Baby Talk


pinata_1

There’s a woman in my office who I refer to as “Piñata”.  

Now when you hear me use this nickname, some of you might jump to the conclusion or insinuate that she’s colorful, has a sweet disposition and that she’s made of a delicate, thin outer shell that breaks easily when hit with harsh words…

If you think that, it’s admirable…but sadly…you’d be wrong.

No…this woman is quite the opposite of sweet and colorful, and her outer shell is as hard as stone. 

So why do I call her “Piñata”?  Well…For starters she’s Mexican.  yeah, yeah yeah…I’m not racist.  I couldn’t give a rats behind what her nationality is just as long as she does her job.  However, the fact that she’s Mexican just makes it that much easier for me to use the nickname: “Piñata”.  

But her being Mexican isn’t the only reason I have labeled her with this moniker.  Another reason is because she’s always hanging around and not working. 

This woman slacks off and pushes her work off on more people than anyone I have ever known.  Plain and simple…she’s lazy.  And this ties into the third reason I call her Piñata…

Every time I see her I get the sudden urge to beat her with a stick. 

It’s true.  I can’t help it, and neither would you if you had to tolerate this woman’s wacky idea of acceptable social behavior every day of the week.  

For instance, yesterday afternoon she received a phone call from her 26 year old niece regarding some “wonderful” milestone that her niece’s three year old child had done that day. 

At first, the conversation wasn’t so bad…some lighthearted laughter, a few choice “hurrah’s” and then a gentle word of affirmation to let the niece know Piñata endorsed the action with a hearty two-thumbs up!  And since I couldn’t hear what her niece was saying, I assumed it was nothing important.  Just random family information that needed to be shared at that moment instead of waiting for a proper time…like say…when Piñata got off work!  

Anyway…I thought it was random family crap up until Piñata asked to talk with the child of the niece, and this is when the conversation took a turn that I can honestly say would have gone viral if I had recorded it and put it online.  Sadly, I did not have my voice recorder so none of you will get to hear the audio version.

I really wish you could have heard it though because when Piñata asked to speak with this three year old who can barely put two coherent words together, she proceeded to have the weirdest most pathetic dialogue I have ever witnessed in my entire adult life.

I will do my best to write out the dialogue for your enjoyment, but please understand that I was only able to get Piñata’s side of the conversation … AND … since there is no audio, the text will lose a lot of depth and meaning without the vocal fluctuations and high-pitched baby talk that Piñata conveyed to not only the three year old child, but our entire office as well.

Without further ado… Piñata’s conversation:

Piñata:  Hi, LeLe!!  (that’s her nickname for the three year old)

This is auntie, Piñata!   I hear you did something special today!  …  (insert creepy laugh that sounds like a witch’s cackle)

Yesssss —  iiiiiiii  — diiiiiid!!  …    LeLe?    …   Are you there?   …   LeLe?   …  (insert the creepy laugh again)

LeeeeLeeeee?!?     … 

Where’s my big girl?  … 

LeeeeLeeeee?!?    …   Did you go poopy today?    …   Did you go poopy?   …  LeLe?  …    Are you there?    …    Did you?     …     Did you go poopy today?      …     Are you a big girl?    …   (insert creepy laugh again)     …      Diiiid   –  youuuu   –  goooo   –   POOOOOPY?!?!     …    Diiiid youuuuu?   …   You are such a big girl!    …    Yes you arrrreeee!     …    You went pooooopyyyy!!    

That dialogue went on for about 10 minutes as Piñata did her best to elicit a response from the three year old on the other end of the line.  The call ended when Piñata’s niece got back on the line, and I’m pretty sure that if her niece hadn’t stepped in, that conversation would have gone on for an hour because Piñata is too stupid to realize that she was having a pathetic, one-sided conversation. 

In retrospect it wasn’t as bad as it could have been…I mean, compared to the conversation my other coworker, “Pippy Long Stocking”, had with one of her daughters about a gynecology exam, this one was pretty tame.  (yeah…now you’re intrigued…I’ll tell you about Pippy some other time.) 

