Increasing Doubt with a Lack of Faith and Hope

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

Matthew 7:7-8 – NASB

I’ve become a little hard pressed to believe that God will ever answer my prayers the way I would hope.  

I’m not saying I don’t pray or that I’ve lost my belief in God.  I do pray, and I do believe in God, but what I’m saying is that God has put so many stipulations on prayer that I’m not sure that God will answer my requests the way I hope because when I pray, I don’t meet the stipulations that He set for when we pray. 

Here are some of the stipulations that I’m talking about…

  1. Pray and Agree with any two or more people (Matthew 18:19)
  2. Pray without ceasing (I Thes. 5:17)
  3. Ask in the Name of Jesus (John 14:13)
  4. Ask in faith and don’t doubt (James 1:6)
  5. Believe you already have what you ask for before you even ask (Mark 11:24)
  6. Ask in the Father’s will (I John 5:14-15)
  7. Believe that God exists and that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6)
  8. Be devoted to prayer with an attitude of thankfulness (Col. 4:2)
  9. Pray as Jesus taught His disciples (Matt 6:9-13)
  10. Always give thanks to the Father through Jesus (Col. 3:17)
  11. Don’t be like the hypocrites who pray out in the open (Matt 6:5)
  12. Go into your inner room, close your door, pray in secret to the Father who is in secret  (Matt 6:6)

I didn’t list those in any particular order, just listed off at random as they came to mind, but they are stipulations God has placed on how we make requests to Him and whether or not those requests will be answered. 

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that God will never answer prayers…Far from it.  He does answer prayers, but what I am saying is that I don’t know if He’ll ever answer mine because I’ve failed to meet the stipulations He’s set for my prayers to be answered.  

More importantly, I doubt that God will answer me because of a sincere lack of faith and thankfulness based on past experiences and past requests that never got answered over the years.  

(Yeah… yeah… yeah…’don’t live in the past’…blah, blah, blah… Preaching to the choir, people!) 

But seriously, I always thought and believed that my past prayers were made in faith, in the name of Jesus, with others who were like-minded, with an attitude of thanksgiving in my heart and a hope that God would answer in the affirmative; consequently, God saw fit to have me sit back and watch while He gave what I requested for myself to other people.  Therefore, my prayers didn’t get answered as I had hoped. 

Am I admitting my selfishness and pride here?  I suppose I am.  Which leads to one more reason that God didn’t answer my prayers the way I had hoped.  After all, God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6). 

Was I deserving of those things I requested?  — Maybe.  Maybe not. — I won’t know the answer until I come face to face with God, and even then He probably won’t tell me because at that point…it won’t matter.  

However, that hasn’t stopped me from developing excuses and rationalizations as to ‘why’ God won’t or hasn’t answered my prayers the way I had hoped. 

Excuses such as: “Maybe I wasn’t ready to receive the gift…”, “Maybe it was because of sin…”, “Maybe I didn’t deserve something that wonderful…”, “Maybe I’m not worthy…”, “Maybe God’s got something better…” , “Maybe my motives are incorrect…”, “Maybe there isn’t anything better…” or “Maybe all of the above…??”  

All of these excuses have set in motion a downward spiral of introspection which has ultimately led to self-judging, self-loathing and self-condemnation.  All of which have slowly encased my heart in a shell of petrified callousness and led me to a sincere distrust of whether or not the almighty will ever answer my prayers in the manner of which I hope. 

Truth be told… I have a broken heart.

Ironically, even though my prayers haven’t been answered the way I hoped, I still pray and make requests to God all the time.  

I’m constantly pouring out my feelings and desires to Him while requesting things with a sincere belief in the power of Jesus Christ that God will answer me; however, when I pray, the doubt remains that God will never grant my request in the manner in which I hope.  

Therefore, thankfulness is a distant memory, and any faith that might have assisted in my prayers being answered is lacking a solid foundation.  

Please know that I do believe that God exists . . . I do . . . but quite frankly I’m not confident He really does reward all those who seek Him.

I know I’m not alone.  There are many in this world who have the same doubts about their prayers ever being answered or whether God will ever bless them again.  

Heck, even the prophets in the old testament were given over to wonder if God was hearing them or if they would ever be answered.  Some even felt deceived by God.

