Love


How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs? 

I met up with a man a few years ago who was going through a divorce that was devastating his life.  He didn’t want the divorce.  His wife (now ex-wife) wanted it more than he did because she met a man at church, of all places, who persuaded her to leave her husband and take him for everything he had.  

A few months later I ran into a young woman who shared an equally depressing story that her husband of two years had cleaned out their bank account and ran off with another woman.  They are now divorced as well.

Over the course of the past five years I’ve heard story after story about different men and women, all thinking they found “the one”, who got divorced because another person persuaded them or their spouse to leave the marriage.

According to the Pew research center, LESS THAN HALF of kids living in the united states today live in what we deem a “traditional family”.  Compare that to the 61% in the 1980’s and the 73% in the 1960’s. 

On the whole, remarriage is on the rise – four in ten new marriages include at least one partner who has been married before, however, the number of adults who have ever been remarried now stands at 42 million — a threefold increase since 1960. 

Furthermore, divorce has been found to be contagious.  Basically, it’s been suggested that if a friend or close relative gets a divorce, it dramatically increases the chances that you will too. (“Hey look!  that cow just walked over there to graze.  Must be better prairie grass.  I’ll just go over there and find out…”)  Sound familiar?  

Conversely, there are a record number of Americans who have NEVER been married, and this is the group that I happen to fall into.

I’m a 43 year old man who has never been married. 

My reason isn’t because I’m against marriage or against women or relationships in general.  It’s not because there’s something wrong with me or because I’m afraid of commitment.  (By the way…ladies…you have to stop using that excuse as a reason to make yourselves feel better when a man doesn’t want to get married.  If a man stops pursuing or doesn’t propose…it’s not because he’s afraid of commitment, it’s because he’s not interested in marrying you.) 

No… my reason is because I finally realized that no one on this earth can provide what I’ve been searching for…True, Untainted, Unconditional Love.

I’m a traditional guy.  I believe in traditional marriage, not the huff and fluff of today’s psycho babble that gets spewed out by the numerous puberideologists who want everyone to accept and believe that love equals attraction and attraction equals sex, therefore, sex equals attraction and attraction equals love, so sex must equal love as well.

(Puberideologists: created using the words ‘puberty’ and ‘ideologist’.  I define it as: “living your adulthood with the assumption that the mindset you had during puberty is still relevant.”) 

I’m sure that there are people in this world who can truly love another human being without putting stipulations on that love, but I haven’t met that person.  So again, let me ask my initial question:

How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs? 

Hollywood spews out one type of “love”.   Journalism spews out another type.   Mom and dad spew out a completely different type of “love”, and then you have the churches spewing out a type of “love” that appears to be healthy and unconditional, but is tainted with the ideology of human “love” where it’s no longer unconditional love that’s practiced.

It’s confusing as hell!

The nature of MOST men is that of hunter and gatherer.  We’re providers and we believe that loving someone means that we provide for their needs, but that is something women don’t want us to do anymore because they provide for themselves. 

They protect themselves. 

They don’t “NEED” a man (their words), so they reject the love men provide without realizing they are doing it, which leads men into a tailspin because men genuinely want to be protectors and providers.  It’s how we show love.  We’re like that house cat that proudly catches a mouse and then delivers it to our owner’s doorstep.  Okay, bad analogy…but you get the point. 

Men want to be respected in society and in relationships for what they can bring to the table, but when you’re indirectly told that you’re not needed …  well … how do you feel when you’re told you’re not needed by someone you want to love?

Sadly, the world is bombarding men with the idea that we aren’t worth the dirt we were created from. 

It’s pathetic and humiliating.  So again I ask the initial question…

How am I supposed to love or be loved when the world’s ideology of love is more pathetic than Monte Python’s Black Knight trying to convince the White Knight that he can still fight with no arms or legs?

Kind of a pathetic question, but every pathetic question has a pathetic answer.  Feel free to share your thoughts.

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27 thoughts on “Love

      • I couldn’t wait to read your reply when I got home! 😉

        I never tried eHarmony, but did try Match.com … all I really learned from that experience is WHO I don’t want to date and what characteristics I’m NOT interested in. It was an interesting experience to say the least.

