Bad Mood


Just letting you all know that I’m in a really bad mood today, and its been ongoing from the day I found out my ex-girlfriend got married. 

You all should be happy you’re not around me because I’d just complain about all the pathetic crap that I have on my mind.  

Every thought that crosses my mind about her being “happy” just adds to my bitterness, anger, frustration and heartache. 

I’m actually more ticked off at the guy she married than I am at her.  I’m jealous of that pathetic little runt who gets to be with the woman I prayed for, dreamed of and lost because of my own stupidity. 

I tell people she wasn’t all that great, but I’m lying because I’m trying to rationalize the pain away, but with every negative word that I speak about her that I know isn’t true, I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest and crushed under the weight of failing her so miserably. 

She was my friend…and now that she’s married it just makes it so…

so…final.

I’m actually glad that she’s happy, at least I hope she is.  I so wanted to be the man to bring her that happiness…but I couldn’t. 

I think the part that hurts the most is the realization that she didn’t want me.  Even though she accepted my proposal of marriage, truth is…she never really wanted to spend her life with me.

I know God has a plan, but I’m really not okay with this one.

 


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42 thoughts on “Bad Mood

  1. Heartache hurts sooooo much. I’ve been there MANY MANY times. It’s so painful. It seems like it will never end, like you will never get over the person, like you’ll never find anyone again that you loved so much … I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s rough.

    Most of all I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this horrible thing called heartbreak. You’re not the only freakazoid to ride the train of grieving loss. It might feel like you’re the only one who’s had this happen to him (or her), but you’re not.

    You will survive this sh*tty sh*tty @ss-kicked feeling. You will. You can’t see that now, but you will come out of this grey cloud. Just be kind to yourself and know that you loved … don’t beat yourself up and say you should have done this or should have done that … you were being you and if that person doesn’t like you for you, then go f*ck ’em! (not literally, of course!)

    Keep your head up … time does NOT heal all wound, but it is what you DO in that time to help the wounds to heal! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • “time does NOT heal all wounds,but it is what you DO in that time to help the wounds to heal!” <— best comment yet!

      I was just thinking about this as I was reading through the comments here on my posts. Time has never healed any wounds, it was what we did during those times that healed them. being able to surround yourself with loving people who DO accept you for who you are, faults and all, and won't ridicule you for a little mistake. Being able to celebrate your life with close friends, traveling and getting an education…these activities all help with the healing process and over time they help relieve the pain and heartache.

      Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them…and I appreciate you! You're a good friend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm…I have no point of reference and no backstory, so take this for what’s it’s worth given I know nothing about this situation, and would never want to come across as pretentious. 😉 But…all I could think when I read this was that I hope “she” does too. That maybe her knowing your regrets combined with her moving on might just help you release it ALL to God. In my experience, when I still have a lot of “feelings” about something I haven’t really surrendered it to Him. Just sayin’. 🙂 And just for good measure, I hope the real “one” does come along (in His timing) because you just seem like a cool guy and I’m growing quite fond of your sarcasm and quippy words, rooted in faith.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re observation is spot on about my not having surrendered it to Him completely. I know that I’ve held on to the thought of her for far to long, and I need to let it go. I’ve prayed for her for a long time, and God has given me my answer. It’s been difficult over the past week, but it’s life, God has this and my life is His. It always has been and I need to remember that and stay the course.

      Thank you for your kindness and your heartfelt, encouraging words. God Bless you, Tiffany!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I kinda don’t even know what to say other than I really really really (smirk) wish I could take your pain away. Feeling like this sucks. The best piece of advice I ever got while my heart was broken and I was a mess was, “Just make sure you still get up every day, shower and comb your hair.” Seriously, that is good advice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Jane. I appreciate your kindness and yes it is good advice. It’s just weird that I let it bother me so much, we haven’t talked or seen one another in a long time. Normally these things aren’t that big of a deal and I can let them go pretty easily, but for some strange reason, this time…it just hurts a lot more.

      get up, shower, comb my hair everyday…
      get up, shower, comb my hair everyday…
      get up, shower, comb my hair everyday…

      I’ll get it eventually.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If it was i) possible, and ii) I thought it wouldn’t set up some kind of temporal anomaly / paradox making the future events impossible, I’d send a message back to myself in 1984.

    I’d tell myself that although it hurts right now because you and JA have split up, the future has something better in store for you.

    I’d tell myself that although right now it seems as though JA was / is The One, she isn’t / wasn’t.

    She comes later, as does a wonderful, crazy life in another country, complete with an equally wonderful, crazy, multi-lingual daughter of whom you will become insanely proud.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Apparently you couldn’t effect real change…

        You’d either create a new fork in the timeline (Grandfather paradox), where the future you left would always be cut off from you, or the universe would aim to be consistent, meaning that circumstances would always block your successfully completing whatever mission you went back to do.

        Sort of thing. I think.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy about your ex getting married. The thing is I don’t think there is any way of getting out of feeling bad when that happens, even if you and her were not meant to be. You’re human and it would be odd not to feel something so be glad at least for that. I know it thats not too comforting (I’ve née there) but really I mean well. You seem like a caring and thoughtful man which puts you way above a lot of people.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I can 100% relate to this post. The hurt from realizing that she doesn’t want you… Yep, I totally understand how that feels but I am further down the road in processing it. How do you feel you’ve failed her?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Life isn’t over. There are still many curves, stops, and detours along the way. Enjoy driving on the road and see where it leads you. Perhaps this chapter with her isn’t truly closed, just detoured for the time being. Continue on as you see fit and if there’s more to the story, you’ll find her around the bend. (sorry I’m in a car driving mood at the moment).

    Liked by 1 person

    • ya, maybe you’re right…but I’m not okay with the detour ramp at the moment and this life, though it isn’t over, is one that I wish was. The older I get the more difficult it is to accept the losses. I think the reason is because I see how short life is and how difficult and lonely its been up to this point.

      I dunno…maybe you’re correct…maybe we’ll see one another again.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I didn’t want to “like” this because I don’t like it when my friends are hurting. 😦 I’m sorry for your pain. While you aren’t down with God’s plan, remember that He sees everything and knows what’s ahead. Trust Him to have your back, and your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

Herd Mooings

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