Look at the words of Job (13:24-28):

“Why do You hide Your face and consider me Your enemy?  Will You cause a driven leaf to tremble?  Or will You pursue the dry chaff?

“For You write bitter things against me and make me to inherit the iniquities of my youth.  You put my feet in the stocks and watch all my paths; You set a limit for the soles of my feet, while I am decaying like a rotten thing, like a garment that is moth-eaten.”

And then Jeremiah, a prophet of God’s very own choosing, writes:

“Why has my pain been perpetual and my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?  Will You indeed be to me like a deceptive stream with water that is unreliable?” (Jeremiah 15:18)

O Lord, You have deceived me and I was deceived; You have overcome me and prevailed.  I have become a laughingstock all day long; Everyone mocks me.  For each time I speak, I cry aloud; I proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted In reproach and derision all day long.”  (Jeremiah 20:7-8)

Both prophets went through a period of time where they struggled to believe that God was listening to their requests or that He would answer their requests the way they hoped. 

Jeremiah and Job were dedicated servants of God and they humbly performed every task that God asked of them, yet there was a time in their lives they both struggled with doubt and thought that God had pulled the proverbial rug out from under their feet.

Interestingly, both of these men provide a great example of how doubting God can lead to anguish and self-depreciation.  The struggles both men had with doubt cause each of them to curse the day he was born (read Job 3 & Jeremiah 20:14-18).

My point here is that every human being, even those who were specifically appointed by the LORD Jesus and God the Father, can and will doubt that God will answer their prayers they way they were hoping.

As for my situation, I began having doubts that my prayers to the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth have never gone further than the ceiling of my home after decades of the same failures.  And…If by some strange miracle the words I directed towards God did reach Heaven’s doorstep, I fear those words never made it past His threshold!

From a very young age I’ve attempted to live a life that follows the narrow path.  I found the words of God, and I ate them; and they became for me a joy and delight of my heart.  I believed that I was called by God’s holy name and His eternal word into an eternal hope of salvation through the LORD Jesus Christ.  Therefore, I did not sit in the circle of merrymakers, nor did I show or feel elation or jubilation as the result of any success I may have experienced.  

I’ve tried to rejoice with others in their successes.  I’ve tried to mourn and encourage those in their failures and losses.  And yet…because of God’s hand upon me, I sit alone.  Filled with the contempt, anger and annoyance provoked by what I perceive as unfair treatment from others in this world.

I’ve asked God why my perpetual pain never ends.  Why the internal wound is incurable, refusing to be healed. 

I wonder and ask God if He has deceived me by providing hope to promises that would never come to pass, but He remains silent on the matter.

Yet…once again…like a trained animal who knows and fears his master, I bow my head…I bend my knee…I lay myself prostrate before the throne of the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth, and I open my mouth once more to make a simple request of God with hope that He might hear me and answer me with blessings of good things.

I wait longingly and patiently for His reply.  Hoping that the answer will finally melt my hardened, callous heart and sorrow would be replaced with joy and gladness.

I don’t know if any of you can understand just how agonizing the thirst for God to answer my prayer really is.  

In all honesty I long for God to dip His finger in water and just touch the tip of my tongue to quench the thirst my desires bring.  To give me a sign that He hears me.  That He accepts me and that my requests are a fragrant aroma, not filled with putrefaction which cause Him to turn His face away and reject me.  

To let me know that He delights in me, and my heartfelt requests aren’t falling on deaf ears.

But I’m reminded of the words of Job…

“But the falling mountain crumbles away, and the rock moves from its place.

Water wears away stones, its torrents wash away the dust of the earth; so You destroy man’s hope. 

You forever overpower him and he departs.

You change his appearance and send him away.  

His sons achieve honor, but he does not know it; or they become insignificant, but he does not perceive it.  

But his body pains him, and he mourns only for himself.”  (Job 14:18-22)

That quote is one of the best explanations of how man’s hope can erode over time by the many tribulations that engulf us.  Tribulations that can change our focus and cause our thoughts, our attentions and our prayers to become more self-centered and less altruistic. 

In those difficult moments we take our sights off the finish line and the rewards to come.  We lose sight of the truth.  We stop running the race.  We forget who God is. 

We forget His mercies never fail. 

