Awkward Date

Not_really_friends

Okay…so, I once dated a woman who took me to a local bar/restaurant where she claimed she was “friends” with the owner.  

While we were sitting at our table, a waitress walked up to take our order but before that could happen, my date proceeded to ask if the owner would make an appearance at our table because she wanted to say hello.  

The waitress, ignoring all the tell-tale signs that I was about to die of starvation, gave a quick glance around the room and then excused herself to see if she could find the owner.

katherine hepburn

After what seemed like weeks because I was starving and in desperate need of sustenance, the waitress finally made a second appearance at our table; not to take our order mind you, but to gleefully produce the owner of the restaurant who didn’t look all that happy to be taken away from whatever it was she was taken away from.

She kind of reminded me of Katherine Hepburn in. . . well. . . everything that Katherine Hepburn was ever in.  

. . . and this is where the pathetic begins!     

My date, smiling like an adopted puppy, greeted the owner of the restaurant as if they had known each other for many years.  The owner, however, didn’t return the same expression or body language.  

Matter of fact, she actually asked my date how they knew one another because, and I quote, “she had no idea who my date was or when they met.” 

. . .begin . . raising . . . yellow . . . flag. . . now . . .

awkward-first-date-silence

My date, unsure how to respond and glancing at me with a look that said: “Crap, I hope he’s not smart enough to read into that!” (which I am) looked back at the owner and politely stated, “Oh, you don’t remember?  It was about a month ago…I was here one night watching a football game and that’s when we met.”  To which the owner of the restaurant returned a rather pathetic and bemused, “Ummm…Oooo-kaaaay?”   

…oops!  My mistake…wrong flag . . . Silly me . . . Yellow flag lowered…Red flag . . . Raised!! 

This is when the owner began looking around the room hoping she could find a way out of this very weird, very pathetic conversation.  

Of course, my date, still wanting to prove to me that she really did know this woman, tried to ease the awkwardness of the moment with some pathetic small talk, but this woman who was visibly uncomfortable and obviously NOT my date’s friend wouldn’t have any part of it.  

After what seemed like an eternity (probably because I was near death from starvation) of mumbles, glances and awkward smiles, the owner finally said some pleasantries then excused herself to assist one of her employees with a large order.  

Pinoccio_nose growing

At that moment my date looked at me with the look of being caught in a lie.  You know the look…pierced lips, wandering eyes, the quick look over each shoulder to plan your exit strategy because your nose is growing and your pants spontaneously caught on fire…  

Now I, being the sincere, empathetic (see what I did there?) man that I am, stared at my date with a look of expectant optimism hoping that she would confess the truth.

The truth that my date wasn’t actually ‘friends’ with this person.  That she only met her once and since that initial meeting has never had any interaction with her what-so-ever.

However, instead of telling me the truth my date looked at me with great conviction and confidence and pathetically stated,  

“She tends to forget things.  She’s funny that way.”

The Office_Jim

 

 

 

 

Honesty…integrity…and truthfulness go a long way in my book, but lying…fibs…and trying to cover your butt when you get caught in a lie are exceptionally pathetic.  

Oh…and if you’re curious, yes.  The waitress finally took my order and the food was delicious.

 

 

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Dating Sites: The Pathetic Approach

dating1

Some jackwangle decided to inform me that a dating website is a “great” way to meet women, and that I should give one _or two!_ a try if I haven’t already.  

ummm….

No….No they are not.

and

No….No I shouldn’t. 

Quite honestly, I’ve tried dating sites in the past… Match.com, eHarmony and “Christian(and I use that term very loosely) Mingle.com just to name a few, and after using them I’ve discovered a few things about the people who are on them…

  • Dating sites are a window shoppers dream come true.  – The sites are great for people to peruse the “goods” without having to actually buy anything. 
  • Dating sites are filled with a lot of fake profiles.  – Dishonest people use those sites for taking advantage of the unsuspecting…more on this in a moment.
  • Dating sites are filled with a lot of people who use it as a substitute for bars and porn sites.  – Tell me, when was the last time you met someone in a bar or on a porn site who wanted a stable, long-term relationship?
  • Dating sites typically focus their marketing towards the cowardly, lonely and desperate. –  Dating sites are for the cowardly men in this world who don’t have the courage to approach a woman in person and start a conversation.  Dating sites are also set up for those people in the world who are lonely and desperate…(yes, ladies…no matter how much you lie to your friends and family…that includes you.)
  • Most importantly, dating sites (including the so-called “christian” sites) are filled with liars.  – lots … and lots … and lots of liars.

