Flowers bloom, trees bud and the grass turns from a dead brown into life-filled green.
The birds, who happened to build a nest in the tree directly outside my bedroom window, start singing around 5:00 AM just to annoy me. (I really have to chop down that tree.)
And ignorant members of the herd begin basking in sunshine without applying sunscreen with the sincere belief that they will dodge a proverbial bullet and never get skin cancer.
But something else about these warm spring days that most of us pay little or no attention too, is that the fresh spring air has a way of bringing out the lustful need to procreate in both the male and female genders.
And because of this lustful, libido-driven desire to mate-up; many cattle will drop their inhibitions, lose all sense of self restraint and begin the playful search for someone of like-minded passionate foreplay.
All the while men will drink beer, smoke cigars and watch television until something inside them generates a desire to search out a commodity that will satisfy their internal cravings. Normally, all it takes is for a woman to walk in the room or a Victoria’s Secret commercial to interrupt their movie.
Personally, I think it’s just a natural cycle of life, but I as I started writing this post I began asking myself…(I do that a lot, mainly because there’s no one else around to ask my questions to)…where do the cattle go in search of some young stud or heifer who shares the same robust desire to mount or be mounted?
And as I perused the internet of corruption, the answer came to me like a slap on the head from a V8 commercial…
Online Dating Websites!!
I would like to say I have never tried online dating, but that would be a lie.
I tried it sporadically over the course of the past fifteen years (yes, I’m that old) and believe it or not, I attempted to use online dating back in the day when people actually thought online dating was for the pathetic loser who couldn’t get a date no matter how hard they tried. (That should tell you everything you need to know about me!)
But today, the sphere of online dating sites is pathetic-a-plenty and just like porn, can be found on just about every corrupt corner of the world-wide-web-os-sphere.
If you think that I’m over exaggerating, take for example, the other day as I was on youtube watching a video of a guy who got a puppy… (If you like puppies, click >here<)…anyway… for those of you still reading this post…as I was on youtube, this random advertisement popped up for a muslim dating site. Here’s an image of the advertisement:
Nothing too flashy about the ad. Just a picture of a relatively attractive woman with a lazy eyebrow (HA! Made ya look!) and some non-offensive text. However, as I refreshed the page a few times, one advertisement after another popped up for random dating websites.
A dating site for Christians, American Africans, American Mexicans, American Natives, Fitness Junkies, single people over a certain age and the list goes on.
With the bombardment of dating advertisements it made me wonder if the internet was giving me subtle clues that I need to start dating again. And then it occurred to me that in marketing everything has a season.
Christmas season is the time for buying gifts for family and friends. Summer is the time for vacations, grilling out and spending time outdoors, and winter is the time for automobile accidents and indoor activities; so we’re bombarded with advertisements geared to make us shop for things related to those activities.
And Spring . . . Well . . .
Spring is Twitterpated season.
Marketing divisions of online dating websites know this and will spend countless resources to advertise more heavily during this time of year with the sincere hope of enticing people to join their site.
However, and quite honestly, I believe the true motives of online dating sites is to lure people onto their site who possess a unique venereal disease so they can find someone else to share it with…but that’s purely my own opinion. I have others, but I’ll save those for another post.
(side note…dating sites should start using a new marketing campaign with the slogan: “Responsible for spreading more STD’s than any other dating website!”
It may not build a lot of trust in the site, but it would be funny as hell!)
Personally, after having tried online dating I would rather use the old fashioned approach where I walk up to a woman and start a casual conversation. If things go well, I’ll ask for her number…if things don’t go well, we both walk away and no harm is done. At least this way I can get a pretty good idea if she’s twitterpated because of body language. Online dating sites don’t allow for that.
Wow, I have no idea where I’m going with this…how pathetic is that?!?
Okay…so to sum it up, Spring season leads to twitterpated people, which leads to heavy advertisements from online dating websites, causing many of the cattle to join them in search of a quick romp in the hay, STD’s and unplanned pregnancy.
I think that says it all.
Twitterpation is Pathetic!