Flowers bloom, trees bud and the grass turns from a dead brown into life-filled green. 

The birds, who happened to build a nest in the tree directly outside my bedroom window, start singing around 5:00 AM just to annoy me.  (I really have to chop down that tree.)    

And ignorant members of the herd begin basking in sunshine without applying sunscreen with the sincere belief that they will dodge a proverbial bullet and never get skin cancer.

But something else about these warm spring days that most of us pay little or no attention too, is that the fresh spring air has a way of bringing out the lustful need to procreate in both the male and female genders.

And because of this lustful, libido-driven desire to mate-up; many cattle will drop their inhibitions, lose all sense of self restraint and begin the playful search for someone of like-minded passionate foreplay.  

Twitterpated3Women will primp, poke and pluck themselves until they feel attractive enough to present their personal wares to the male gender.

All the while men will drink beer, smoke cigars and watch television until something inside them generates a desire to search out a commodity that will satisfy their internal cravings.  Normally, all it takes is for a woman to walk in the room or a Victoria’s Secret commercial to interrupt their movie.  

Twitterpated4Personally, I think it’s just a natural cycle of life, but I as I started writing this post I began asking myself…(I do that a lot, mainly because there’s no one else around to ask my questions to)…where do the cattle go in search of some young stud or heifer who shares the same robust desire to mount or be mounted? 

And as I perused the internet of corruption, the answer came to me like a slap on the head from a V8 commercial…

Online Dating Websites!!

I would like to say I have never tried online dating, but that would be a lie. 

I tried it sporadically over the course of the past fifteen years (yes, I’m that old) and believe it or not, I attempted to use online dating back in the day when people actually thought online dating was for the pathetic loser who couldn’t get a date no matter how hard they tried.  (That should tell you everything you need to know about me!) 

But today, the sphere of online dating sites is pathetic-a-plenty and just like porn, can be found on just about every corrupt corner of the world-wide-web-os-sphere.  

If you think that I’m over exaggerating, take for example, the other day as I was on youtube watching a video of a guy who got a puppy… (If you like puppies, click >here<)…anyway… for those of you still reading this post…as I was on youtube, this random advertisement popped up for a muslim dating site.  Here’s an image of the advertisement:  


Nothing too flashy about the ad.  Just a picture of a relatively attractive woman with a lazy eyebrow (HA!  Made ya look!) and some non-offensive text.  However, as I refreshed the page a few times, one advertisement after another popped up for random dating websites. 

A dating site for Christians, American Africans, American Mexicans, American Natives, Fitness Junkies, single people over a certain age and the list goes on. 

With the bombardment of dating advertisements it made me wonder if the internet was giving me subtle clues that I need to start dating again.  And then it occurred to me that in marketing everything has a season. 

Christmas season is the time for buying gifts for family and friends.  Summer is the time for vacations, grilling out and spending time outdoors, and winter is the time for automobile accidents and indoor activities; so we’re bombarded with advertisements geared to make us shop for things related to those activities.  

And Spring . . .  Well . . .

Spring is Twitterpated season. 

Twitterpated1The time of year where men and women fall into a self-driven, libido induced frenzy to find someone to mate with. 

Marketing divisions of online dating websites know this and will spend countless resources to advertise more heavily during this time of year with the sincere hope of enticing people to join their site. 

However, and quite honestly, I believe the true motives of online dating sites is to lure people onto their site who possess a unique venereal disease so they can find someone else to share it with…but that’s purely my own opinion.  I have others, but I’ll save those for another post.    

(side note…dating sites should start using a new marketing campaign with the slogan:  “Responsible for spreading more STD’s than any other dating website!” 

It may not build a lot of trust in the site, but it would be funny as hell!)

Personally, after having tried online dating I would rather use the old fashioned approach where I walk up to a woman and start a casual conversation.  If things go well, I’ll ask for her number…if things don’t go well, we both walk away and no harm is done.  At least this way I can get a pretty good idea if she’s twitterpated because of body language.  Online dating sites don’t allow for that.