You see…cattle are not typically honest.  They lie. . . a lot . . .and dating sites provide an ample resource where said lairs can make up crap about themselves to try and persuade others to see their good, fun-loving, silly side.  

I know this to be true because, remember, I tried a few dating sites in the past and what I found was liar after liar, after liar.  Sadly, I include myself in that list. ((hangs head in shame))  🙂  

Right now, you’re probably screaming at your technological device asking me to provide examples; so here’s a few that I’ve run across from people I’ve met using random dating sites…

1. The Social Drinker.

Typically, when a person says that they drink socially, I take that to mean they enjoy having a drink or two with close friends or family.  I also believe that alcohol isn’t their life and they don’t typically spend a lot of time swigging beers, wine or other hard liquor.  However, the label “social drinker” on a dating site doesn’t carry the same meaning.  

When a dating-site liar labels themselves a “Social Drinker” it really means that they probably have a life-time membership to Alcoholics Anonymous, might have a few DUI’s under their belt and probably have a bottle of wine every hour before bedtime.  This is just to…“You know? … Take the edge off!”  

2. Faked, Photo-Shopped or Not a Recent Picture

I cannot tell you how many people have posted pictures that weren’t of themselves on a dating site, but it’s a lot.  

Porn site owners do this all the time because they want to lure the unsuspecting man who wants to be with a “hot girl”.  Also, criminals will do this to lure people into thinking that a man or woman’s profile is legit, but they post pictures they stole from random people who actually posted them on social networks so they can lure the unsuspecting into clicking on a link, giving up financial information or even sending money to someone they never met.

Those are some of the more dangerous uses of fake pictures, but the more subtle are of real bovine who actually created a legitimate profile but posted a ten year old picture of themselves because they were more attractive back then.  No matter how they try to justify it, it’s still a lie because…

3.  Wrong Age. Wrong weight. Wrong Appearance. Wrong Vocation.

Yes, people have posted on their dating profiles a vocation that sounded like a high-paying executive job, but the simple slap-in-the-face reality is that they are really a cashier at a local supermarket.  YET!  They have aspirations to move into management someday, so at least they have that going for them.  

Also, on the topic of posting a picture that isn’t recent, many contestants on the game of thrones dating sites will post the wrong age and typically describe their body as “Average” or “Need to lose a few pounds” when the reality is, they are old enough to be a member of AARP and ample enough to be a permanent contestant on the Biggest Loser.

Yeeeeaaahhh…before I offend everyone of ample body structure, let’s just move on…

4. Relationship Status…Single, Divorced, Separated, “Other?”  

The plethora of cattle who are on dating sites these days are typically divorced, but in my experience many of them don’t select that category.  They like to select “single” and I get it…they don’t like the label of being “divorced”.  I mean, how many of us really want to be judged on having a failed marriage especially when we’re trying to lure the other lonely, desperate people of the world into being attracted to us… but the one option I don’t understand is “Other”.

Seriously?!?!  What the hell does “other” even mean for a relationship status and why is this even an option?  And yes…there have been people who have selected this option and that is just pathetic.     

5.  Outdoorsy, Likes to Read, Netflix Binge Watcher

One of these things is not like the other.  

Outdoorsy means you enjoy being outdoors, camping…fishing…hiking…playing sports…You know?  Typical activities that are done… ohhh…I dunno…OUTDOORS!  So if/when a dating-bovine follows the adjective “outdoorsy” with “Netflix binge watching and reading,” I typically see a red flag waving.  

I know many of you aren’t going to interpret this in the same way, but when I think of someone who likes Netflix binge watching and Reading, I tend to think of them as INdoorsy people…not OUTdoorsy.  But hey!  That’s just me.  🙂   

6. Kids.

Yes, people lie about having or not having kids.  

In my many experiences spinning the failure-wheel-of-online-dating, I found that many of the divorcees who listed themselves as “single” were the main liars of this particular category.  But again, I can’t blame them.  I mean, they didn’t want to frighten off potential suitors who lacked the necessary motivation or desire for having an instant family, so keeping the whole “…do you have kids?” thing a secret until AFTER they were able to score a date makes sense.   . . . what am I saying?  

No it doesn’t!     

