Pathetic Weekend Update


I’m Mister Heat Miser

This weekend Secretary of State, John Kerry, 71, suffered a broken leg in a bicycle crash in the French Alps. 

According to medical professionals he was in stable condition and would be returning to Boston for medical treatment. 

However, eye witnesses weren’t sure that it was John Kerry riding the bicycle because, as one spectator put it, he ingeniously tried to disguise himself as the Buddy Pine from the Incredibles.

buddy          John Kerry

 Have a Diet Coke and a Smile

On Friday, a muslim woman claimed that she was discriminated against on a United Airlines fight because the attendant wouldn’t serve her an unopened can of diet coke; even though, she had just served the man next to her an unopened can of beer. 

The flight attendant informed the woman that they don’t serve unopened cans of beverages because they could be used as weapons.  Then, recognizing her mistake, the flight attendant quickly grabbed the beer from the man and opened it, stating, “It’s so you don’t use it as a weapon.” 

After the passengers sang a rousing round of “I’d like to Buy the World a Coke”, the muslim woman posted her plight on social media where numerous other muslims showed their support and solidarity by reposting her story using #unitedfortahera and stating that they would be boycotting United Airlines flights.  

Ironically, as soon as the news broke that muslims would be flying other airlines, all United Airlines flights were sold out.    

Chocolate Rain

On Friday it was reported that President Barack Obama has presided over the lowest average first-quarter GDP growth of any U.S. president who has served since 1947.

In all first quarters since 1947, the real annual rate of growth of GDP has averaged 4.0 percent.

In the seven first quarters during Obama’s presidency, it has declined by an average of -0.43 percent.  And if you leave out the first quarter of 2009 and look only at the first quarters of the six years since the recession ended, it has averaged only 0.4 percent.

When GDP declined at -1.5 percent in the first quarter of 2011—which was after the recession and two full years into Obama’s presidency—some blamed it at least partly on the weather.

“Some of the slowdown in growth was linked to bad weather in early 2011 and an 11.7 percent decline in defense spending,” said a Reuters story of May 27, 2011.

When real GDP declined at a rate of -2.1 percent in the first quarter of 2014, a May 30, 2014 New York Times story said: “Most economists on Wall Street and at the Federal Reserve blame a very cold winter for much of the slowdown.”

While vacationing with his family in Alaska, President Obama was asked to comment on how weather was affecting overall GDP and the President simply stated: “Thank you for your concern, but I can’t talk right now, I’ve got a wave to catch!”


And that’s your pathetic weekend update.




17 thoughts on “Pathetic Weekend Update

  1. Haha I love the comparison of Kerry to Buddy Pine of The Incredibles (one of my favorite movies!). The Muslim thing was weird, if only because I used to travel a lot, and the flight attendants almost always opened the can of soda for me. Maybe I’m misremembering.

    Liked by 2 people

Herd Mooings

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