It’s days like this that make me wonder if I work in an office or if it’s a secret government facility that was created to test normal subjects under very weird, very stressful situations.  Just know that the below picture is a constant pose of mine for roughly 85 – 90% of my day…

facepalm3

Having to listen to my pathetic coworkers personal phone calls is extremely pathetic!  

Advertisements

44 thoughts on “Baby Talk

  1. I worked with a guy I referred to as Ponytail Guy until he got his hair cut, then he was Neck Tattoo Guy. If he ever has the tattoo removed I’ll have to resort to simply referring to him as Jackass.

    P.S. I did a poopy today too.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am actually glad you didn’t record this. Your interpretation of the conversation is keenly insightful and has the right amount of contempt added for spice. I am diabetic, and I am sure the original voice of Pinata would’ve been syrupy enough to put me in a coma. I did almost pass out for lack of oxygen, but that was laughing hard, not the glucose level. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We know the same person. Maybe not. I’m probably going to hell for sharing this as the person in question is supposedly dying. But yes, I had a supervisor described exactly as you’ve written. Out of the 8-hour day at the office, she would communicate with her granddaughter in the most high-pitched baby babble for three to five hours on Skype. Afterwards, she’d regale us with tales of her one year-old daughter taking an interest in Beethoven and already showing an ability to do long division. I kid you not. The kid could do long division with her blocks, and bend spoons too.

    This was a daily occurrence. While I’m sorry you have to listen in on this, I’m sure something interesting will come out of it. It can’t be THAT pathetic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL…you’re not going to hell for saying what you said. Well…I don’t think you will. I don’t, and never will, understand why people think that they need to involve their personal lives with their work lives. Nor will I ever understand why management never holds these people to task. Of course, in your case it was management so…yeah. Not good.

      I’m sure we all have those coworkers that we have to deal with, I just wish that someone would have taught us that those people exist in this world long before we had to deal with these people.

      This conversation was one of many that I’ve been subject to, and quite honestly, I don’t think there will ever be a time something interesting will ever come out of it.

      And yes…it is THAT pathetic. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. How pathetic to listen to other people’s conversations. …and what if your boss reads this and finds out you are listening to people’s conversations instead of working? lol

    Liked by 1 person

        • unfortunately, yes. I blame it on the season we’re in. Winter months have a way of becoming a downer for me. how about you? You’re not coming down with a cold are you?

          Like

        • Haha.. that’s funny you asked. I have caught the cold 2 times already this year and you know that! No, I haven’t caught the cold yet again, thankfully! All of the family members had again believe it or not this past week but are now over it. I was the only one that didn’t catch it this time. Whew! I don’t want to get sick anymore..

          How about you are you feeling good still?

          Liked by 1 person

        • I’m feeling good. No sick feelings here. and I hope I never get sick…I’ve been trying avoid anyone who might be ill. It’s not easy. I hope you can stay healthy as well.

          Liked by 1 person

        • sorry about that…I hope you don’t feel like I was ignoring you.

          Yes, it’s taking off, but I’m realizing that having a lot of follows can be a lot of work. lol. I didn’t realize just how much, though. 😉

          Jut wanted to let you know that since you’re one of the first people to follow my blog, I’ll always have time for ya. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  5. This is why I said you sound just like my brother. Not only do his coworkers have annoying phone conversations, they also have no brain to mouth filter.

    One of my brother’s female coworker’s thought it would be nice to tell the whole department exactly why she wants her daughter to take birth control pills. He never felt so awkward.

    Liked by 1 person

    • happy to hear I remind you of someone you love. 🙂 lol. I feel your brother’s pain and believe me, it’s never fun to work with those kind of people. It’s nice that you can listen to him though…we all need someone to vent to after a long day spent in the mental ward.

      Like

  6. Ha Ha Ha! This Pinata person sounds a little deranged to me! However , I am a person who is also obsessed with Poo as I look after elderly patients and have lovely loud conversations with them regarding their bowel habits! I think you need to stop being so….PATHETIC and buy some ear plugs!

    Liked by 1 person

Herd Mooings

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s