7. Religion: “Christian” or “Christian Other

In our pathetic world-o-stupidity cattle have a disoriented meaning of the term “Christian“.  Typically, the world will define a “christian” as meaning you’re a ‘good person‘…(which none of you are)...or the world defines it as meaning you’re “sort of” religious but aren’t assigned to a particular religious group…or the world will define it as meaning that you attend church on Easter, Christmas, Weddings and Funerals…or the world defines it to mean that a person is all of the aforementioned.  

Sadly, if you have adopted any or all of those definitions of “christian” you’re in the same boat with the rest of the world. . . very, very misled and pathetically wrong!

The term “Christian” actually means you’re a follower of Jesus Christ…hence the first part of the word: “C-h-r-i-s-t” . . . but in this day of social attention deficit disorder, fewer and fewer people understand or accept that meaning of the term Christian and will lie about their actual beliefs in Jesus just to have a relationship with someone they find attractive or appealing.  

Sadly, the world is filled with posers who want to be considered a “good and wholesome” cookie when the truth remains…they aren’t.  And yes…I include myself in that batch of rotten cookie dough.  

Furthermore, I do know how to test the spirit within those people who claim to be a Christian so I’ll know whether or not they are actually a follower of Jesus or just a self-proclaimed “good person”.

So there ya have it.  A few pathetic examples of the lies I’ve encountered of people who I’ve met using various dating sites and a few of the many reasons I refuse to use the sites to meet women.  

Personally, if I want to talk with a woman, I’ll approach her in person and start a face to face conversation with her.  It’s extremely less pathetic than hiding behind technology and it’s also a better way to show her that I have confidence and an actual interest in getting to know her.

I know and understand that a few of you cattle have been lucky enough to meet a spouse on dating sites, but how many frogs did you have to kiss and how many heart breaks did you have to suffer before you finally settled for the one your with?  Just sayin…

However, because I’ve used them in the past I’ve formed the opinion that using dating sites is a pathetic way to find your mate, but again… that’s just my opinion.

btw…I didn’t proofread this and posted it..as is.  Sorry if there are any punctuation, grammar or spelling mistakes.

dating2

 

 

Missed Opportunities

missed opportunity

What do you do when everything inside you tells you that you’re going to be a failure, but when you see that one person who takes your breath away you suddenly have the confidence of 1000 men?

Do you approach them?  Do you say hello?  Do you just stand there gawking like a weirdo and repress the confidence with negative thoughts?  

In my case, I approach them and say hello.  I’m kinda weird like that, except this morning…I saw a woman walking into the building where I get my morning coffee, and since I wasn’t having a very good morning, my spirit was kind of. . . disgruntled.  

Anyway, she was walking in the building ahead of me and held the door for myself and another person.  For a brief moment she looked up at me and when our eyes met, my confidence grew.  I can’t really explain it, it just did.  

As we walked closer to the elevators, she flipped her hair a few times and kind of slowed down a bit to let me catch up.  All the signs were there and I felt like saying hello or asking her how she was doing this morning, however, instead of saying anything to her I let her get on the elevator and never even looked back.  

I have no idea who she is.  No idea if I’ll ever see her again.  No idea if I’ll ever have the opportunity to introduce myself again.  

head_in_pillow

Missed opportunities are pathetic, but sometimes being a guy and feeling like you’re the one who has to make the move all the time can be really pathetic as well. 

I’m an Embarrassment and a Bad Influence

dating

I found out that since I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, have tattoos, weird piercings or sleep around like a dog in heat; I’m an embarrassment.   At least that’s what I’ve been told by a woman I dated for a few weeks.   

Apparently, her “friends” (and I use that term loosely and whom I never had the displeasure of meeting) didn’t approve of her and I dating.  

The reason was because they didn’t take too kindly to my lifestyle choices and informed her that because I didn’t behave the way they did, I would be a “problem” and they were concerned for her because (and I quote) “I would try to influence and lead her away from the things they like doing with her.”  

Now you have to understand, the gal I was seeing did drink and have some weird piercings and a tattoo (it’s almost impossible to meet a woman these days that doesn’t) but still…she wasn’t someone who slept around and she did not smoke or do drugs; however, her friends were afraid that I would lead her down a path where she would quit drinking altogether and they had so much influence over her that she went from enjoying my company to being embarrassed to be seen with me in public.

Towards the end of our dating experiment, we never went out in public together.  I only found out the reason when I pressed her as to why she didn’t want to go to a social event that we had planned on attending for nearly three weeks.  

In her words, she was concerned because her friends had told her that I wasn’t “good for her” and that I would be a burden not allowing her to have any (of what they considered) fun.

