New Nicknames…Wikidork, Candelabra and Dip-Doodle

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For the past nine months my little team was separated from the rest of the other teams I had been associated with.  We were secluded in a little office where we could talk about stuff as a team and no one ever seemed to bother us.  It was a great little office.  I liked that office. 

And then, one of the upper management douche-nozzles quit and that changed everything.  

A couple months ago my little team was placed under another dip-doodle who decided they wanted to move our team closer to their office.  He had brought it to the attention of my supervisor who couldn’t come up with any valid reasons for why we shouldn’t move, soooo…last week…we begrudgingly packed up our little office and moved.

After being in this little cube for only a couple days, I’d like to pull my hair out.  I am surrounded by idiots who think they know everything.  One guy who I like to refer to as, Wikidork, never seems shy about sharing his lack of knowledge about everything and anything.  No matter how wrong he is, he just loves sharing his stupidity.  The really sad thing is that most of the cattle that work with this guy accept his ding-battery as if it’s coming from a man who’s lived for thousands of years. 

Then there’s the gate keeper, who I like to call “Candelabra”.  The reason for the nickname isn’t because of her personality or looks, I just came up with it because it sounds funny, and I don’t normally like calling people names that aren’t funny.  

Candelabra is a wonderful gossip of everything that isn’t anything, but if you want to know something about someone, she’s your go-to person.  Furthermore, she’s the administrative assistant to our “INTERIM” supervisor, so she’s keeping track of everyone’s whereabouts, comings and goings and just being a royal pain in the you know what.  

And yes, our current upper management guy, who I’ve nicknamed dip-doodle, is “interim”.  Dip-doodle was told that his position would be interim after the douche-nozzle quit a few months back, and yet…he thinks that moving us closer to his office will impress the guy above him and force us to be under his “leadership” (a term I use very loosely because this guy isn’t a leader by any stretch of the definition.)  

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was in an office where I didn’t have direct windows, but I could walk out in the hallway and look outside.  It was refreshing and some days  it was very much needed.  Now… I’m stuck in a basement … again … surrounded by pathetic morons … again.  

Will this pathetic work-life ever get better?  

After 44 years of pathetic experiences, I have my doubts.

 

 

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What I Learned Branding Cattle

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A number of years ago I went cattle branding and the rancher was trying to separate a heifer from her calf.  I, being new to this event, found it interesting that he happened to pick me out of the group and gave me instruction to stand on his right with my arms extended out to the sides with these final instructions:  “Whatever she does (the heifer) … Don’t Move!”   

So I stood there, as instructed, with my arms out to my sides waiting for whatever was about to come.  

I can honestly say that I was clueless to what was going on and didn’t really expect much.  I figured the rancher knew what he was doing and the cow would just obey.  

Boy, howdy was I wrong! 

As I stood there in position, the rancher suddenly, and without much warning, made a quick move towards the heifer and her calf, clapping his hands and hollering out.

Did the heifer just stand there?  Did she move out of the way so the rancher could corral the calf?   Nope!  She lowered her head, looked directly at me, then charged.

It’s safe to say that at that very moment I was afraid for my life, so as any intelligent moron would do, I immediately started to make my way to the side of the pen; but the rancher, seeing that I was about to leave my post once again yelled, “DON’T MOVE!!”    

So, reluctantly, with a 600+ pound cow about to send me into orbit, I regained my composure and did as the rancher instructed.  Just then and to my surprise (and relief) the heifer turned tail and ran through the pen door leaving her calf behind.

When it was all said and done, I asked the rancher why she didn’t finish the charge and he said…

“That cow doesn’t know how big she is.  She doesn’t know her own strength and because you had your arms out she thought you were bigger.  However, (he said with a smirk) if she knew that she outweighed you by 500 pounds, you would’ve been in some serious trouble.”  Then he laughed . . . (I wasn’t laughing.)

Basically, what the rancher was conveying is that cows are ignorant to their own size and strength, and the same can be said about the people all over the world.  We don’t know our own size and strength.

Today, we see the ranchers take on many forms.  They can be groups from the left wing or right wing, political leaders, those with money or the radical slaughter house workers who want to inflict fear and pain on the weak and feeble (i.e., the islamic state of stupidity).

The cattle, on the other hand, are the citizens who just want to live a quiet and tranquil life and provide for the well being of their families.  Problem is that most of them sit around chewing their cud (gossiping) and bellowing out pathetic rhetoric about how bad things are, but they never want to actually do anything to change the problems.  Instead, they put their faith and trust in the ranchers who, mind you, only have one thing in mind: sending the cattle to slaughter.

