Lab Rat

My manager and I were discussing the reasons as to why so many pathetically ignorant people are promoted into management positions in my little vortex of hell, and then we realized that they never seem to leave.  

We actually named off close to 30 managers in my little vortex of hell who should be demoted or fired for ignorance and stupidity alone.  

Ya…that’s right . . . THIRTY! . . . and quite pathetically we probably could have named off more if we hadn’t been so rudely interrupted by a phone call from one of the managers we had previously named.

These so-called “managers” are very much like a nagging cough or stuffy nose that keeps you awake at night . . . Actually . . .that gives the annoying cough or stuffy nose a bad rap.  

I swear my little vortex of hell is cloning or breeding these people in a some secret lab, bringing them into our facility and placing them in management or supervisory roles and then secretly watching how the rest of us react to their stupidity and lack of knowledge.  

It’s like we’re lab rats or something.  


Yesterday I had this conversation with one of the aforementioned nagging coughs…


Computer Manager: “Sooo, what did you find out about my computer order?  Will it be delivered tomorrow?”   

Me:  “I did find out that the order is still in production and hasn’t left the facility yet.  So no, it won’t be delivered tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Soooo…I’m not going to get it tomorrow?”

Me:  “No, but it looks like it might ship over the weekend and we might see it on Monday or Tuesday of next week.” 

Computer Manager:  “But that won’t work.  I need it delivered tomorrow.” 

Me:  “I don’t have any control over the vendor or the delivery company.  All I know is that it won’t be here tomorrow.” 

Computer Manager:  “Would you please look again?  I need that shipment tomorrow.”  

Me:  “Sure, I’ll check again, but I’m confident that we’re not getting the delivery tomorrow.” 

Me: (after checking status again)…“It’s still in the production stage, so no change.  We’re not getting that shipment tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager: (in slightly agitated and bewildered tone) “Are you serious?!?!  (sighs heavily) I cannot believe that they haven’t shipped my order yet!!  What’s the hold up on their end?”  

Me:  “Again…I don’t know.  I don’t work for the vendor, but let me contact the sales rep and see if they can shed some light on this.”

Computer Manager:  “Okay.  You do that.  And tell them I NEED that order delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  ” yeeahh…I’ll see what I can find out.”


— — time passes as I’m waiting for an answer from the vendor — — 

— — Answer finally comes from the vendor — —

Me:  “The vendor sent me an email to let me know that the order is still in production and won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “Seriously!!??!!  I can’t have that!!  Did you tell them I MUST have it delivered tomorrow?”  

Me:  “Yes.  But seeing as the entire order is STILL in production, it can’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Computer Manager:  “That’s no good.  Give me his number.  I’ll call him myself.”  

Me:  “okay…here’s his number:  ###-###-####”  

— — time passes while I do other stuff that actually matters instead of waiting for her to contact me again — —

— — unfortunately, she contacts me again — —

Computer Manager:  “Okay…the sales rep told me that the order is still in production so it won’t be delivered tomorrow.”  

Me:  “yep.”  (color me surprised)

Computer Manager:  “what does the status “in production” even mean?  Does that mean it’s on the truck?”  

Me: (completely shocked (even though I shouldn’t have been) that question was even asked)  “Uuuhhhh…”  

Computer Manager:  “Well, I need a tracking number so I know where it is, so if it’s not on a truck how do I know what the status is?”

Me:  “The vendor will provide the tracking number once the order ships, but since it’s still “IN PRODUCTION” and has NOT shipped yet, there won’t be a tracking number.”

Computer Manager:  “The vendor needs to be more specific about the status of my orders.  I can’t tell if it’s being shipped, in production or where it is.  This is so frustrating!” 

Me:  “Yes it is.”  (but I’m talking about her, not the vendor…fortunately for me, she’s too wrapped up in herself to recognize that)

Computer Manager:  “Well, stay on top of this and let me know the status once you have a tracking number.”  

Me:  “okay”


Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried, but this is the stupid and pathetic I have to deal with on a daily basis and it’s frustrating. 

Having to be a lab rat in my little vortex of hell is pathetically exhausting.    



