I’m an Embarrassment and a Bad Influence

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dating

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I found out that since I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, have tattoos, weird piercings or sleep around like a dog in heat; I’m an embarrassment.   At least that’s what I’ve been told by a woman I dated for a few weeks.   

Apparently, her “friends” (and I use that term loosely and whom I never had the displeasure of meeting) didn’t approve of her and I dating.  

The reason was because they didn’t take too kindly to my lifestyle choices and informed her that because I didn’t behave the way they did, I would be a “problem” and they were concerned for her because (and I quote) “I would try to influence and lead her away from the things they like doing with her.”  

Now you have to understand, the gal I was seeing did drink and have some weird piercings and a tattoo (it’s almost impossible to meet a woman these days that doesn’t) but still…she wasn’t someone who slept around and she did not smoke or do drugs; however, her friends were afraid that I would lead her down a path where she would quit drinking altogether and they had so much influence over her that she went from enjoying my company to being embarrassed to be seen with me in public.

Towards the end of our dating experiment, we never went out in public together.  I only found out the reason when I pressed her as to why she didn’t want to go to a social event that we had planned on attending for nearly three weeks.  

In her words, she was concerned because her friends had told her that I wasn’t “good for her” and that I would be a burden not allowing her to have any (of what they considered) fun.

Soooo…instead of getting to know me to find out whether or not I would be the horrible person they imagined me to be (and obviously influenced her to believe I was) these liberal, selfishly unrighteous, jealous, judgmental sinners did the one thing they never want anyone to do to them…

They judged me.  (Incorrectly, I might add.)  And sadly, the woman who I thought accepted me for who I am . . . didn’t accept me for who I am.     

To say we’re still seeing one another would be a lie.  We’re not.  I don’t want to be with a woman who’s friends have that much influence over her.  It’s pathetic.

Don’t get me wrong…the opinion of your friends does matter, but seriously…they were afraid that I would lead her AWAY from drinking?!?   Ummm…not to split hairs but… Shouldn’t that be a clue that your so-called “friends” aren’t really looking out for your best interest or your personal health and welfare?   

On top of that, I would never have encouraged her to stop drinking completely unless she wanted to stop drinking and needed some encouragement.  Also, I knew going into the experiment that she enjoyed a glass of wine or a beer every now and then, but she wasn’t a heavy drinker by any means, and she knew that I didn’t drink and was okay with it…or so I thought.    

I don’t think I ever gave the impression that I wanted her to stop drinking.  Matter of fact…and come to think of it… I never once made mention of it.  

Even when she ordered a glass of wine at dinner, I didn’t give any weird looks or say that she shouldn’t drink.  A couple times I asked about the wine she was drinking because I don’t know much about it and was curious what she would recommend with steak or chicken.  

Honestly, I’m not one of those bovine that think any and every alcoholic beverage is bad.  I know they aren’t, I just want people to drink responsibly.  But come … on!!  

I’m a bad influence because I don’t drink?!!?    

Really???  

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?       

So, after this and many other failed experiments I’ve finally come to understand why I can’t find a decent woman to spend my life with.  It’s because I’m an embarrassment and a bad influence on them.  I’ll lead them astray.  

So here’s some advice for all you women… Stay away from the guy who’s life is void of drugs and drinking, promiscuity and self indulgence because he might lead you to a life of freedom from addiction, drunkenness, immorality and self loathing!    

Who knew that was such a bad thing?!  

After 44 years on this earth being me.  After 44 years of waiting, praying for and holding out for the woman that I believed would come along.  After 44 years of dating and then being dumped over and over again for reasons I could never understand.  After 44 years of being excited to meet someone and to share part of my life with them only to suffer a broken heart and numerous let downs,  I now know and understand why women have a desire to flee from my presence. 

It’s because I’m considered an embarrassment to the world because I don’t drink, do drugs, sleep around, have weird piercings or tattoos and I live a clean and sober life.  I just don’t fit in, and upon learning this I’ve decided that I’m raising my standards and never dating any women who drink, smoke, do drugs, have tattoos, weird piercings, been divorced, have kids, sleep around . . . or  . . . have friends who do the same.  

I guess this means I’m off the market completely.   

