This is an open letter to SJGP and seeing how we haven’t spoken in years, I’m certain this letter will come as a surprise to you.
It’s a letter that I’ve been meaning to write for some time, but because I never knew how to say thank you, I put it off. . .That is. . .until today.
Today, I’d like to say thank you for being candid with me all those years ago. For reinforcing all the things that I already believed about myself. For helping me recognize that everything I was told by my sisters growing up or have thought about myself as a person all these years, was true.
You may not know it, but your words to me before you decided to move on with your life left an indelible impression. An impression so great that it became ingrained on my mind, heart and soul.
Even though we only spent a short time crossing one another’s paths, our time together was a stark reminder that I really wasn’t the man I had always thought I was. A man who was kind, gentle, compassionate, honest, respectful, and loving. A man who, through humility, was an example of the God I thought I served.
Thank you for telling me the truth.
The truth that my actions to offer you my coat when you were cold or to open the door for you out of respect for your presence in my life were horrible actions on my part.
The truth that I wasn’t sincere when I showed up unannounced to see the woman I love. That, instead, I was “checking up on you” and not just randomly showing up because I missed seeing you and wanted to spend some time with you.
The truth about my gentle spirit and desire to pray with you and study scripture with you. I know that I tried to establish a foundation of trust and faith in God with you, but I went overboard; expecting to much and not realizing that, even though you claim to have a relationship with Jesus, praying and studying scripture with you wasn’t something you enjoyed.
The truth that asking God to bless people by showering them with loving friends, the warmth of His grace, kindness and compassion and to fill their lives with His truth and love; even though they treated me with contempt, hatred and rejection throughout my life, was prideful and arrogant on my part.
The truth that turning the other cheek and forgiving those who mistreat me was a sign of weakness, and that sharing my faith, relationship and knowledge of God with others or striking up a conversation with someone I didn’t know and sharing life stories with them were embarrassments not only to you, but to others as well.
So, thank you.
Thank you for reminding me that all of these examples are evidence that I was wrong and that I’m not an example of the One who I have lived to be an example of all my life. That all the years of trusting in Him and believing that I was treating others the way I wanted to be treated was incorrect. That 30+ years of devotion to serving others and living a humble life in and through Jesus was nothing more than a fraudulent existence.
Thank you for the lasting impression you have left on my heart, mind and soul. Thank you for being a device that God used to help me see just how meaningless my life really is to others and to myself. Truth is, if you wouldn’t have come into my life all those years ago, I would never have known these things about myself and would have continued to live my life with a false sense of faith and confidence in God. I would have also never realized just how much women loathe me. So thank you.
In closing and with utmost sincerity, I would like you to know that I hope and pray that God will continue to bless you and your family. That His love and grace would overflow from your life to the lives of those around you, and that you would be filled with His Spirit of understanding and compassion. I know you find that to be heartless and cruel, but it’s all I have left to offer.
Furthermore, I’d like to thank you most of all for helping me come to the understanding that I’m a pathetic person for holding on to this for so long, but until recently, it’s been difficult putting the words together to let you know just how thankful I am for your unfruitful, unforgettable words. Your honesty will always be a constant reminder of that fact and without that truthful revelation, this blog wouldn’t exist.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season and a very Merry Christmas.