Magic Mike – part 2 – The Meeting of the Pathetic Minds


My previous post was about my morning and how Magic Mike wanted to delegate his work by approaching me after I had just returned from taking a sick day, me telling him off and he complaining to my immediate supervisor; which led to a meeting scheduled this afternoon of all parties.

Now when I say “all parties” (heh, heh) I mean…ALL parties.

not me. just a random guy with a sly smile.

You see, Magic Mike doesn’t think I’m very smart.  He also doesn’t know that I am well aware of his antics and behavior; and that when I started this job a couple years ago, I also started taking note of who he would delegate his work to and how often.  Because even though we don’t all carry our own weight, pajama tops, the velveteen yard ornament and pinata to name a few, we still communicate with each other.  

I’ve known about Magic Mike’s delegation tactics for some time, and I’ve been keeping a journal of his deliberate actions for the past few months.  I have all the work history, the conversations we’ve had, the dates and times and roughly how much time each job took for me to complete.  

If nothing else, I’m thorough.     

So, after I received the meeting invite from my supervisor this morning I did a little something that neither he, nor my supervisor expected.  I sent my own invite to all of my coworkers, Magic Mike’s supervisor, the next supervisor above him (who happens to be my boss’s supervisor) and my HR rep. 

again…not me. just random guy with sly smile.

Not everyone was able to attend in such short notice, but let’s just say…Magic Mike lost a little magic today. 

When I informed my team about the reason for the meeting, they were as angry as I was and every one of them agreed to join the meeting.  The only one who wouldn’t be in attendance was the upper management guy. 

When we walked in, my supervisor and Magic Mike weren’t happy, but I didn’t care.  We had a long 45 minute conversation where I did the majority of the talking, mainly because I had my trusty journal.  

Each coworker explained their experiences with having Magic Mike delegate his work to them over the years, and well…

This was an eye opener for many in the room, including Magic Mike’s boss, who didn’t know about any of this, but assured me and our team that anything we send their way would not be sent back to us. 

After the meeting was over I had a little talk with my HR rep who informed me that Magic Mike is under investigation… shhh!  I’m not supposed to share that ...beacuse his drinking has been an issue for some time and people around the company have been complaining about his lack of…how shall we say…work ethic.  

Soooo…the short end of it is this….

I didn’t get fired, Magic Mike is under investigation for being drunk at work and not doing his job and I get to live another day to blog about my coworkers. 

blank stare
again, not me. Tobey Maguire.

Yeah….that makes me happy! 

Today was extremely pathetic.

Magic Mike

magic mike

I have this coworker who I refer to as “Magic Mike”, and it’s not because of his rock-hard abs, which I’m sure he has, but they are well hidden beneath his well-toned beer belly that he developed because of the six-pack that he drinks on a nightly basis.

So why do I call him Magic Mike if he doesn’t have the body of a male stripper or look like Channing Tatum?  

The answer lies in how he is able to make his work magically vanish from his desk and appear on mine.  – Pathetic!

Today was no different.  I took work off yesterday because of a possible sinus infection, but after a day of rest, popping Zicam and benadryl like they are candy and not being around my virus carrying coworkers I felt much better today…so I braved the cold and wind and went to work.  

As I approached my desk, I noticed a sticky note on my monitor that usually means one thing…Magic Mike wanted to see me. 

Let me fill you in on a couple things about Magic Mike.  First, the guy can’t send emails and won’t use instant messaging.  I don’t know if he doesn’t know how to use outlook or communicator or if he’s afraid there will be a paper trail of how he dumps his work off on other people, but either way, and for some strange reason, he feels that it’s necessary to walk over to see you in person.

Second, Magic Mike has an odor.  I think he eats a lot of garlic or maybe it’s onions, because he has a pungent smell of one or the other.  I think it’s because he drinks a lot and uses the garlic and onions to mask the odor of alcohol.  And if you’re wondering…the answer is: yes…even at eight in the morning he has this odor.  

Third, Magic Mike sweats a lot.  I don’t know if it’s a glandular problem or if he’s just a nervous person, but he sweats.  I don’t like it.  Sweating is for athletes, runners and people who workout, not for the office where you sit and do nothing all day.   And since he sweats so much I’ve thought about calling him “Water Works” or “Sweat Shop” but neither seem to fit, and my little circle of trusted coworkers have agreed that referring to him as “Magic Mike” is much more humorous, so it sticks.  