I refuse to spend any more time wasted on the frivolous stupidity of dating.  It’s just not fun anymore.  It’s become very pathetic and incredibly intolerable.     

Oh…and as I wrote this, I found out that I’m a jerk and a horrible person as well.  (Hrmm…seems like I’ve heard that somewhere before..?  Oh ya!  The last woman I dated!!) 

I didn’t do anything wrong and yet, I’m the bad guy here?  I didn’t judge her or her friends, they judged me, and now I’m the villian?!?!    Again…

WHAT THE HELL???!!!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!   (can you tell that I’m a tad bit frustrated by this?)

I guess she feels guilty or something and instead of being mad at herself and her friends (who really are to blame), she’s blaming me for all of this.    

Pathetic!!

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jerk

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49 thoughts on “I’m an Embarrassment and a Bad Influence”

  2. Congrats on getting her out of your life! I know it hurts and or pisses you off now, but better you realize this now than 3 years in to this relationship. There are women out there that are looking for someone like you. Prayers and positive thoughts toward you finding her soon

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  3. After reading your post, I don’t feel like this is really about whether or not someone smokes, drinks, likes causal sex, or any of those things. It is possible to be a social drinker and not be a raging alcoholic, etc…I think this is more about the maturity of the woman you were dating, or the lack thereof. Mature women would not behave that way, and it seems like she used a junior high cop-out to end the relationship. Sadly, being an adult in your forties does not guarantee maturity, or depth, or decency in people. I’m sorry you had to experience this, and dating is an experiment in frustration at any age. But don’t let the actions of a small group of women sour you to your desire of meeting a good and wonderful person. Those people don’t get to dictate the direction of your life, or your choices, and you wouldn’t want to date someone like that anyway. Be glad you found out how wrong she was for you early in the relationship. PS–I love wine! 😉

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    • LOL! … your PS made me laugh out loud. thank you for that.

      Also, thank you for the comment. it was very candid and honest…much like the other comments that I have received from this post. I appreciate that. And you are correct. She wasn’t very mature, but most of the women I’ve dated in the past 20 years haven’t been very mature and that is the reason I’ve decided to raise my standards to a level that no woman on this earth can ever reach and therefore, remove myself from the dating pool completely.

      Quite honestly, Wanda, I just don’t have the heart for it anymore. Nor do I have the patience or tolerance to play the games.

      The truth is, after this last ordeal I’ve learned that I’m impatient, bitter, angry, frustrated, immature, vengeful, harsh, way too honest, uncaring and most of all, unloving. And because of these traits, it’s best that I not date or put anyone else through the pain and hurt that I have caused so many…including myself.

      I do appreciate your comments and your honesty. Your words are very truthful and very kind. You’re a sweet woman. thank you.

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  5. It is weird how the no drinking thing affects people, my friends initially thought it weird that I didn’t, thd could imagine you could possibly have fun without it. Truth be told I was more fun without it so therefore chose not to.
    Like you, after 44 years on this planet, dating sucks and its just not worth putting your heart on the line anymore.
    Still it would be nice to have someone to cuddle up beside on the sofa lol

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    • See, I’m the same way. I’m more fun when I don’t drink. Also, I’m one of those guys who’s always looking out for others because I don’t want them to be taken advantage of, and I’m more alert when I’m sober. 😉

      Thank you for the comment, and yes…having someone to cuddle up with on the sofa is nice…I’m gonna miss that. lol.

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      • A mature person will not allow him/herself to be taken advantage of, and is wise enough to know, at least most of the time, when he/she is not thinking clearly i.e. when inebriated. A mature person also has his/her own opinions and standards and is not easily influenced by “friends” who probably are not really friends as they are more concerned about their fun than his/hers.

        You sound like such a mature person, and believe me when I say that 5aturity is not related to age. My sister is 55 and we’re still waiting for her to grow up!

        I have a good female friend who has reached a conclusion similar to yours, after a lot of similar bad experiences, unfortunately. As a result, she now spends more time with her true friends and enjoying her own company. She has also decided to settle for cuddling with her cat, at least for the time being.

        Before I met my husband, at the ripe old age (at least for a woman in those days) of 34, I used to tell my mom (who thought she’d never be a grandma), that the good ones don’t grow on trees. They hide under rocks and it takes a lot of work, and sometimes pain, to locate them. Between making the herculean efforts to lift whatever rocks you find in your path, of course you can take a break to catch your breath and rebuild your strength! Happy Future Digging?

