Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  


Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…


Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”


— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”


Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    



Workplace Pathetic


So, I started my new job back in May of this year, and I was kind of excited to get started with this team because it was a change from the everyday melodrama that was everyday life.

After the first month things seemed to be all good and well.  We all got along, the guys seemed to be hard workers, they showed up everyday and training went great; but once I was comfortable with the layout of the job and the scope of my duties, reality set in.

Both of the guys I work with are burned out and really don’t want to be here.  They, along with my supervisor, have informed me that they aren’t all that happy.

One of the guys I work with has been here for 15 years, the other has been here for 6, and the things they have had to put up with would drive even the most patient person in the world to the point of indifference and unconcern.  Both really don’t like their jobs, but they show up everyday and do as little as they can.

When I started this job, I was led to believe in the interview as well as conversations during training that we were a team and would be splitting the workload and that isn’t happening.

Our supervisor and I had a talk a few weeks ago about this very thing, but instead of venting and complaining, I casually mentioned that I seem to be doing more than the other two and that I would appreciate it if they would do a little more.  During our conversation he said something that I found to be strange and a bit hypocritical.

He mentioned that before I came on board, he had three employees and one of the guys was carrying more weight than the other two.  Basically, the completed request ratio was around 10 requests to every 3 or four for the other two guys on the team.  This went on for about four years and eventually the guy complained about it to our supervisor, but even after talking with the other two and trying to balance the workload, the discrepancy never changed.

So, he knew for some time that both guys I work with are burned out and then he informs me that even though he knew that, he still made the decision when I started back in May to take one of them off the requests that come in so only two of us would be handling the workload.  Myself and one of the guys who doesn’t carry his weight.

His purpose for that was because the guy didn’t really want to do it anymore and my supervisor needed a backup for all the work he does, so he figured taking him off the request list would be the best way to fix that problem.

Sooooo…you have a team of three people.  One guy is doing more work than the other two and gets burned out.  He complains that the workload isn’t being distributed fairly, the other two don’t care.  One of them quits.  You hire someone as a replacement, then take ONE employee off the workload and leave the new person along with one of the remaining people who are proven not to carry their weight to divide the work between two people.

Does that sound logical?

scratching head

Yeah…it left me scratching my head because I don’t find that logical at all.  I find it pathetic!

You only have three employees!  How in the world do you figure that removing one of them from the workload is going to balance the workload when one of the two doesn’t really want to carry their weight?

Isn’t that like being stuck in a revolving door?  I mean someone’s eventually going to get burned out again, and sadly, that someone happens to be me.

And what’s even more sad?

This is just the tip of the iceberg.


Pathetic!  That I’m looking for another job after being in this one for only 6 and a half months.

(I’m so damn tired…)






Magic Mike

magic mike

I have this coworker who I refer to as “Magic Mike”, and it’s not because of his rock-hard abs, which I’m sure he has, but they are well hidden beneath his well-toned beer belly that he developed because of the six-pack that he drinks on a nightly basis.

So why do I call him Magic Mike if he doesn’t have the body of a male stripper or look like Channing Tatum?  

The answer lies in how he is able to make his work magically vanish from his desk and appear on mine.  – Pathetic!

Today was no different.  I took work off yesterday because of a possible sinus infection, but after a day of rest, popping Zicam and benadryl like they are candy and not being around my virus carrying coworkers I felt much better today…so I braved the cold and wind and went to work.  

As I approached my desk, I noticed a sticky note on my monitor that usually means one thing…Magic Mike wanted to see me. 

Let me fill you in on a couple things about Magic Mike.  First, the guy can’t send emails and won’t use instant messaging.  I don’t know if he doesn’t know how to use outlook or communicator or if he’s afraid there will be a paper trail of how he dumps his work off on other people, but either way, and for some strange reason, he feels that it’s necessary to walk over to see you in person.

Second, Magic Mike has an odor.  I think he eats a lot of garlic or maybe it’s onions, because he has a pungent smell of one or the other.  I think it’s because he drinks a lot and uses the garlic and onions to mask the odor of alcohol.  And if you’re wondering…the answer is: yes…even at eight in the morning he has this odor.  

Third, Magic Mike sweats a lot.  I don’t know if it’s a glandular problem or if he’s just a nervous person, but he sweats.  I don’t like it.  Sweating is for athletes, runners and people who workout, not for the office where you sit and do nothing all day.   And since he sweats so much I’ve thought about calling him “Water Works” or “Sweat Shop” but neither seem to fit, and my little circle of trusted coworkers have agreed that referring to him as “Magic Mike” is much more humorous, so it sticks.  

Fourth, Magic Mike is a team lead and has taken the title to mean that he no longer has to do any more work, instead he feels that he’s been given the right to delegate his work out to whomever he wishes.   From what I gather of the past six months…he wishes that person to to be me. 

Fifth, the title of “team lead” doesn’t really mean anything, the management doesn’t see him as a manager so the higher ups determined that if you’re not management material then you become a “leader” not a “manager”, but you still get the salary and benefits that the managers get…just not the title or the responsibility; which I think is quite pathetic, but that’s neither here nor there.  

and Finally, Magic Mike works on a team of people who are supposed to be the next level up from my team.  So, basically if my team can’t resolve the issue…we send it up to his team because they are supposed to be more educated, skilled and trained; but apparently Magic Mike doesn’t see it that way. 

So, this morning I see the sticky note on my monitor and yes…it was from Magic Mike.  However, I didn’t bother contacting him; because I had missed yesterday and wanted to get my day started off by answering emails and catching up on a few tickets that needed my attention. 

mumfordBut sure enough…and like the the Amazing Mumford from Sesame Street…

A La Peanut Butter Sandwiches!”   PooF!…   There was the smell of garlic and/or onions.  

I slowly looked over my shoulder to see his sweat covered face smiling at me.  He then proceeded to tell me that the “Pinata” (another coworker on my team who’s as lazy as Magic Mike.  I’ll tell ya about her another time.) failed to research something and wanted to know if I would look into it. 

I gotta tell ya…I don’t know if it was from being exhausted because of the benadryl, or if because I still had residual effects from the sinus congestion; but I looked him square in the eye and said…

“Go back to your desk.  Send the work back to “Pinata”.  Tell her what needs to be done and leave me the hell alone!” 

He never said a word.  He just got up…and walked away.  And then I heard the door to my supervisors office close… 

What happened next really pissed me off…

My supervisor sent me an “invite” to a meeting between she, myself and Magic Mike for later this afternoon. 

I have a strong feeling that someone’s going to get fired today.  I’m sure it’ll be me.

My workplace and Magic Mike are pathetic!