Dirty and Messy


 bait1

I had the displeasure of growing up with sisters who decided that when they didn’t want to do a chore that they considered dirty or messy, they would find a way to dump it on me.  This happened quite often, and being the prudent, loving brother that I am, I caught on to their game early on in life and found ways around their schemes so they would be forced to do the things they knew how to do but never wanted to do.

In light of this information and since my sisters did their best to annoy me, I felt it necessary to create a list of dirty or messy things that I believe everyone should learn how to do in life and probably don’t. 

I know that some will disagree with a few things on this list, but many of these things are needed for survival, and it would be in the best interest of everyone out there if they knew how to do these things. 

Most of the things on this list are known as “typical manly things”, but I don’t think these should be considered “manly things”.  Women should know this stuff too, and for that reason if I’m ever blessed with daughters, I’m going to teach them this stuff.  Only because I believe in gender equality. 

Well…I believe in gender equality up to a certain point and that certain point is when it comes to having a child.  Ladies, that’s yours and yours alone!

I should also note that this is not a “how to” guide, nor is it a “things I find attractive” list.  It’s just a list of things I believe everyone should know how to do, because hey!  You never know when these things might become necessary to save your life one day.

 

1) Bait a hook for fishing

“Give a person a fish, they eat for a day; teach a person to fish, they eat for a lifetime.” – Well…as long as they aren’t afraid to bait the hook. 

Worms are disgusting, but I always find it amazing that a woman can change dirty diapers, clean toilets, pick up laundry, take care of sick people, and work on another woman’s hair that may or may not be clean; yet she’s afraid to pick up a worm that squiggles in her fingers and thread it on a hook.   That’s just weird.

And men…you’re not immune.  If you can get your hand greasy when you tear apart an engine, go a week without showering, perform surgery on another human being or wear the same pair of underwear for a month straight and you can’t pick up a worm and thread it on a hook…well…

that’s not weird…that’s pathetic.  Grow a pair!

2) Load/shoot/clean a weapon

In redneck country I believe that every little boy and girl is taught how to load, shoot and clean a weapon by the age of five.  I’m pretty certain that it’s a prerequisite for graduating out of kindergarten into first grade.  So, it would behoove the rest of you to learn this as well.  My reason for this, is that you never know when the time will come that a weapon is needed to shoot wild game to feed your family or to ward off/protect yourself and your home.

3) Mow lawns

Mowing can be dirty work, especially if it’s 95 degrees and humidity levels are off the charts.  But it’s more about keeping your lawn neat and tidy than it is about survival.  Unless your lawn looks like the jungles of Vietnam, in which case you’ll probably have nasty varmints or venomous snakes living in your lawn and then it becomes a means of survival.

Learn how to mow and it’ll never get to that state.

 

4) Start a fire outdoors without matches

Not so much dirty and messy as it is laborious.

Women always seem to look to men to start a camp fire, partly because they know that men like to build fires and partly because women just don’t want the task of gathering wood; but in my opinion women need to know how to do this as well as men.  Especially when there are no matches and all you have is a flint and some dry grass.  Or worse yet…just a plastic bottle<– click the text to check out the video.

A camp fire is important because without it, there’s no heat and no light and no way to cook the fish you caught that day.  Camp fires can also help keep animal predators away from the camp site, so it’s best to learn how to make a fire especially if you don’t have any matches.

5) Change a flat tire

I once asked a woman I was dating if she knew how to change a flat tire…her response was:  “yeah,  1-800-triple-A”.   We both laughed at her answer, but then I realized she was serious.  She had no idea how to change a flat tire, and to my surprise…most women don’t know how to change a flat tire.   But it’s not just women…it’s men too!

It’s wise for everyone to learn how to do this because you never know when you’ll be stuck on the side of the road in the back woods of Kentucky and can’t wait for Triple A to show up.  Can we say Deliverance?

6) Hunt for game/Field dress a deer/Cleaning fish

This goes along the same lines as baiting a hook for fishing and load/shoot/clean a weapon.  And after doing some in-depth research on the topic (I called a friend who lives in Georgia) I found out that hunting, field dressing a deer and cleaning fish are the final exam for all middle school students in the deep south.  Okay…not really!

But hunting, trapping and fishing are only part of the fun.  The other part is being able to clean what you bag.  Truth is, too many people rely on someone else to harvest the meat from the wild game they just caught/killed.  It’s best for you to learn this art because you never know when you’ll be stuck in the back woods of Alabama or Tennessee and the crazy nut jobs from overseas will try to pull a Red Dawn.  When that happens, you’ll only have a matter of minutes to get your deer field dressed and your fish cleaned and prepped for storage.

