Crazy Cattle

crazy

I want to write a post about how pathetically crazy you cattle really are, but I can’t seem to put the words on the page.  

I’d like to write about how crazy it is for a simple, loving mother to suddenly think it would be okay to murder her children and feel no remorse.

Or how nutty it is for a man to chase his estranged wife into their neighbor’s house, then kill the neighbor.

I’d very much like to write an opinion piece about how crazy it is for a man in Miami, FL who called police to tell them that he killed his wife for not being loyal, and when police asked him if there was anyone else in the home he replied: “No, it was just me and my dead wife.”  Not too mention how crazy it is that this same man was shot multiple times for charging at police.

Or how about the crazy story of a woman who decided to drive her car into a crowd of people in Oklahoma or there’s the other one that happened in Vegas?

Or how about the lunatic story about the man in Oregon that killed his wife because she put the lid on the ketchup bottle too tight.

Maybe I could write about the crazy story of a guy in Oregon who decided to single out and kill Christians at a community college.

Or even a few choice words about this absolutely nutty story of a woman in Alabama who decided to kill her ex-husband for making an obscene gesture at her.

And these are just the tip of the iceberg.  There are so many more crazy examples out there that I could write about.

Like this crazy Washington Post article where a woman claimed to have killed her husband with a stone frog, yet no one believed her.  That was, until they found the body EIGHTEEN YEARS LATER!

Hey, but it’s not just husbands and wives killing one another…here’s a nutty little diddy about a 17 year old who decided to off his parents.

And another about an 11 year old who killed an 8 year old all because of an argument.

Sadly, every single one of these stories is a pathetic example of how majorly messed up and crazy you cattle really are, and I would very much like to write a post about it, but as I mentioned in my opening statement, I just can’t find the words.

I wish I could because it would be a very pathetic piece of literary work.

crazy1

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Lost Boys

sheldon

And as pathetic as it is…

The “boys” in this world are confused, lust-filled mongrels who lack any sense of morality or decency.  

Most of them never grow out of puberty and lack confidence, self-respect and love.  It’s sad really…because I firmly believe the reason for this is a lack of a true role-model. . . a father who will take them under their wing and teach them how to be a man. . . a real man. . . instead, they end up being one of these flimsy, pathetic lost boys who can never seem to grow up.

And what’s even more pathetic…these “boys” are procreating and creating more of their kind!

 

Pathetic Wisdom Wednesday

 

Can’t seem to come up with a great idea?  Creative juices just aren’t flowing?  Can’t get that light bulb to turn on over your head? 

Here’s a thought…

Stand in a puddle of water and stick your finger in a light socket. 

(disclaimer: This post was just for humor, not to be taken seriously.  Furthermore, I take no responsibility for any cattle who actually perform this act after reading the above text.  
If you’re really ignorant and stupid, please take my advice and don’t stick your finger in a light socket while standing in a puddle of water.  It won’t give you any bright ideas.  Instead, it’ll kill you.
For those who have lost loved ones who did happen to stick their finger in a light socket while standing in a puddle of water, I mean no offense by my post and hope you can see the humor that is only to shed light on how pathetic some suggestions can be.) 

Friday Funny: Amazon.com Adverts

sperm

I was browsing products on Amazon.com the other day and stumbled upon a few advertisements that were quite pathetic.  
After the first two, I thought they were just random, but then I realized they weren’t random.  People actually put these pathetic advertisements and promotional pictures together for all the world to see!  
And since I have the means to help promote all things pathetic, I figured I would share them with you all…
Enjoy! 

Flashlights!!  

The below advert clearly shows that the product will allow a person to confidently shoot high-intensity lasers at whatever they happen to be looking at.  This comes in handy while camping or hiking and you suddenly get attacked by bears, moose or other wildlife.

laserhead

This picture below reveals that by pointing this flashlight directly at your face, the light will instantly reveal every major flaw you possess inside and out.  It’s very handy for women to help weed out the losers from the winners. 

flashlight

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Mosquito Repellent!!

I know that if I were camping and a swarm of giant cartoon mosquitoes showed up, I’d be heading home, but not these two!

I’m not sure what happened to the guy in the hat behind that woman…I think he’s napping, but then again, maybe he was attacked by a giant cartoon mosquito and is having a reaction, but as you can clearly see,  the mosquito repellent weaponry that the woman has placed on her right wrist allows her to remain confident in the midst of a giant cartoon mosquito attack.

mosquito repel2

I don’t know if the mosquito is repelled by the wrist band or the weirdness of the situation.

mosquito repel1

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Costume Pants!! 

These are called: Goosh Pants.

Obviously the name speaks for itself, but if you can’t tell from looking at the picture, these are for Halloween…or maybe a wedding.  Either way, anything that makes it look like you’ve just wet or soiled yourself is worth the purchase!

Halloween costume

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Weird Toys!!

Next we have “The Breast Milk Baby”.  It’s for all those little girls who just can’t wait to breast feed!  It comes with a plastic doll and an apron that has nipples on it for the baby to feed on.

If you thought this picture was bad enough, here’s a youtube link for a  televised commercial showing how the product works: Breast milk baby video

Breast Milk Baby

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Selfie Stick!!

Our next advert is from a selfie stick advertisement that gives us three great uses and then one rather … ummm … let’s just say that one of these things is not like the others:

one of these things is not like the others

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Items Frequently Bought Together!!

And finally, I have saved the most pathetic for last.

