The Best Excuse

 

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When I was a kid, I used to make excuses for everything after getting caught for doing something wrong, but I never thought about using the one that no one could ever argue with. 

“I couldn’t help it, I was born this way.”

Think about it.  It works for just about everything. 

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Principal:  “Why did you snap that girl’s bra?”

Me:  “I just like to snap things and I couldn’t help it, I was born this way.”

Parent:  “Why did you throw that meatball at your sister during dinner, you knew we were at a fine-dining restaurant?!!?”

Me:  “Because it’s a ball, it’s meant to be thrown, and I like throwing balls.  I couldn’t help it, I was born this way.”  (truth be told, I actually thought she’d catch it and throw it back.)

Teacher:  “Why didn’t you do your homework this past quarter, you realize that you’re failing my class, don’t you!?”

Me:  “Because I’m lazy.  I don’t like doing any kind of work.  I couldn’t help it, I was born this way.”

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The great thing about that excuse, is that rarely does anyone have an argument against it.

And I’m quite positive that if scientists would do enough research, they would find out that I was correct; not only about those reasons above, but also for things such as, I was born to like toast with strawberry jelly, but only on Monday mornings with fried eggs and hash browns.  Other days of the week require that toast have grape jelly, but the toast must be buttered correctly and only lightly toasted…not too crisp or burnt.  

That I was born to like solid colored clothing and nothing with stripes or swirls or anything that is too busy.  

That I was born to make nicknames for people.  Doesn’t matter if you’re friend or foe, you must have a nickname.  It’s just something I was born to do.  

That I was born to like four-wheel vehicles that can crush smaller cars that get in my way on the road or cut in front of me.  Also, I was born to possess a car that has air conditioning for me to use on hot summer days.  It’s a human right in my mind that I have those things!

That I was born to like Dr. Pepper, but when DOC 360 came around I would find that it tastes more like Dr. Pepper out of a soda fountain and would change my preference and start buying it instead of actual Dr. Pepper.   Who knew!?

That I was born to enjoy painting graffiti on bridges and buildings because I think everything in the world is a blank canvas and it’s my personal freedom to express myself as I see fit.  

That I was born to deal with my anger, depression and hurt by walking up to Pinata every morning and whacking her in the head with a stick, just to see if candy really does come out. 

Truth be told, I never knew the power of that excuse until now. 

So from here on out, if anyone wants to know why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do, like the things I like, say the things I say and feel or think the way I feel or think…I’ll just tell them it isn’t my choice, I was born this way.  And if they argue it, I’ll just make them prove I wasn’t.  Good luck with that!

Using the excuse that you were born that way is pathetic.  So is using it to justify any and all wrongful, demeaning or objective behavior just to make people accept your stupidity.  

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