Let’s pray Red Dawn never actually happens, but with all the unrest in the world, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before it hits our borders.

7) Hands Only CPR

This is a no brainer.  Again, not dirty and messy, but laborious.  My point to adding it to the list is because it could save a life of a loved one someday.

Learn it.

8) Check/change engine oil

Did I just hear a collective sigh from the entire female gender?

How many of you fail to check your engine oil every month?   Answer:  about 99% of you!  There may even be a few of you reading this that are asking,  “Engine oil?  What’s that?” 

Weeelllll…it’s the stuff that makes your car engine keep running smoothly.  I shouldn’t poke fun at the women out there.  It’s not their fault they don’t know this stuff.  It’s the man’s fault for not teaching them!!!

And quite sadly, a large percentage of men don’t know that the car they drive needs oil for it to run properly either.

So, ladies…learn where the oil dipstick is.  And I don’t mean the man in your life!!   I mean under the hood of your car so you can check the level of the oil as well as the color BEFORE the “check oil/engine” light comes on.  This way you’ll know when it’s low and when it needs to be replaced.

And guys! If you don’t know this either…learn it before your wife reads this and asks you where it is.

9) Prayer

I’ll never understand when a person says that communication is the most important part of a relationship and then says they rarely ever or never pray.

How exactly do you expect to know about God if you never talk with Him?  How do you expect Him to know anything about you if you don’t tell Him?

Sure, He’s God…He knows everything…but He’s a relational God and wants you to talk with Him.  So, my advice is that you learn how to pray and communicate with your God, Savior, Lord and King.  You never know what your prayers to a righteous God who loves you can accomplish if you don’t pray.

Also, if you feel weird doing it…that’s normal…but the easiest way to learn is to just start talking.   He’s a really great listener.

10) Snaking a clogged drain/toilet

This isn’t the most entertaining job in the world.  Matter of fact, I hate having to do it.  But since it’s my hair down that drain, it’s nice to know how to remove it when I can’t afford to call a plumber or when I don’t have someone around to help me.

I’m sure you all agree.  Right?

No?

Okay…well…never mind then.  Just let the drain remain clogged.  I’m sure it’ll eventually take care of itself.

Many of you will make excuses for not learning how to do these things, but I just want to be clear…

Most of your excuses are pathetic, because unless you’re physically disabled, you all have the capabilities and skills needed to learn how to do each of the things listed.  

Not learning a trade or skill is just pathetic. 

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “Dirty and Messy

  1. Once, when I was in college, my roommate and I got a flat tire on the highway while we were on our way back to school after a weekend visit home. I was changing the tire when a police officer stopped to make sure we were ok. He didn’t offer to help because he didn’t know how to change a tire! LOL! So he stayed to watch and supervise until we were safely back on the road. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOL. Listen, I can do or could learn to do any of those things. But really when I read “snake a clogged drain” or “change engine oil” I just snort…that’s why I have money. To pay people to do those things. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! I grew up as the only girl with brothers and I of course had to do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc. ad nauseam while my brothers got a pass. I raised 2 sons and by golly they are handy around the house. In fact they both cook better than I do! Enjoy it more too. I agree that most tasks (childbirth being an exception 😉 should be gender neutral, but if something is totally outside your wheelhouse, it’s cool to get help. If I were out in the middle of nowhere, I could change a tire, but on the busy highway in my city, 1-800-AAA it is!

    Liked by 1 person

    • good for you! Wise parenting is teaching and training up your children to perform the tasks necessary for living and survival. Cooking and cleaning are two of those tasks.

      Thanks for the comment. 😉

      Like

  4. I can do CPR and would do it of course and I pray. Everything else I can’t or won’t do. Anything involving worms or creatures is a no no and I am a dunce when it comes to cars,Oh hang on, I do know how to change the oil but I never do it. I have a husband to do all of that!
    I know, I am PATHETIC!

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! It’s not so much about changing the oil as it is knowing how to check it and fill it when it’s getting low. There are so many people who never even think about it. they put gas in their cars a couple times a month, but never lift the hood to check the other fluids.

      As long as you have someone who does it, that’s not so pathetic…but if you didn’t even bother, now that’s pathetic!! lol

      thanks for the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I completely agree with what you’re trying to deduce here. I too believe that there are certain tasks in life which are often deemed as ‘manly tasks’ and that women are seen incapable of doing it, so they end up not even trying a hand at it.

