most cynical, most condescending, most pathetic person you will ever meet.

I have claimed to be a Christian for the past 40 years, and up until three years ago, that was true.  Now…not so much.

I still believe in Jesus.  I know He exists.  I believe in God the Father, and I know that He raised Jesus from the dead, but what I have a difficult time believing is that God wants to bless me.

Here’s the story…

I was raised with the understanding that God answers prayers…however, as I’ve studied the subject, I’ve come to find that He only answers prayer as long as your prayers meet certain criteria.

1)  You have to pray in Jesus name. (there’s more to that but I don’t have time to write it all right now.  But just know that it’s more than just saying “Jesus” in your prayers.)

2)  You have to believe and not have ANY doubts that the thing you pray will be given to you.

3)  You have to ask with the right motives.

4)  You have to wait patiently.


none of my prayers get answered so I guess I’m missing something.

Either I don’t pray with the right motives or I don’t pray in the “name” of Jesus or I don’t wait long enough or I doubt that I’ll ever get an answer to my prayers.

Truth is, I don’t know the answer…but I’m sick and tired of asking for things and never getting an answer.

For the past 23 years I’ve asked for a number of things.  I’ve asked for material items, I’ve asked for hope, faith, trust, perseverance, friends, health and protection.  I’ve asked for guidance and wisdom, life and death, sickness and health.  I’ve asked for a family of my own, a loving wife, kids and for the healing of others.  I’ve asked for a new car, for friends to have prayers answered and for other people who I don’t know to be cared for and lifted up.   And through it all, I have no idea why my prayers go unanswered.

I have enjoyed praying for others.  I enjoy it, because I know that praying for others leads to their happiness and building up of faith, and through it all I’ve seen people be blessed by God, but truth be told…I don’t believe it was because of my prayers.  More so because of a collective of prayers offered by many who were praying for them.

But that was years ago.

Fast forward to today…

My prayers are ignored.

I didn’t want to be back in this crap hole of a business,  I didn’t want to be here at all.

I hate this place because the bureaucracy is pathetic, the paper trails are pathetic, the amount of people who have to sign off on something just to get started on something is pathetic.

I also hate this city I live in.

It’s what I call the vortex of hell.  I call it that because this city has a way of sucking you in and keeping you here FOREVER!   If you are one of the lucky few who happen to get out, it’s because this city threw you out, not because you chose to leave on your own.

Every morning for the past ten years I have awoke and uttered the same prayer…  “Lord, please let me die.  I hate this life. I hate my job and I hate this city.  I am NOT happy.  If you want me to be happy, lead me out of here, or answer my request.  Take me home.”  and for the past ten years that prayer has gone unanswered.

And here I am.



Worn out.

There is no hope because I lost it all.  I have no faith because every time I ask for help, it never comes.

I am alone.

I have no friends because no one understands my plight.  My family could care less and whenever I try to talk with them about it, I get the same pathetic reply…”just trust God.”   (btw…I said that in a condescending tone).

But I’m finding it difficult to do that…

I have no confidence to ask anyone for help.  I’m tired people!!!