Just letting you all know that I’m in a really bad mood today, and its been ongoing from the day I found out my ex-girlfriend got married.
You all should be happy you’re not around me because I’d just complain about all the pathetic crap that I have on my mind.
Every thought that crosses my mind about her being “happy” just adds to my bitterness, anger, frustration and heartache.
I’m actually more ticked off at the guy she married than I am at her. I’m jealous of that pathetic little runt who gets to be with the woman I prayed for, dreamed of and lost because of my own stupidity.
I tell people she wasn’t all that great, but I’m lying because I’m trying to rationalize the pain away, but with every negative word that I speak about her that I know isn’t true, I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest and crushed under the weight of failing her so miserably.
She was my friend…and now that she’s married it just makes it so…
I’m actually glad that she’s happy, at least I hope she is. I so wanted to be the man to bring her that happiness…but I couldn’t.
I think the part that hurts the most is the realization that she didn’t want me. Even though she accepted my proposal of marriage, truth is…she never really wanted to spend her life with me.
I know God has a plan, but I’m really not okay with this one.