    Even though, out of all the things you mentioned above, I think lighting a fire outdoors and changing a flat tire is the most imperative.
    These two are life saving techniques.

    Oh, and I don’t know both of them. But I will learn, damn right I will.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My husband is a police officer. He agrees 100% with your #5. When girls would have a flat on the side of the road, he would make them change the tire while talking them through it. He said often the girls would be upset (“can’t you just do it for me”) but, after they did it, always thanked him.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “I had the displeasure of growing up with sisters who decided that when they didn’t want to do a chore that they considered dirty or messy, they would find a way to dump it on me.”

    Wait….is that wrong?? 😉

    You’ll be happy to know, I can do all those things, almost. Changing the oil, not so much, but I can check it and top it off. I can clean fish and small game, but it gets a bit shaky when it comes to deer. Haven’t loaded a gun or shot for years, so we’ll go with a bit rusty there, too. I am rather amazing at starting fires, however. Makes my husband downright nervous 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL. YES! it was wrong of my sisters to do that to me. 😉

      As for the rest of your comment, I’m proud to know you…I’m sure your husband is as well.

      Like

  8. Ugh. This is like the Olympics! I know the logistics of changing a tyre, but have never done it. I can, however, MOW THE LAWN…I don’t mow the lawn, but I CAN if need be. I can/do pray. I think the rest are well beyond my capabilities….most especially the worm!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can do all of those things except field dress a deer, not because I think it is too messy, but because I’ve never gotten the opportunity. Both my father and brother hunt and enjoy the field dressing, so I’ve just never had the chance to do it. Some day though! I learned to take apart, clean, and reassemble a gun in the 4th grade at a handgun safety class AT SCHOOL… I also learned gun safety and shooting. I can also clean a rifle… did that many times for the dad and brother. I started a fire once with my glasses 😀 pretty proud of that. Anyway, I agree with you, all of these are MUST learn and do things.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. […] I got back up again around ten. I did the dishes. Put the groceries away when Dave came back from town with them. I then made breakfast. Then I watched an episode of “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” on Netflix. I also watched three episodes of “Storage Wars” Then Dave said he was done with the computer so here I am. I read and commented on I Refuse To Follow Your Blog’s Article “Dirty and Messy” https://irtfyblog.wordpress.com/2015/05/04/dirty-and-messy/ […]

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I do not know how to do #2 . I may have loaded and shot a bb gun once, does that count?

    I have not started fires without matches. I gave the water bottle fire starter video a look-see. It was interesting. It reminded me of the time when I was four and burnt holes in my ugly orthopedic saddle shoes.

    I go fishing, so I know how to bait a hook and clean a fish. I do not hunt but have helped clean the pheasants and grouse my husband brought home. He gave up deer hunting cause they gave him the big brown sad eyes as he stared at them down the barrel of his shotgun. I bet he could do it though if we had no other source of food if Red Dawn happpened though.

    I grew up with 3 brothers. Most of the time I wanted to be right there doing the boy stuff. My oldest brother was a Boy Scout he got their magazine Boy’s Life. So when I was old enough I joined Brownies.You having sisters you probably know that is the first step in becoming a Girl Scout like Cub Scouts is to Boy Scouts. Well I was really disappointed in Brownies we didn’t go camping, fishing or any of the cool stuff my brother did or that was in the Boy’s Life I read.

    Needless to say I did not continue Brownies the next year. Now don’t get me wrong I still did girl things like play with dolls and played dressup. But I still preferred playing with matchbox cars in the dirt, building roads and tunnels for them and then throwing dirt clods to destroy it all saying it was a meteor shower.

    I don’t think I am too pathetic in the doing of messy or dirty jobs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sounds like a very enjoyable life. Doesn’t sound like you were immune to the messy stuff which is a good thing.

      My sisters were in brownies but never did the girl scout thing. I myself never did cub or boy scouts. I wanted to, but it wasn’t something I was interested in. I just wanted to enjoy life.

      Thank for sharing. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Me too actually because I can’t either! Im a city boy and married a country girl. Knows how to be a lady too…darn near perfect. In fact she is the only thing that ever managed to get me to act actually start setting foot in a church building. God is pretty smart that way.

        Liked by 1 person

        • 🙂 yes He is. That’s a pretty amazing story in and of itself. I’m happy for you that God brought someone into your life who had such a wonderful influence on your spiritual and physical life. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

Herd Mooings

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s