        Liked by 1 person

        • lol! I actually laughed out loud when I read your initial question and since I was at work, my co workers gave me a few weird looks. 😉

          What you said is exactly the same thing I learned from my online dating experience as well. Thanks to those websites I have developed a higher standard in my choices. Sounds like you did too.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. So many excellent comments. All I can add is “hang in there”. If it is meant to be, it will in His perfect time. One day I should post about how JD and I met after many years of living in the same neighborhoods. We wound up meeting in another state!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s a good post. This part is very true, “I finally realized that no one on this earth can provide what I’ve been searching for…True, Untainted, Unconditional Love.”

    That’s the kind of love you’re supposed to get from a relationship with God. Spouses are more like a partnership, a friendship, icing on the cake or the cherry on top of your sundae. You’re never going to find unconditional love in a person, nor should we really be seeking it there. That’s a Godly kind of love, something you don’t need a marriage for, something that is available to all.

    As to marriage, being poor helps 😉 No money to afford a divorce. You’re right, the odds are stacked against you and the world is an unfriendly place for marriage right now, but it’s still a worthy goal. Nothing ventured, nothing gained?

    Many men who have been deeply hurt by marriage failures, invested too much of their identity into marriage, into another person, and sometimes all their finances. I’m serious about a relationship being only that cherry on top of your life and your identity. There needs to be a strong foundation within yourself, a good relationship with God, so that you are protected emotionally if the rug gets ripped out from under you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well, I wish my husband believed that loving someone means that he provided for my needs, because he provided for none of my needs (including all the important ones) and now we’re divorcing. I wish it only took love to make a great relationship, but it also takes personal responsibility and responsibility to your partner. Without that (commitment), you have nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • exactly! thank you!! You’re the first person to actually understand what I was trying to convey.

      I’m so sorry that your marriage is ending, I really am because marriage is a big deal and takes two individuals who are willing to lay down their lives for the needs of the other, and it appears from what you’ve said that that didn’t happen.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If I would have read this during my first marriage, or right after, I would agree with you. I married a woman who was deeply damaged and pretended to be someone she wasn’t, and was able to pull it off for a long time. There were signs of cracks, but I had made a commitment, so I stuck around even as her mask fell off. I was never going to even consider marriage again.
    Then I met Hannah. I am one of those who wants to provide for her, and did, but then I got sick, and she loves me anyway. I provide other support, comfort, and security (last night was a potential example of the security) and I know it isn’t needed, we both know we could do it on our own, but she lets me know it is wanted. And I think that is how you need to see things…look for someone who wants you, not someone who believes they need you. Because eventually, those women will decide they don’t after all, or you will dislike that they are half people who need another to feel whole.
    Sorry for the novel.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Facts and figures on marriages, divorce, remarriage, yep read ’em all. According to them, Hubby and I didn’t stand a chance (both divorced so second time for each of us) and it would have ended in tears in couple of years.
    Agree with the ‘catching’ bit too…… once one party realises they are likely to have a nice cash payout because their friend did, they’re down to the solicitor.
    Previous Live-in relationships turn sour as soon as the marriage certificate ink is dry.
    Comparisons are killers, be they from the immediate parties concerned, friends or interfering in-laws.
    Green grass or the green eyed monster, solicitors are the only ones to benefit from wads of green cash.

    Hubby and I have been wed 24 years and as he says, he’d have got out for good behaviour years ago. Thing is, he loves me to pieces (aah and likewise, double aah) and doesn’t want to get out. Lucky me.
    We had nothing to offer except ourselves when we met in 1989, and marriage was the last thing we were looking for. These days we still have each other because we grew together as a couple rather than Him and Me.
    Maybe you’re trying too hard and Love will hit you in the face when you least expect it! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Come on! Pick yourself up! Dust yourself off and BE A MAN!!! True love is out there, 100%. You and the one you’re destined to be with, can still have an equal, and loving relationship, without men needing to, excuse my French, lose their balls!!!!
    😊😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What a sad society we live in, that genuine love is so hard to come by. We seem to have so much choice now that the grass always appear greener on the other side, regardless of how good we have already got it already.
    There are still some women who want to feel protected by their man, Yes many of us are independent and can look after ourselves, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate having someone by our side who wants to be the hunter and gatherer.
    There surely must be a woman out there who like yourself, is looking for that genuine love connection that you also seek. I hope you find each other 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

Herd Mooings

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