Soooo…instead of getting to know me to find out whether or not I would be the horrible person they imagined me to be (and obviously influenced her to believe I was) these liberal, selfishly unrighteous, jealous, judgmental sinners did the one thing they never want anyone to do to them…

They judged me.  (Incorrectly, I might add.)  And sadly, the woman who I thought accepted me for who I am . . . didn’t accept me for who I am.     

To say we’re still seeing one another would be a lie.  We’re not.  I don’t want to be with a woman who’s friends have that much influence over her.  It’s pathetic.

Don’t get me wrong…the opinion of your friends does matter, but seriously…they were afraid that I would lead her AWAY from drinking?!?   Ummm…not to split hairs but… Shouldn’t that be a clue that your so-called “friends” aren’t really looking out for your best interest or your personal health and welfare?   

On top of that, I would never have encouraged her to stop drinking completely unless she wanted to stop drinking and needed some encouragement.  Also, I knew going into the experiment that she enjoyed a glass of wine or a beer every now and then, but she wasn’t a heavy drinker by any means, and she knew that I didn’t drink and was okay with it…or so I thought.    

I don’t think I ever gave the impression that I wanted her to stop drinking.  Matter of fact…and come to think of it… I never once made mention of it.  

Even when she ordered a glass of wine at dinner, I didn’t give any weird looks or say that she shouldn’t drink.  A couple times I asked about the wine she was drinking because I don’t know much about it and was curious what she would recommend with steak or chicken.  

Honestly, I’m not one of those bovine that think any and every alcoholic beverage is bad.  I know they aren’t, I just want people to drink responsibly.  But come … on!!  

I’m a bad influence because I don’t drink?!!?    

Really???  

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?       

So, after this and many other failed experiments I’ve finally come to understand why I can’t find a decent woman to spend my life with.  It’s because I’m an embarrassment and a bad influence on them.  I’ll lead them astray.  

So here’s some advice for all you women… Stay away from the guy who’s life is void of drugs and drinking, promiscuity and self indulgence because he might lead you to a life of freedom from addiction, drunkenness, immorality and self loathing!    

Who knew that was such a bad thing?!  

After 44 years on this earth being me.  After 44 years of waiting, praying for and holding out for the woman that I believed would come along.  After 44 years of dating and then being dumped over and over again for reasons I could never understand.  After 44 years of being excited to meet someone and to share part of my life with them only to suffer a broken heart and numerous let downs,  I now know and understand why women have a desire to flee from my presence. 

It’s because I’m considered an embarrassment to the world because I don’t drink, do drugs, sleep around, have weird piercings or tattoos and I live a clean and sober life.  I just don’t fit in, and upon learning this I’ve decided that I’m raising my standards and never dating any women who drink, smoke, do drugs, have tattoos, weird piercings, been divorced, have kids, sleep around . . . or  . . . have friends who do the same.  

I guess this means I’m off the market completely.   

I refuse to spend any more time wasted on the frivolous stupidity of dating.  It’s just not fun anymore.  It’s become very pathetic and incredibly intolerable.     

Oh…and as I wrote this, I found out that I’m a jerk and a horrible person as well.  (Hrmm…seems like I’ve heard that somewhere before..?  Oh ya!  The last woman I dated!!) 

I didn’t do anything wrong and yet, I’m the bad guy here?  I didn’t judge her or her friends, they judged me, and now I’m the villian?!?!    Again…

WHAT THE HELL???!!!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!   (can you tell that I’m a tad bit frustrated by this?)

I guess she feels guilty or something and instead of being mad at herself and her friends (who really are to blame), she’s blaming me for all of this.    

Pathetic!!

 – 

jerk

 

Love

How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs? 

I met up with a man a few years ago who was going through a divorce that was devastating his life.  He didn’t want the divorce.  His wife (now ex-wife) wanted it more than he did because she met a man at church, of all places, who persuaded her to leave her husband and take him for everything he had.  

A few months later I ran into a young woman who shared an equally depressing story that her husband of two years had cleaned out their bank account and ran off with another woman.  They are now divorced as well.

Over the course of the past five years I’ve heard story after story about different men and women, all thinking they found “the one”, who got divorced because another person persuaded them or their spouse to leave the marriage.

According to the Pew research center, LESS THAN HALF of kids living in the united states today live in what we deem a “traditional family”.  Compare that to the 61% in the 1980’s and the 73% in the 1960’s. 