We forget He’s never stopped loving us. 

We forget that God’s best is not the same as what we perceive as the best for ourselves. 

We forget that He’s never walked away from us. 

We forget how to be thankful in all things. 

We forget how to be content.

It’s pathetic that after all that I still don’t know if God will ever delight in me enough to answer my prayers the way I hope He will.  

I guess I’ll pray about it.



The truth is still truth even if you don’t agree…


If you run a red light or a stop sign, you know that you broke the law.  

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t cause an accident, the truth is that you broke the law and you know you broke the law because the law says…don’t run a red light and don’t run a stop sign.  

But the world today wants to tell you that running a red light or a stop sign is okay because the law was meant to be broken if it feels okay to you.  

The world will tell you that as long as you feel okay with running the red light or the stop sign, you’re not doing anything wrong because you didn’t hurt anyone.  They will tell you that breaking the law is up to you because it just depends on how you feel.  

So what if everyone feels okay with running red lights or the stop signs?  Wouldn’t that create a mass amount of chaos?  

You see, the law, not to run a red light or a stop sign, isn’t there to protect you from other people.  Whether you agree or disagree, the fact remains…the law was written to protect you from the one person that would bring you the most harm…

The law was created to protect you from yourself.

YOU …don’t lie.

YOU …don’t commit murder

YOU …don’t covet

YOU …don’t steal… and so on and so forth.

Yet the world wants to proclaim that the law wasn’t created to protect you from yourself.  The world wants to proclaim that the law wasn’t created for any other reason than a simplistic guide for others to not harm you…but, of course, that’s only based on how they feel at that given moment.

yet!!… God himself is looking you in the eye and stating quite clearly…

YOU!!    YOU!!!    YOU!!!!!!!  

Obey the law!!!  

And when you don’t obey the law, there are repercussions.  

Also, there are repercussions for being repeatedly disobedient to God’s law, which brings us to  Romans 1: 18-32

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.  For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.  Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.  For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

You may disagree with God’s commandments.  You may not agree with God’s plan.  You may not agree with the word of God. Heck, you may not agree with the law of God, but the truth still remains…No matter how much you disagree with God’s commandments, plans, words or laws…that does not nullify any of them, and living a life of disobedience to God will only lead you to one place…

Separation from God for all eternity.  


There’s a common lie being spread through the churches today that God accepts you just the way you are, but based on Romans 1:18-32 that message just is not true.  

God will not accept blatantly disobedient people.  

God will not accept those who blatantly disregard His laws and commandments or live a life that is contrary to His truth.  

God will not accept any person who’s lives are filled with wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; gossip, slander, hate of God, insolence, arrogance, boasting, inventions of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving or unmerciful.

The truth is, God will only accept those who’s heart is humble and who express true feelings of remorse affected by the guilt of one word:  contrite.

God will tolerate disobedience for only so long…

Word to the wise….Don’t test the patience of God.      



Never a Refugee

“This Christmas season we would like to remind everyone that Jesus was a Middle Eastern refugee.”

– Signed,

Crazy Lady from Kansas


As you can see, some crazy lady in Kansas penned those words and a bunch of crazy followers decided to believe her and make that their viral slogan for the holiday season…but the truth is…

She’s wrong!






Don’t matter how you spell it, she’s WRONG!!!

If we adhere to the definition of what a refugee is:  “a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution, or natural disaster,” then by that definition alone Jesus was never a refugee.

Jesus was never forced to leave his home to ESCAPE persecution or war; matter of fact, Jesus volunteered to enter the war by choosing to leave his post in Heaven and became the very thing He created: a human.  

He did this to be obedient to His Father in Heaven by enduring the very persecution, hate, war, strife, pain, misery, disbelief, hardship, loneliness, grief and death this world had to offer.

And just so we’re clear…Jesus faced all of that head on and overcame it!

He defeated it.

He was victorious.

He won.  

So, if Jesus was never a refugee, what was He?   

He was a soldier.  (defined:  a person who serves in an army)

A warrior.  (defined: a brave or experienced soldier or fighter)

A hero.  (a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities)

A servant.  (a person who performs duties for others, especially a person employed in a house on domestic duties or as a personal attendant)

A leader.  (the person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country)

A friend.  (a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations)

But he was never a refugee!


