Okay…so, I once dated a woman who took me to a local bar/restaurant where she claimed she was “friends” with the owner.
While we were sitting at our table, a waitress walked up to take our order but before that could happen, my date proceeded to ask if the owner would make an appearance at our table because she wanted to say hello.
The waitress, ignoring all the tell-tale signs that I was about to die of starvation, gave a quick glance around the room and then excused herself to see if she could find the owner.
After what seemed like weeks because I was starving and in desperate need of sustenance, the waitress finally made a second appearance at our table; not to take our order mind you, but to gleefully produce the owner of the restaurant who didn’t look all that happy to be taken away from whatever it was she was taken away from.
She kind of reminded me of Katherine Hepburn in. . . well. . . everything that Katherine Hepburn was ever in.
. . . and this is where the pathetic begins!
My date, smiling like an adopted puppy, greeted the owner of the restaurant as if they had known each other for many years. The owner, however, didn’t return the same expression or body language.
Matter of fact, she actually asked my date how they knew one another because, and I quote, “she had no idea who my date was or when they met.”
. . .begin . . raising . . . yellow . . . flag. . . now . . .
My date, unsure how to respond and glancing at me with a look that said: “Crap, I hope he’s not smart enough to read into that!” (which I am) looked back at the owner and politely stated, “Oh, you don’t remember? It was about a month ago…I was here one night watching a football game and that’s when we met.” To which the owner of the restaurant returned a rather pathetic and bemused, “Ummm…Oooo-kaaaay?”
…oops! My mistake…wrong flag . . . Silly me . . . Yellow flag lowered…Red flag . . . Raised!!
This is when the owner began looking around the room hoping she could find a way out of this very weird, very pathetic conversation.
Of course, my date, still wanting to prove to me that she really did know this woman, tried to ease the awkwardness of the moment with some pathetic small talk, but this woman who was visibly uncomfortable and obviously NOT my date’s friend wouldn’t have any part of it.
After what seemed like an eternity (probably because I was near death from starvation) of mumbles, glances and awkward smiles, the owner finally said some pleasantries then excused herself to assist one of her employees with a large order.
At that moment my date looked at me with the look of being caught in a lie. You know the look…pierced lips, wandering eyes, the quick look over each shoulder to plan your exit strategy because your nose is growing and your pants spontaneously caught on fire…
Now I, being the sincere, empathetic (see what I did there?) man that I am, stared at my date with a look of expectant optimism hoping that she would confess the truth.
The truth that my date wasn’t actually ‘friends’ with this person. That she only met her once and since that initial meeting has never had any interaction with her what-so-ever.
However, instead of telling me the truth my date looked at me with great conviction and confidence and pathetically stated,
“She tends to forget things. She’s funny that way.”
Honesty…integrity…and truthfulness go a long way in my book, but lying…fibs…and trying to cover your butt when you get caught in a lie are exceptionally pathetic.
Oh…and if you’re curious, yes. The waitress finally took my order and the food was delicious.