Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  


Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…


Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”


— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”


Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    



“The Schrute”


“And now back to your regularly scheduled blogging about all things pathetic”

For those who have been reading my blog for some time, you know that I have a very strange sense of humor, and I’m sure you’re wondering if you’ll ever see that again.  

Well…you’ll be pleased to know that my weird and wacky sense of humor has not gone away, it just took a break for a short time as I used this area of my life as a sounding board of sorts. 

Thank you for being patient as I vented some feelings and frustrations in my recent posts.  You’ve all been very supportive, and I appreciate you all…even though I still think you’re all cattle and followers of too many wrong and horrible things, but that’s a rant for another post at a later date.  As for today, I’d like to get back to sharing stories about all things pathetic. 

Along those lines, I feel that it’s of extremely high importance that I share with you a couple of things that I absolutely refuse to do. 

First, I absolutely refuse to pander to the masses.

If you’ve been reading my blog for any period of time, you should know by now that just because the rest of the herd are all heading in the direction of the slaughter house, it does NOT mean that I have to follow them.   

Second, I absolutely refuse to stand in line for anything other than a movie.  However, IF I choose to stand in line for a movie, it better be the best movie ever made or there will be hell to pay.  How will hell be paid??   I haven’t quite figured that out yet, but just know that eventually there will be hell to pay.  

Third, and most importantly, I absolutely refuse to suck-up to my boss. 

I mention this only because, today, I got a glimpse of my manager’s manager doing this very thing, and he was doing it wrong!   

How … exactly … can a person completely fail at sucking up, you ask?  

Let me attempt to explain.

So, normally on Wednesday’s we have a team meeting and talk about purchases that may have a higher priority than say…buying someone in the herd a new diamond encrusted cell phone cover; but this week has been a bit different because we are inundated with new requests from the pathetically annoying who are trying to get purchases through before the fiscal year comes to a close.  

Without saying more than necessary, I’ll just tell you that it’s a rather daunting time of year for those of us in purchasing and finance.  And unless you actually spend time in the position, you have no idea how exhausting bovine can be when they can’t get their stuff.

It really is pathetic.  

But more on that some other time…so anyway, we normally have our team meeting on Wednesday’s but my direct manager decided to move it up a day and so we met this afternoon.

Just as we were finishing up discussing some topics of great importance, in walks my manager’s manager.  Let’s call him, “Schrute”.  The reason: because he’s the typical Dwight Schrute suck up.

When he speaks, it’s rife with the smell of putrefaction.  For those of you not smart enough to look that word up on Google, it means the process of decay or rotting in a body or other organic matter.

Sadly, he thinks he’s being clever or smart or pulling one over on those of us who actually see through his nonsense, and today was no different. 

But before I get too far ahead of myself let me fill you in on a little minor backstory that happened earlier in the day.

Earlier in the day the CIO walks into my office and asks me about a purchase that was well over $25K.  Before these purchases can be approved there is a minimum of three quotes/bids that need to be made from vendors.  I submitted the quotes/bids and added them to the form where I requested the funds be approved for purchasing said items. 

The CIO…who’s pretty high up in the company…asked me about the order and after detailing out everything I did verbally and then in email form for paper trail reasons, the CIO stated that he would approve it as soon as he got back to his desk.  He also stated that since it was end of fiscal year, if there were any other orders that needed to be pushed through quickly, he would be happy to approve them so we didn’t end up sitting on things that needed to be paid for out of this fiscal year’s budget.  Which was pretty swell of the guy, since he didn’t have to say that, but our CIO is actually a pretty great guy with a really great sense of humor.  In other words, he’s about as laid back as you can get and a really awesome guy to work for. 

Let’s skip ahead to our team meeting… 

As we were finishing up the meeting, “Schrute” (a.k.a. :The Butt-Kisser”) walks into the conference room and says…  “Hey.  Ummm….sooooo….yeeeaaahhhh….that large order…?”  

It was at this point that my teammates and I just looked at one another and shrugged because none of us knew what the hell he was talking about. 

We have “large orders” about twice a day, so he really needed to be more specific.  Then, noticing that we didn’t have a clue about what he was talking about, “Schrute” blurts out…“You know..those signature pads!?”

Right then my manager chimes in and asks if there was a problem to which “Schrute” replied, “Well…I was talking with the CIO and he wanted me to get some clarification about why we needed so many of them.  I mean, he just wants me to be safe here…and not make mistakes like what we did a few weeks…uh…months ago when we ordered something…a-a-and…umm…well, we’re just a little gun shy right now.” 

As I glanced at each of my teammates, this was the look on their faces:



Many of you might be thinking that the CIO might have gone to “Schrute” and asked him to get some clarification on this purchase, but remember, the CIO had earlier walked into my office and talked with me directly about it.  Also, the CIO and I go way back.  I’ve known this guy for over seven years!!   SEVEN YEARS!!!  and I’ve never known him to use his underlings to check up on other underlings.  If the CIO has a concern, he goes to the source, so obviously I knew that “Schrute” was just trying to be . . . well . . .  a Schrute.

My manager did his best to let “Schrute” know that we took care of it, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.  For some reason “Schrute” just didn’t want to hear anything other than what he wanted to hear, and I’m still trying to figure out what that was.  

And if you’re wondering…by the time we all got back to our desks, the CIO had approved the purchase.

Now do you see how miserably Schrute failed at being a suckup?  

yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh…I’m gonna need him to not do that anymore.

Being a Schrute is pathetic.  

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