Fourth, Magic Mike is a team lead and has taken the title to mean that he no longer has to do any more work, instead he feels that he’s been given the right to delegate his work out to whomever he wishes.   From what I gather of the past six months…he wishes that person to to be me. 

Fifth, the title of “team lead” doesn’t really mean anything, the management doesn’t see him as a manager so the higher ups determined that if you’re not management material then you become a “leader” not a “manager”, but you still get the salary and benefits that the managers get…just not the title or the responsibility; which I think is quite pathetic, but that’s neither here nor there.  

and Finally, Magic Mike works on a team of people who are supposed to be the next level up from my team.  So, basically if my team can’t resolve the issue…we send it up to his team because they are supposed to be more educated, skilled and trained; but apparently Magic Mike doesn’t see it that way. 

So, this morning I see the sticky note on my monitor and yes…it was from Magic Mike.  However, I didn’t bother contacting him; because I had missed yesterday and wanted to get my day started off by answering emails and catching up on a few tickets that needed my attention. 

mumfordBut sure enough…and like the the Amazing Mumford from Sesame Street…

A La Peanut Butter Sandwiches!”   PooF!…   There was the smell of garlic and/or onions.  

I slowly looked over my shoulder to see his sweat covered face smiling at me.  He then proceeded to tell me that the “Pinata” (another coworker on my team who’s as lazy as Magic Mike.  I’ll tell ya about her another time.) failed to research something and wanted to know if I would look into it. 

I gotta tell ya…I don’t know if it was from being exhausted because of the benadryl, or if because I still had residual effects from the sinus congestion; but I looked him square in the eye and said…

“Go back to your desk.  Send the work back to “Pinata”.  Tell her what needs to be done and leave me the hell alone!” 

He never said a word.  He just got up…and walked away.  And then I heard the door to my supervisors office close… 

What happened next really pissed me off…

My supervisor sent me an “invite” to a meeting between she, myself and Magic Mike for later this afternoon. 

I have a strong feeling that someone’s going to get fired today.  I’m sure it’ll be me.

My workplace and Magic Mike are pathetic!

The Comment Troll (goats)


There is nothing that irritates me more than a comment troll.  They irritate me so much that I will not call them cattle, nor will I refer to them as part of the herd.  Instead, they are goats. 

Annoying, frustrating, bleating goats.

You know the type.

The goats who infiltrate the herd who never leave a comment on a blog post regarding the actual post, yet because they don’t like what was commented by another blogger; they are quick to comment on the other bloggers comment, trying to create unnecessary drama.

These are the childish goats that sit in the darkened basements of their mother’s home and troll around WordPress and other blog sites looking to cause trouble.  Only because they are deviant goats who eat weeds and would keel over if they knew that what they were eating was actually good for them.

They are insecure little strays that can’t seem to mind their own business and are searching for validation from others who, mind you, could care less about their existence.  However, what they seek cannot be found by creating drama and forcing their unwanted opinions on the rest of the herd.

These comment trolls are quick to attack and be judgmental of another blogger’s comments.  They don’t approve of others having a thought, belief or suggestion of their own.

They aren’t afraid to call a person names, use fowl language or berate a fellow blogger; only because they assume that all bloggers are as small in stature as they are.

Silly fools…if they only knew…

In the past I have been victim to the diabolical ramblings of these immature goats, but no more!

I will not be subject to their stupidity and meaningless diatribes of name calling and insults.  Nor will I again allow them their bleating pleasures of indecency and disrespect by taunting me into a keyboard courage commenting exchange of feeble minded stupidity.  And neither should you.

If you happen to run across one of these unwanted, motherless goats; the best thing you can do is ignore them.

Sadly, you can’t delete their comments since they are commenting on your comments from another person’s blog, but you do have the power to ignore them.

If that doesn’t work…since cattle outweigh a goat by a couple hundred pounds, we can just kick them into the next pasture.

Comment trolls (goats) are pathetic