Wow, I have no idea where I’m going with this…how pathetic is that?!?

Okay…so to sum it up, Spring season leads to twitterpated people, which leads to heavy advertisements from online dating websites, causing many of the cattle to join them in search of a quick romp in the hay, STD’s and unplanned pregnancy.  

I think that says it all. 

Twitterpation is Pathetic!   






34 thoughts on “Twitterpated

  1. This had me laughing out loud. I tried E-harmony 11 years ago (before I was married of course) but didn’t get too many matches. Online dating (or any dating in general) sounds ROUGH! Good luck in your twitterpating adventures! Oh yes, I forgot to ad that on my Pandora account I kept getting ads to date local single black men. I was like, “what’s my husband going to think of this?” He’s going to think I’m going to find a super hot black man, that’s what (he’s really white like me)! Ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How funny…..I knew animals were all about mating in spring, but I never really considered that spring was the time when people felt ‘that need’ too….thought that was sort of a year round thing for us! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha! Very funny.

    I’ve visited a couple of onllne dating sites and naturally my husband caught me. I had to give the most pathetic excuse ever, “I’m just doing some research?” It was so a pathetic he actually believed me and so we read together and eventually concluded we are both rather grateful we never, ever have to face the dating scene again. Seriously, I empathize. Also it must be very difficult for people to find a date online when they are laughing hysterically at the foolishness of people. Just the same, I do know two very happy couples that met online, so perhaps once you filter through all the nonsense anything leftover is a rare gem indeed 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL…Your husband “caught you” looking at online dating sites!? Excuse me for laughing here, but that’s hilarious.

      And the fact you used the excuse that you were doing “research” for looking at them…that’s hysterical.

      You should be grateful that you don’t have to go through the dating scene anymore. It’s filled with a bunch of hardhearted people…both genders…who can’t seem to figure out who they are. I think it’s more difficult dating as an older adult because when you’re younger you have a lot of naivety it lets you dream big and take more chances. But as an older adult, mid-30’s and above, you become more cynical and cautious taking into consideration every little detail of a person’s character and interests.

      I know people as well who have used online dating sites to find their spouse, but far too often I’ve heard the nightmare stories of failed relationships and scarey stalker dates that lead me to believe that online dating isn’t for the faint of heart.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve seen good (daughter and son-in-law) and bad (friend and slime) results from online dating. It’s like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it I believe. Daughter had some losers along the way but ultimately met and married our son-in-law, who fits right into our family.

    JD and I met before internet dating was the thing to do. Back in Nevada there was a telephone “dating” service called The People Store. You set up a profile, listened to others’ profiles and they even offered a way for you to speak with each other without having to give out your personal number. I met several interesting men that way. I was dating one 10 years my junior when JD and I started talking on the phone. Several hours into our first call I knew I’d have to end the other relationship. It wasn’t a love match by any means, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair to continue it when I felt there was something special in this new man. The rest, as they say, is history.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is only your second post that I have had the privilege to read. You write about an intriguing topic and you write about it well. I live in a part of Georgia that at least among teenagers prcreating seems to be done all year round and is one of the main topics of discussion when it is not being done…………….sadly. Not everyone has a computer,tablet or even a cell phone but all seem to have the necessary equipment to procreate. If it is possible spring seems to drive soo many of them in to overdrive. Sadly the results of this a never ending cycle of poverty and need………………….sigh You are quite a writer you know?

    Liked by 1 person

    • thank you for your comment. I’m happy to hear you enjoyed these posts.

      It’s amazing to me how much the youth are driven to have sex in our society and you make a good point about how they may not have much technology, but they do have the necessary equipment to procreate. Too bad they don’t know how to limit its use.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sadly I see too many girls who before they get pregnant (at the high school I teach at) who have such a bright future have their future taken away from them because of wanting to please their boyfriends who are still not able to use their brain to think but still use something south of their belt line as a poor substitute,

        Liked by 1 person

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