But just think…

If the cattle knew how much power they actually had, if they knew just how much they outweighed the ranchers, wouldn’t things be drastically different?

People are the same in every single nation around the world.  If they knew their own strength, if they knew just how powerful they really are, they would stand up for what they believe in and fight the good fight.  If someone attacked them and their nation, they wouldn’t wait for their political leaders to come to their aid, but instead would rise up; strong and courageous, fighting to the death to save their homes and provide a better life for their children.  Showing the world that they must respect their strength.  That they are a force to be reckoned with.  

Truth be told, Ranchers will always run the ranch, but when the cattle are strong and know their own power and strength, the rancher has to respect that power and strength or they’ll be in serious trouble.   

Cattle who don’t know their own strength are awfully pathetic.

 

 

Under My Skin

 

Bahhh!   Okay, one more!   Someone got under my skin, and I need to vent before I punch the wall!  

For those of you who don’t believe in God or the fact that a supreme being could actually create the world and everything in and around it, I’d like for you to take a second and look at your hand.  

Just look at it. 

Look at the front, back, and sides of it.  

Now, if you can, wiggle your fingers…

Okay now consider this…After billions and billions of years of evolving THAT’S the best you can do?  

I mean, seriously…why didn’t your species evolve more fingers?  Wouldn’t six or seven fingers help you hold on to things better?   How about longer, skinnier ones, or shorter stubbier ones for that matter?   

And What about your arms?  Why only two?  Why didn’t you evolve five or seven or eight arms over the course of billions of years?   I mean, humanity has to carry things and wouldn’t  more arms help with that?  

And what about your heart.  Why in the hell didn’t you evolve a heart that would never stop beating?   Or Blood cells that wouldn’t clot?   Or a brain that would never fail?  Or hair that wouldn’t fall out or grow in places it really shouldn’t grow?  

Better yet, why haven’t humans over the course of billions and billions of years of evolution figured out a way to never form addictions, get sick and . . . parish the thought . . . die?   

I’ll tell you why…

BECAUSE EVOLUTION NEVER HAPPENED you pathetic waste of bovine flesh!!!!  

Truth is, God created humans with two arms.  Two legs.  One heart.  One mind.  It’s been that way since the beginning of humanity and it’s not going to change!  

Also, because of sin entering into the world humans and animals get sick…we get addicted to things and we can never change the course of humanity. . .eventually all humans and animals will die.  

Don’t believe me?   

Just stop by your local hospital, retirement home, morgue or cemetery and you’re sure to run into someone sick, dying, dead or decomposing.   The reason…because if you sin…you die. And that’s God’s justice.   

 

Humans sin = Humans die.   That’s the punishment for disobedience.  I don’t care how much you hate it.  I don’t care how much you don’t like it.  I don’t care how much you don’t agree with it.  I don’t care how much you want to argue it.  It’s the cold, hard truth (no pun intended).

Evolution is just a way for some pathetic metronome to spout off their idiotic belief that humans actually have some control over their own existence, which is a lie.  

They choose to believe in a bunch of gases that always existed, mind you, in a place that was void of wind but somehow, managed to swirl around in a very large, open space and then when they all gathered in the right spot at JUST the right moment, the gases were able to explode when there was absolutely ZERO light or heat to trigger said combustion and then after the giant explosion, somehow were able to start rotating in a swirling motion. . . again, void of wind . . . and then miraculously formed the planets and moons and stars and all life as we know it.     

THAT, my dear cattle, is the biggest fairy tale that was ever told and people have bought into it thinking that it’s easier to believe than trusting and believing in a Spiritual, all-knowing, ever-present, all-powerful God who created the world, all the planets, stars and moons as well as all life in six days.  

I’m not saying the big bang never happened…because it did…but it happened because God said these four words that caused it to happen:  “Let”  “There”  “Be”  “Light”.   Without those words and without God, nothing would have ever come into existence.

Bovine who believe humans evolved over billions and billions of years and can’t grasp the idea that God is real and created the World in six days are pathetic fools.    

Driving is Hard

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Today is Pathetic Wisdom Wednesday, however, before I post that I feel it necessary to get something off my chest.

Every morning I start my commute around 6:30 AM, and most mornings are fairly easy going, but these past two weeks have been a struggle.  

Not because I don’t want to go to work, but rather… because cattle obviously DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!!  

Now, I understand that cattle were never meant to be behind the wheel of an automobile, they were meant to provide leather, meat and milk to the masses.  And perhaps that is why none of you can figure out that tailgating is not the same thing as drafting.  Red lights actually mean that you’re supposed to come to a complete stop and not drive through them.  Related to that, signs that read “Stop” and “Yield” aren’t optional.  Neither are the signs that read “SPEED LIMIT”.  

