Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  

Anyhoo…

Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…

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Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”

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— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…..no.”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”

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Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    

 

For the Women

dating2

 

A study conducted at UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle or past menopause.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to a men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to me more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

 

Friday Funny: Amazon.com Adverts

sperm

I was browsing products on Amazon.com the other day and stumbled upon a few advertisements that were quite pathetic.  
After the first two, I thought they were just random, but then I realized they weren’t random.  People actually put these pathetic advertisements and promotional pictures together for all the world to see!  
And since I have the means to help promote all things pathetic, I figured I would share them with you all…
Enjoy! 

Flashlights!!  

The below advert clearly shows that the product will allow a person to confidently shoot high-intensity lasers at whatever they happen to be looking at.  This comes in handy while camping or hiking and you suddenly get attacked by bears, moose or other wildlife.

laserhead

This picture below reveals that by pointing this flashlight directly at your face, the light will instantly reveal every major flaw you possess inside and out.  It’s very handy for women to help weed out the losers from the winners. 

flashlight

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Mosquito Repellent!!

I know that if I were camping and a swarm of giant cartoon mosquitoes showed up, I’d be heading home, but not these two!

I’m not sure what happened to the guy in the hat behind that woman…I think he’s napping, but then again, maybe he was attacked by a giant cartoon mosquito and is having a reaction, but as you can clearly see,  the mosquito repellent weaponry that the woman has placed on her right wrist allows her to remain confident in the midst of a giant cartoon mosquito attack.

mosquito repel2

I don’t know if the mosquito is repelled by the wrist band or the weirdness of the situation.

mosquito repel1

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Costume Pants!! 

These are called: Goosh Pants.

Obviously the name speaks for itself, but if you can’t tell from looking at the picture, these are for Halloween…or maybe a wedding.  Either way, anything that makes it look like you’ve just wet or soiled yourself is worth the purchase!

Halloween costume

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Weird Toys!!

Next we have “The Breast Milk Baby”.  It’s for all those little girls who just can’t wait to breast feed!  It comes with a plastic doll and an apron that has nipples on it for the baby to feed on.

If you thought this picture was bad enough, here’s a youtube link for a  televised commercial showing how the product works: Breast milk baby video

Breast Milk Baby

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Selfie Stick!!

Our next advert is from a selfie stick advertisement that gives us three great uses and then one rather … ummm … let’s just say that one of these things is not like the others:

one of these things is not like the others

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Items Frequently Bought Together!!

And finally, I have saved the most pathetic for last.

Amazon.com likes to give their customers the option of being able to buy multiple items together.  These options are usually found just below the actual item that a customer might be viewing.  For instance, if you’re looking to purchase bath towels, you might have the option to purchase bath towels + shampoo as a combo purchase.

Normally, Amazon.com will label these as “Frequently Bought Together” items and give the customer an idea of how much they would save if they too purchased these items together.

However, in one such instance this blogger was given a very pathetic and very weird option of “Frequently Bought Together” items:

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combined items III  <— click on picture to enlarge

I guess there are a lot of pathetic people who enjoy relaxing to the soothing ocean sounds of an LED night light after a long day of trapping their own rodents and grinding them up into fresh meat!

I gotta say, that’s not my idea of healthy or relaxing, but too each their pathetic own!

 

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