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  9. I just have two things to say:

    1. You’re dating the wrong kind of woman, but the right kind will come along eventually;

    2. That woman’s parents would have loved you! A guy who leads their daughter onto the right path instead of into danger? What’s wrong with that?

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    • 🙂 you’re too kind. Apparently, her friends thought there was something wrong with that. Also, I would figure that a woman in her 40’s who had been through some rocky relationships of her own would have wanted a guy like me…and maybe she still does…but she’s too afraid of what her friends think. that tells me a lot of what I need to know about her.

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  11. Oh, uhg, I’m so sorry.

    When I first met my husband I was a raging feminist and ran with a pretty rough crowd that all wanted me to drink heavily. A couple people actually picketed our wedding and refused to go, they were so mad that I had aligned with the enemy. Over the years all of these “friends” have fallen away only partially because hubby helped to run them off by speaking the truth to them. He was right every darn time.

    Not long ago one stated publicly that I had mental health issues and would never get well unless I got divorced. Keep in mind I’ve been happily married for some 30 years and had no idea my some of my so called friends were still trying to stab me in the back. Yes well, she’s been divorced four times and blames the entire institution of marriage and men themselves for all her issues. I am her surrogate target.

    I tell you all this because I honestly didn’t see it until a few years ago. Hubby has known it all along, that many of my so called friends have always been some of my worst enemies.

    You are not an embarrassment, absolutely not, but yes friends trying to tear apart relationships is a real thing in the world. Don’t give up dating, but yes absolutely nix those who insist on choosing their friends over you. Also, total disrespect towards you being shown there, don’t allow that, don’t accept it, it’s complete nonsense.

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    • Thanks, IB.

      I’m really sorry that you had to endure those who don’t seem to understand that the main reason for their unsuccessful marriages is usually them. Far too many people in this world today don’t understand that a marriage takes two. That both people have to work together at making it work, and sometimes in the process of making it work means you have to walk away from those things that are causing negativity in your life.

      Thanks for the advice and the words of encouragement. I haven’t decided whether or not I’m giving up completely, but since my standards have been raised to a level that 99.999% of women can’t achieve, I’m pretty certain that my dating days are done. 🙂

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  12. Ugh. I’m so sorry this happened to you. As a sober alcoholic, I do sometimes get that I make some people uncomfortable because they feel guilt about their behavior. It isn’t really about me. What these people say about you isn’t really about you either, it’s their own insecurities.

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  13. Stupid cows, the whole herd of them. They’re obviously living on some other planet too.
    I don’t drink, smoke (used to), do drugs (never) or sleep around, and was considered a novelty on my visit to NZ as I wasn’t taking any kind of medication for anything, didn’t eat the skin off the chicken, but did eat the jacket potato skins,
    Hubby doesn’t drink either, or smoke (used to), do drugs (well, he tried it) or sleep around.
    How did we meet? Ad in the local paper.
    We had all kinds of emotional baggage and became friends first supporting each other.
    Silver wedding anniversary next year. 🙂
    Don’t give up. It’s their loss.

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  14. Seriously, it sounds like you are one of those “nice guys who finish last” .Maybe you should just pierce your ears, (It doesn’t hurt,much) get a mohawk and dye it bright green, and get a small tattoo that says MOM( again I hear it doesn’t hurt,much). Then hang out at a bar on the wrong side of town smoking and drinking. There now you are a bad boy! Chicks dig the bad boys.

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  15. What on earth is wrong with these people??!!! I don’t get it at all. It seems to me that this woman has some difficulty speaking up for herself and lets others do it for her!!
    I am sad that you have not met the right woman for you yet, it is just so unforunate that you have managed to meet so many ‘wrong’ types of woman!

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  16. Wow. That is seriously messed up. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a dating situation but I have had people back off in plutonic situations for me not being fun. I apologized for being so nice.

    snerk

    Allbest to you….there has GOT to be someone out there better suited for you

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    • dating really stinks…and in this world of “let’s just be any gender we want to be” it’s getting more difficult.

      thanks for the comment. I appreciate it. 🙂

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