On the whole, remarriage is on the rise – four in ten new marriages include at least one partner who has been married before, however, the number of adults who have ever been remarried now stands at 42 million — a threefold increase since 1960. 

Furthermore, divorce has been found to be contagious.  Basically, it’s been suggested that if a friend or close relative gets a divorce, it dramatically increases the chances that you will too. (“Hey look!  that cow just walked over there to graze.  Must be better prairie grass.  I’ll just go over there and find out…”)  Sound familiar?  

Conversely, there are a record number of Americans who have NEVER been married, and this is the group that I happen to fall into.

I’m a 43 year old man who has never been married. 

My reason isn’t because I’m against marriage or against women or relationships in general.  It’s not because there’s something wrong with me or because I’m afraid of commitment.  (By the way…ladies…you have to stop using that excuse as a reason to make yourselves feel better when a man doesn’t want to get married.  If a man stops pursuing or doesn’t propose…it’s not because he’s afraid of commitment, it’s because he’s not interested in marrying you.) 

No… my reason is because I finally realized that no one on this earth can provide what I’ve been searching for…True, Untainted, Unconditional Love.

I’m a traditional guy.  I believe in traditional marriage, not the huff and fluff of today’s psycho babble that gets spewed out by the numerous puberideologists who want everyone to accept and believe that love equals attraction and attraction equals sex, therefore, sex equals attraction and attraction equals love, so sex must equal love as well.

(Puberideologists: created using the words ‘puberty’ and ‘ideologist’.  I define it as: “living your adulthood with the assumption that the mindset you had during puberty is still relevant.”) 

I’m sure that there are people in this world who can truly love another human being without putting stipulations on that love, but I haven’t met that person.  So again, let me ask my initial question:

How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs? 

Hollywood spews out one type of “love”.   Journalism spews out another type.   Mom and dad spew out a completely different type of “love”, and then you have the churches spewing out a type of “love” that appears to be healthy and unconditional, but is tainted with the ideology of human “love” where it’s no longer unconditional love that’s practiced.

It’s confusing as hell!

The nature of MOST men is that of hunter and gatherer.  We’re providers and we believe that loving someone means that we provide for their needs, but that is something women don’t want us to do anymore because they provide for themselves. 

They protect themselves. 

They don’t “NEED” a man (their words), so they reject the love men provide without realizing they are doing it, which leads men into a tailspin because men genuinely want to be protectors and providers.  It’s how we show love.  We’re like that house cat that proudly catches a mouse and then delivers it to our owner’s doorstep.  Okay, bad analogy…but you get the point. 

Men want to be respected in society and in relationships for what they can bring to the table, but when you’re indirectly told that you’re not needed …  well … how do you feel when you’re told you’re not needed by someone you want to love?

Sadly, the world is bombarding men with the idea that we aren’t worth the dirt we were created from. 

It’s pathetic and humiliating.  So again I ask the initial question…

How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs?

Kind of a pathetic question, but every pathetic question has a pathetic answer.  Feel free to share your thoughts.

New Job and 50’s Short Films

 

I haven’t been on here much in the past few days and that’s because I started a new job Monday and my focus has been on that.  When I get home, my brain is fried and I just can’t write anything, which is pathetic in and of itself.

However, I thought I would share these links with you of 1950’s short films that teach people how to be good little followers.

These are all on youtube.com so if the links don’t work, just copy and paste them into your address bar.  Most are 8 min shorts but some are longer.

 

How to say no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtQ-cUVEOQY

Going Steady?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRF-nB8xJLI

Young Man’s Fancy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uMLVRWwEg8

Snap Out of It!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKxBKfRph_g

Self Conscious Guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUp9s3DCDZY

Are you popular?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tifJ5DH9jQ

Arranging a Buffet Supper

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBPCKIf9d_I

Marriage Today

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Amy0IuBFIQ

Boy With a Knife

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZSfmEikL4k

Labor and Childbirth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZMSucn2sTM

I want to be a Secretary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsbK4EA_SDg

Let’s Make a Sandwich

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjmANi13WA0

Easy Does It, Ladies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kXcANc7FZQ

Is this love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhzX9B1xm7s

Jealousy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh-vZfASf-M

Who’s Right?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVyWUzcQ7hk

Who’s Boss?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-n__D2qYO8

Choosing For Happiness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9kUnUmr6nA

How to Spot a Communist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkYl_AH-qyk

Hipsters & Your young adult: A deadly Combination

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fEb8-zV2qU