I had the displeasure of growing up with sisters who decided that when they didn’t want to do a chore that they considered dirty or messy, they would find a way to dump it on me. This happened quite often, and being the prudent, loving brother that I am, I caught on to their game early on in life and found ways around their schemes so they would be forced to do the things they knew how to do but never wanted to do.
In light of this information and since my sisters did their best to annoy me, I felt it necessary to create a list of dirty or messy things that I believe everyone should learn how to do in life and probably don’t.
I know that some will disagree with a few things on this list, but many of these things are needed for survival, and it would be in the best interest of everyone out there if they knew how to do these things.
Most of the things on this list are known as “typical manly things”, but I don’t think these should be considered “manly things”. Women should know this stuff too, and for that reason if I’m ever blessed with daughters, I’m going to teach them this stuff. Only because I believe in gender equality.
Well…I believe in gender equality up to a certain point and that certain point is when it comes to having a child. Ladies, that’s yours and yours alone!
I should also note that this is not a “how to” guide, nor is it a “things I find attractive” list. It’s just a list of things I believe everyone should know how to do, because hey! You never know when these things might become necessary to save your life one day.
1) Bait a hook for fishing
“Give a person a fish, they eat for a day; teach a person to fish, they eat for a lifetime.” – Well…as long as they aren’t afraid to bait the hook.
Worms are disgusting, but I always find it amazing that a woman can change dirty diapers, clean toilets, pick up laundry, take care of sick people, and work on another woman’s hair that may or may not be clean; yet she’s afraid to pick up a worm that squiggles in her fingers and thread it on a hook. That’s just weird.
And men…you’re not immune. If you can get your hand greasy when you tear apart an engine, go a week without showering, perform surgery on another human being or wear the same pair of underwear for a month straight and you can’t pick up a worm and thread it on a hook…well…
that’s not weird…that’s pathetic. Grow a pair!
2) Load/shoot/clean a weapon
In redneck country I believe that every little boy and girl is taught how to load, shoot and clean a weapon by the age of five. I’m pretty certain that it’s a prerequisite for graduating out of kindergarten into first grade. So, it would behoove the rest of you to learn this as well. My reason for this, is that you never know when the time will come that a weapon is needed to shoot wild game to feed your family or to ward off/protect yourself and your home.
3) Mow lawns
Mowing can be dirty work, especially if it’s 95 degrees and humidity levels are off the charts. But it’s more about keeping your lawn neat and tidy than it is about survival. Unless your lawn looks like the jungles of Vietnam, in which case you’ll probably have nasty varmints or venomous snakes living in your lawn and then it becomes a means of survival.
Learn how to mow and it’ll never get to that state.
4) Start a fire outdoors without matches
Not so much dirty and messy as it is laborious.
Women always seem to look to men to start a camp fire, partly because they know that men like to build fires and partly because women just don’t want the task of gathering wood; but in my opinion women need to know how to do this as well as men. Especially when there are no matches and all you have is a flint and some dry grass. Or worse yet…just a plastic bottle. <– click the text to check out the video.
A camp fire is important because without it, there’s no heat and no light and no way to cook the fish you caught that day. Camp fires can also help keep animal predators away from the camp site, so it’s best to learn how to make a fire especially if you don’t have any matches.
5) Change a flat tire
I once asked a woman I was dating if she knew how to change a flat tire…her response was: “yeah, 1-800-triple-A”. We both laughed at her answer, but then I realized she was serious. She had no idea how to change a flat tire, and to my surprise…most women don’t know how to change a flat tire. But it’s not just women…it’s men too!
It’s wise for everyone to learn how to do this because you never know when you’ll be stuck on the side of the road in the back woods of Kentucky and can’t wait for Triple A to show up. Can we say Deliverance?
6) Hunt for game/Field dress a deer/Cleaning fish
This goes along the same lines as baiting a hook for fishing and load/shoot/clean a weapon. And after doing some in-depth research on the topic (I called a friend who lives in Georgia) I found out that hunting, field dressing a deer and cleaning fish are the final exam for all middle school students in the deep south. Okay…not really!
But hunting, trapping and fishing are only part of the fun. The other part is being able to clean what you bag. Truth is, too many people rely on someone else to harvest the meat from the wild game they just caught/killed. It’s best for you to learn this art because you never know when you’ll be stuck in the back woods of Alabama or Tennessee and the crazy nut jobs from overseas will try to pull a Red Dawn. When that happens, you’ll only have a matter of minutes to get your deer field dressed and your fish cleaned and prepped for storage.
Let’s pray Red Dawn never actually happens, but with all the unrest in the world, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before it hits our borders.
7) Hands Only CPR
This is a no brainer. Again, not dirty and messy, but laborious. My point to adding it to the list is because it could save a life of a loved one someday.
8) Check/change engine oil
Did I just hear a collective sigh from the entire female gender?
How many of you fail to check your engine oil every month? Answer: about 99% of you! There may even be a few of you reading this that are asking, “Engine oil? What’s that?”
Weeelllll…it’s the stuff that makes your car engine keep running smoothly. I shouldn’t poke fun at the women out there. It’s not their fault they don’t know this stuff. It’s the man’s fault for not teaching them!!!
And quite sadly, a large percentage of men don’t know that the car they drive needs oil for it to run properly either.
So, ladies…learn where the oil dipstick is. And I don’t mean the man in your life!! I mean under the hood of your car so you can check the level of the oil as well as the color BEFORE the “check oil/engine” light comes on. This way you’ll know when it’s low and when it needs to be replaced.
And guys! If you don’t know this either…learn it before your wife reads this and asks you where it is.
I’ll never understand when a person says that communication is the most important part of a relationship and then says they rarely ever or never pray.
How exactly do you expect to know about God if you never talk with Him? How do you expect Him to know anything about you if you don’t tell Him?
Sure, He’s God…He knows everything…but He’s a relational God and wants you to talk with Him. So, my advice is that you learn how to pray and communicate with your God, Savior, Lord and King. You never know what your prayers to a righteous God who loves you can accomplish if you don’t pray.
Also, if you feel weird doing it…that’s normal…but the easiest way to learn is to just start talking. He’s a really great listener.
10) Snaking a clogged drain/toilet
This isn’t the most entertaining job in the world. Matter of fact, I hate having to do it. But since it’s my hair down that drain, it’s nice to know how to remove it when I can’t afford to call a plumber or when I don’t have someone around to help me.
I’m sure you all agree. Right?
Okay…well…never mind then. Just let the drain remain clogged. I’m sure it’ll eventually take care of itself.
Many of you will make excuses for not learning how to do these things, but I just want to be clear…
Most of your excuses are pathetic, because unless you’re physically disabled, you all have the capabilities and skills needed to learn how to do each of the things listed.
Not learning a trade or skill is just pathetic.