It’s all in vain

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Solomon said it best.  Vanity of vanities, everything is vanity.  There is nothing new under the sun and the life we all live really is pathetic.

I wish I could explain to you how little hope I have left in my life and how little I care.  I just don’t have a heart for life anymore.

Nothing matters…

nothing.

I beg God to take me home, but He leaves me here.  I don’t want to be here, but there’s no where for me to go.

I have no direction, no hope, no joy, no loves, no hobbies, no ambition, nothing.

I’ve even lost all my humor and laughter.

I dread the evening because I know morning is coming, and I dread morning because I know I have to face a day filled with pathetic requests made by pathetic people who love to brown nose their way through life; and then, I have to go back to bed and dread morning because I know I have to face it all over again.

If I could lay down and fall asleep and never wake up, I’d be the happiest person in the world.

My heart is tired. . . actually, no…

it’s exhausted.

I have no energy to face the day and speaking of, these are some of the longest days ever known to mankind.

sigh…

so…I remain here.

waiting.

waiting for some miracle, waiting for hope, waiting for direction, waiting for a calling, waiting for my heart to stop beating, waiting for my last breath.

waiting

And even that’s in vain.

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pathetic.

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17 thoughts on “It’s all in vain”

  1. Holy crap. Is this in the air?
    I felt a lot like this when I wrote my last post.
    Last night I wanted to fall asleep too and never wake up. There was one issue though…I couldn’t get to sleep. Struck with insomnia…so damn ironic.

    Sorry you’re feeling this way. I can remember all that you explain when I was working. I hope you are feeling better soon. Depression sucks!

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    • That’s really weird that you mention that you couldn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t either. I went to bed early, but woke up a few hours after and stayed awake until my alarm went off. I’m sorry you felt that way too, but I know the feeling all too well. and you’re right…depression sucks!

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      • Weird. I never got the notification that you responded.
        I’ve started to eat quite a bit healthier and that’s helping. Not the complete picture but a significant piece of it for me.

        How are you feeling going on a month later?

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        • Yeah, WordPress hasn’t been alerting me when people comment on a comment, so I think they messed something up or “fixed” something again. Anyway…I’m feeling a bit better since that rant…I think the days getting longer and warmer have helped a lot. Glad to hear that you’re eating healthier and it’s helping your disposition. 🙂

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  3. This world is not an easy one to get through, I am with you on that. There is so much junk to be dealt with in a single day and when you’re past caring about it, it really does seem insurmountable to think that you must continue. But continue you must……I have not decreed this, but the fact that you are still here says that it has been decreed by God. Like it or not, your work here is not done yet. Be kind to yourself and realize that you need not do anything more than just BE….the rest will be shown to you at the right time. And that, my friend, is a promise.

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  5. This breaks my heart. “Hang in there” is meaningless when you feel this way, I know from experience. But “God has this” says it all doesn’t it? In spite of the meaninglessness, hang in there. Consider yourself virtually hugged.

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    • some will read that post and see the negatives, but I’m glad you saw the positives. Thank you, IB, for the encouraging words and the reminder that I’m not alone and that God has this! 🙂

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Herd Mooings