Amazon.com likes to give their customers the option of being able to buy multiple items together.  These options are usually found just below the actual item that a customer might be viewing.  For instance, if you’re looking to purchase bath towels, you might have the option to purchase bath towels + shampoo as a combo purchase.

Normally, Amazon.com will label these as “Frequently Bought Together” items and give the customer an idea of how much they would save if they too purchased these items together.

However, in one such instance this blogger was given a very pathetic and very weird option of “Frequently Bought Together” items:

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combined items III  <— click on picture to enlarge

I guess there are a lot of pathetic people who enjoy relaxing to the soothing ocean sounds of an LED night light after a long day of trapping their own rodents and grinding them up into fresh meat!

I gotta say, that’s not my idea of healthy or relaxing, but too each their pathetic own!

 

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Speed Limit, Tailgaters and MY Human Rights

 tailgater

Today I was driving down a residential street that has become an avenue for speeding.  As I was driving along at 25 mph enjoying a somewhat beautiful day, I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a “jackass” in a Lexus SUV riding my bumper, and as he was talking on his cell phone while driving, he twice attempted to go around me but couldn’t because there were too many cars coming from the other direction.  

This took place for about two blocks until we reached an intersection where there was a green light.  Since there were oncoming cars from the other direction I had to wait for them to cross before I could make a left turn onto an arterial street.  While waiting, the light turned yellow and a few of the oncoming cars decided to “make” the light so when I eventually turned the corner, the light was red…and guess who rode my bumper around the corner? 

Yep…jackass!

Anyway, he didn’t like that I was driving the speed limit and obeying traffic laws, so he swerved into the second lane and sped past me.  As he did, he glared at me as if to make me believe that I was the one in the wrong.   

Once he passed me, he swerved back into my lane Annnnnd… like a good neighbor, I took it upon myself to show him just how high he rates on my scale of pathetic.  

Thhhaaaaat’s right!   He’s number one!  And I made sure that he knew how serious I was about it because I raised a finger on both hands.   

As he rapidly sped away, I saw him return the gesture of friendship and brotherly love, to which I must say triggered something inside me that made me want to pursue some of my own happiness, however, I turned the corner and let him drive away thinking whatever his sorry, pathetic worthless mind was thinking about me. 

If you can’t tell from what I’ve written thus far, I hate tailgaters.  AbsolutelyHATEtailgaters.

And since we’re on the topic, I firmly believe that it should be MY constitutional human right to pursue happiness by pulling a tailgater from their vehicle, strapping them to the front of my car and then driving around smashing into things with them as my hood ornament.  Ohhhh…I cannot tell you the happiness that would bring me.  

…sighhh…

but alas!  I am unable to do this.  

Maybe someday the laws will give me that freedom, until then I’ll just post about my frustrations and their pathetic deeds of stupidity. 

Tailgaters are pathetic.

Health Study

 monogamous

I can only assume that every major city has a local or state government channel.  In my little vortex of hell we have about ten government channels that are split between state, city and federal; and recently, on one of those pathetic channels of stupidity, a woman who possesses little or no actual medical training or knowledge said this:  

“To protect their reproductive health, women should make sure they always use a condom when having sex to prevent the spread of STD’s.”

Umm…

That logic is about as wise as a redneck who says, “hold my beer and watch this!”

Truth is, the spread of STD’s would cease if men and women would start thinking with their brains instead of their libido. 

Seriously… The only reason that STD’s continue to exist is because all of humanity are perverted creatures who think that the penis and vagina are play things and not reproductive things. 

Stop having sex with multiple partners and watch the number of STD cases vanish. 

If you think I’m wrong or you disagree with me, let’s test it out.  Everyone find ONE and only ONE partner.  Stay with that person and only that person and never have sex with anyone else.  Then, teach your kids to not have sex until they are old enough to care for and support a child, and when they are finally old enough, have them find ONE partner and only ONE partner and never sleep with anyone else…as the cycle continues watch what happens to the amount of people who have sexually transmitted diseases…

I’m pretty certain that the numbers will go down over time…but hey!  What do I know?  I’m just a ignorant blogger.

Too bad humans don’t have any will power or common sense to pull this study off. 

And why not? 

Because humanity is pathetic.

My Humor Friday

voices in my head

_

We can’t have enough pathetic awards ceremonies in the United States.

There are hundreds of awards shows in Hollywood (that we actually know of), then there’s the awards shows that are given on the state and local levels for wannabe Hollywood award winners, and we can’t forget the awards shows for all the other people in the world who think they deserve an award for doing their jobs all day, because a paycheck and not getting fired isn’t enough.

And then there are awards shows for athletes such as, TMZESPN’s Espy awards.

This year, Bruce “I’d Rather be called dumbass” Jenner was given the TMZESPN Arthur Ashe “Courage the Cowardly Dog Award” this past week.  I’m really not sure what’s so courageous about dressing up for Halloween 364 days a year, but the toad-lickers at TMZESPN seem to think that there’s something really courageous about it, so they gave the award to a man who seems to think it’s okay not to be a man anymore.  Which, in my book, is really pathetic and an insult to men and women everywhere, but I digress.

Anyway, along with the “Courage the Cowardly Dog Award”, Rhonda “I secretly wish I were a man” Rousey won the award for “Best fighter of the year” and in her post-award winning interview threw out a supposed insult at Floyd Mayweather saying, “I wonder how Floyd feels being beaten by a woman for once.”

Which then begs the question…

Should we not be asking all the men who lost to Bruce Jenner in the 1976 olympics the same thing?

Have a pathetic Friday!