Crosswalks are for pedestrians! (you know…those who are walking, running or strolling from one corner to another and they ALWAYS have the right of way!!  NOT Trucks, SUV’s, other large vehicles or sporty little cars with dumb, dorky bovine in the driver’s seat!)

Turn signals were invented to alert others around you that you plan on making a right or left turn so it’s wise to use them for such purposes.  

Road construction crews didn’t put the orange cones in the road so you could see if your truck was really a 4-wheel drive off-road vehicle.  

That no matter what lane you are in, you actually have to come to a complete stop when a school bus stops to pick up passengers and those red lights come on when that red sign that reads “STOP” is displayed.   That also goes for four-lane roadways.   Children might be crossing the street and that school bus stop becomes a crosswalk when that bus is there to pick up kids!  Most of you don’t realize this but it’s against the law to pass a school bus that has that red STOP sign displayed.  (That was probably news to 99.9% of you.)

Most of you cattle need to take drivers education all over again and learn how to be defensive drivers.   It’s really not that difficult.  

I would think that if you all drove a little safer, every single automobile accident would be prevented. 

but look who I’m talking too.  

You’re all pathetic drivers.

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New Cattle In The Herd

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Recently I have had an influx of followers … er… cattle to the herd.  Thank you opinionated man, for your meet and greet and a hearty Welcome to all of you who have joined the herd! 

It’s great to know that there are so many followers out there who don’t know how to resist clicking that little “follow” button.

Anyway…this post is to bring you all up to speed about my blog, and to give you all a little information about who it is that writes this stuff.

So, let’s begin…

–  I refer to you all as Cattle. 

Read myYou’re All Cattlepage and you’ll understand why I call you that.  If you find it to be offensive…well…get over it. 

–  Married people are my muse, and I write from first person point of view even though I’m not married and never have been.

This actually might be news to many of you who were already following my blog because I’ve written posts that make it appear that I am married…but I’m not.   I’m single…never married.  I just think that if I write in first person point of view it’s more comical and brings more humor to the story. 

–  I’m a man.

I only tell you this because there will be some future posts that will be written from the wife’s point of view, and I don’t want there to be any confusion about my gender.

–  I believe that Everything is Pathetic.

This is the theme of my blog and I know that this can come across as negative at times, but I want you all to know and understand that nothing and no one is immune to being pathetic.  Everything is Pathetic.  But there’s humor in that concept and I hope to convey that through my posts as I write about the pathetic we call “life”.

–  I believe everyone is a follower.

By now you should understand that since I see you all as Cattle, I also believe that you’re all being led by someone or something.  Hence the reason for the name of my blog, I don’t want to be a follower like the rest of you….but alas…I am.   /hangs head in shame\

–  “I Refuse To Follow Your Blog” is just a title.

As many of you have found out, I don’t always refuse to follow your blogs.  I thought about naming my blog “Don’t follow this blog” or “You’re not allowed to follow my blog” but those just didn’t appeal to me.  I wanted a title that was more subtle yet blunt (I know…that’s a contradiction in terms.  I’m a complex bovine that doesn’t always think through things) than one that told people what not to do, and I think “I Refuse To Follow Your Blog” does that. 

–  I write about my coworkers a lot because they really are pathetic and that needs to be exploited. 

My coworkers are a pain to work with and I will try to write about them a least once a week.  They too are my muse; and as I write about my coworkers, you will notice that I have nicknames for almost every person I work with.  Some of you have already read about Magic Mike but there is also The Velveteen Yard Ornament, Pinata, The Miracle Worker and Pajama Tops just to name a few. 

My desire is to convey the same humor and frustrations I deal with on a daily basis in my blog posts; so when you read something about each one of them, you’ll feel like you’re actually there experiencing it first hand.  As I do…every  —  single  —  day.

–  Even though my blog may be negative at times, it’s meant to be funny.  I’m not as bitter and angry as my posts may lead you to believe.

I’m actually a pretty happy guy and I enjoy making people laugh, so just know that some of my posts may come across as angry, frustrated or bitter but I’m really satisfied with life and I smile and laugh all the time.  (If you only knew how many times I’ve struggled writing a post because I was laughing hysterically: Grocery Hell is a good example.)

So, I hope you can see the humor in what I write and that it gives you a good laugh because even though everything is pathetic, it’s still pretty hilarious.  

Hope you all enjoy your time reading my blog because there are some really pathetic things coming for 2015!

Pathetic is a state of mind and that in itself is pathetic.

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