So, when some pathetic person tells you that Jesus was a refugee, don’t believe them.  Instead, correct them.  And that goes for the crazy lady from Kansas or any person who preaches it from the pulpit.




In a recent post I dishonored God by saying that I didn’t believe that He answered prayer or blessed those who called on Him.  

I was wrong.  

God Does answer prayer and He Does reward those who seek Him.  

He can be trusted. 

He never leaves us, nor forsakes us.  

God really is love, therefore, I retract my previous statements.   



Pathetic Wisdom Wednesday (additional quote)


“Since the foundation of law was laid by God who created both, there can never be a complete separation of church and state.”  – me




There’s this ongoing dialogue between two bloggers that has me intrigued.

One of the bloggers is a devout Christian, and the other … isn’t.

They have both been debating about the life they decided to follow, and each has expressed their own view point with the hope that the other will see their viewpoint more clearly, and maybe that will happen someday…but based on my 43 years of experience in dealing with people…I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Recently, a comment was made by the non-Christian that struck a cord in my heart and resonated to the depths of my soul.

That comment was this…

“…but I am comfortable with my level of sinning plus I do not think I want eternal life.”

First off, and let me be VERY clear about this…

NOT ONE PERSON on this Earth should ever be “comfortable” with any level of sinning.

Sin is anti-good, anti-righteous, anti-holy, anti-loving, anti-positive, anti-truth and it’s what keeps humans from living a life of pure contentment and pure joy.

Most of all…sin is temporary and its desire is for every human being on this planet to turn away from the true love of God who created us to be in HIS image.

Sin destroys, sin lies, sin hates, sin corrupts, sin confines, sin is UNcontrollable and for those reasons it’s extremely disappointing to hear someone admit they are “comfortable with their level of sinning”, but I understand why some people would say that.  It’s because of their ignorance of the subject.  They don’t realize they are in bondage and slavery to the thing that is master over their mind, body and soul.

The second part of that comment, “plus I do not think I want eternal life,” was very disheartening as well, but I understand why they said it.  They don’t know the God I know and therefore think that God is a hard, difficult, authoritative, unkind, judgmental God and because they have that belief, they don’t want to spend any time with Him in this life or the life thereafter.

Sadly, they have believed the lies that the evil one has told them and have failed to recognize the God of Heaven, the creator of all things as the loving, merciful and compassionate God that He is.

That He’s a God of forgiveness and that He doesn’t hold our sins and trespasses against us when we come to Him by faith.  They refuse to believe in Him as the Father of all things and fail to understand that because we have sinned, He has every right (as any truly loving father would) to judge humans and discipline humans according to His righteousness and holiness.  That means there are consequences to your sinful actions, thoughts and words.

However, in God’s great mercy, He made the decision long ago to save the world through Himself.

This is a concept that many humans don’t want to accept or believe in…that Jesus was conceived of by the Holy Spirit and born a man but remained in the Father while He preached the lovingkindness of God while living among His own creation…then He sacrificed His life…the life of God Himself, so that the Father would be able to reconcile the world back unto Himself through His Son.

because no one has greater love than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

And because nothing can ever defeat God, Jesus was raised from the dead by His own hand and all who look upon Jesus with the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen, would be saved from death into an eternal life with, by and through God and Jesus.

But humans don’t want to be “controlled”.  They don’t want to live by “rules”, so they think living in sin (disobedience and rebellion) is freedom, but it’s far from that.  It’s slavery and bondage to the very thing that will destroy them.

God is Life, Love, Kindness, Mercy, Compassion, Hope, Truth, Righteousness, Holiness…

Sin is hate, idolatry, lies, murder, filth, selfishness, corruption, destruction, death…

You have a choice…continue to live in bondage/slavery to sin and know that the outcome is a horrible one … OR … turn away from it and look at Jesus and He’ll show you God the Father and you can live in Bondage to Righteousness and Holiness with the outcome being life and abundant joy with an inheritance to an eternal kingdom.

It’s pretty pathetic to choose sin and death over Righteousness and Life, but sadly many are they who choose the path of destruction because they just can’t get past their own stupidity and foolishness.  

How pathetic is that?  — I’ll leave you to debate that question with yourself.   




It’s high time I come after those who call or consider themselves “christians”.

I’ve had it!  

You’re all a bunch of wannbe’s.  

That’s right!!!   


I was raised in the church.  taught scripture from the time I was three.  The men and women who taught me were some of the most intelligent, kindhearted, loving people you would ever meet.  They spent hours dedicated to teaching the love of God and the message of salvation through His son, Jesus.  They served with compassion,  grace and humility and they never expected anyone to lead who wasn’t meant to lead.  Serve who wasn’t meant to serve.  Give who wasn’t meant to give. 

They lived their lives as true leaders who didn’t beg for people to stay active or dig deep in their pockets to keep the “church” functioning.  They didn’t spend hours using the pulpit for their own selfish gain.  And YES…preaching from the pulpit that you need to serve, serve, serve or give, give give is for selfish gain, the reason…because they aren’t relying on GOD to provide. 

True followers for God and Jesus will serve and give freely because that’s what they see the leaders doing so they ultimately feel led to do the same out of compassion and uhmility, but in the “church” today that’s not happening and people are leaving the churches in droves because they’re tired, worn out and emotionally spent.  

I am one of those people and God knows it because He and I have talked about it ad nauseam and before you jump to any presumptions, I don’t consider myself to be a “christian” because I’m a good person or because I went to church since I was three.  

I consider myself to be a Christian because I know that Jesus is the Son of God, that He is LORD of Lords, KING of kings and that He willingly sacrificed his His life to die for ALL mankind and that anyone and everyone who looks at Him by FAITH, the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen, would have eternal life. 

I am a Christian because I believe in GOD the Father and know beyond any doubts that He raised Jesus from the dead and that His eternal will is that ALL humanity would turn from their wicked ways and seek His face with humble hearts and when they do, He will hear them and heal their lives.  

I am a Christian because I follow Christ…not the world.

However, churches today are led by the sweet talkin’, smooth sailin’ people who think that Godliness is a means of great gain.  They aren’t content with just having a congregation of 250 – 500, instead…it’s about mega-churches filled to the rafters with people giving so much that they have nothing left to live on and serving so much that they have nothing left to live for.  

On top of that…”christians” today aren’t really true Christians.  They’re people who think that attending church is a great means to boost their social status in the community.  That it will somehow grant them exclusive rights to be labeled a “good person”, when the truth is that they aren’t regenerated, they aren’t a new creation in Jesus Christ and they aren’t true followers of the One who they claim to know.  

A true Christian prays without ceasing…

they don’t.

A true Christian abides in their Savior…

they don’t.

A true Christian dedicates their life to serving God at any and all costs and TRUSTS in Him even in the midst of adversity…

they don’t.  

Most of all…a true Christian doesn’t seek their own, but seeks to honor God through the serving of others, NOT by obligation, but by OBEDIENCE.  

they don’t. 

It’s pathetic how many of you are being led to slaughter and not to the sheering booth.


I was raised in the church from an early age and have seen the decay from the inside.  The beginning of the end was when preachers started preaching messages from the pulpit that the congregations weren’t giving enough…weren’t serving enough…weren’t sacrificing enough.  That’s when people started thinking that their Godliness was somehow connected to their works.

I have news for you all…  IT’S NOT!!  

Godliness is a means of great gain, but only when accompanied with contentment.   Not something the “church” leaders have these days.  

Gotta have more…gotta get more…gotta be bigger…gotta do more…

it’s never enough to just show up as a group of people and honor and praise God.  To just let Him grow the church…to let HIM be the giver…to let go of every encumbrance and let God be GOD!  

It’s pathetic of “church” leaders to think that they are in control.  It’s pathetic of them to think they can manipulate the children of God into fulfilling their wishes and desires.  

It’s pathetic how very few true GODLY leaders we have leading our churches today.

Say what you will…comment as you like…

but I caution you, before you do…take a long, hard look at your life and your “church”…take inventory of what a GODLY leader really is based on scripture…NOT your own selfish desires…but those of GOD…and then pray over what I have said here…and seek God’s instructions…

I’m sure that you’ll be surprised how long it takes for God to respond, but trust me…He will respond and you aren’t gonna like His reply.  No one ever does.  

My next post is about how today’s “christians” are leading many to unbelief…stay tuned, cause I ain’t finished…