Last week I was at a restaurant with my sister’s family. As we were being seated, my ever so loving and ever so observant sister nudged me and said…
“Hey! That woman is hitting on you.”
However, not hearing or seeing anyone talking to me I quickly scanned the area, and to my amazement I saw a table full of eligible ladies…
Red Hat Society ladies.
Now…I have nothing against women over 50, but with a look of bewilderment I calmly turned my attention back towards my sister and immediately responded with,
“Ohhh….riiight! I’m sorry…Are the voices back? Should I call the doctor to get your medication refilled? After all, it IS the end of the month.”
Being of the same quick wit and sense of humor that comes with genetics, she forcefully and not so subtly pointed her finger in the general direction of a young, attractive woman sitting at a table next to us who was obviously staring at me; then abruptly responded with,
“No! You wack-a-doodle! That woman is hitting on you!”
To which I responded,
“Wow…How did I miss her?”
At which point the woman who was staring in our direction took notice of my sister’s lack of tactfulness and responded by ever so quickly looking away.
Yeeeeaaaaahhhh….because quickly looking away doesn’t scream out: “Oh crap! They saw me! I got caught.”
Okay…so the fact that my sister pointed out that I was “being hit on” raised a series of questions and started a conversation that opened a Pandora’s box I should have known better than to open; but being the inquisitive “wack-a-doodle” that I am…I asked her how she defined “being hit on” because I was pretty sure that I had a different definition.
Interestingly, in the midst of our conversation I found out that I was correct. My sister and I have different definitions of what it means to be “hit on”. (hrrmm…imagine that!)
“To Be hit on…”
My Definition: “To have someone talk, make gestures or look at you in a manner that is alluring or leading you to believe they are interested in talking to you in the future.”
Sister’s/Woman’s Definition (From what I gathered from talking with my sister and the three women at the table next to us): “To have a man look, stare or glance in her general direction.
Okay…I know that not every man or woman defines “being hit on” in the same way, but these two definitions are what I was able to cull from the conversation I had with my sister…and believe it or not…the three women sitting at the table next to us, including the woman who was caught staring at me.
The four of them did their best to explain to me that for most women, being hit on is a state of mind and in some cases, physical. It just depends on their mental state at that current moment. However, if a woman should happen to see a man staring or looking at them; then they figure they are being “hit on” regardless of their state of mind.
They continued to inform me that depending on the situation or location, they might not consider a stare, look, glance or conversation with them to mean they are being “hit on”, but in most cases a stare, glance, look or conversation does mean they are being “hit on” because the guy wouldn’t be interested if he didn’t make an effort to look or talk with them.
Yeah…imagine how I felt during that session in the stockyard. To be honest, I had a befuddled look of confusion on my face for most of the conversation; and I remember uttering the words, “huh?” or “what?” quite often.
Believe me when I tell you that I did my best to listen intently as we discussed the matter ad nauseam, and it became apparent to me that women are just…
(…look…ladies, there’s no easy way to say this so please excuse me for being blunt…)
…women are nuts!
In the midst of our conversation I decided to bring up a couple scenarios just to find out what the female perspective was and then I gave them mine. Here’s what I found out…
Scenario #1 — If I’m in a grocery store and ask a female customer where an item is…she won’t assume that I’m hitting on her…correct!?
Answer from a female perspective — Because I could have found a clerk and I didn’t… (I made it a point to ask the female customer) ...that clearly sends the message that I’m attracted to her, thus she believes I’m hitting on her. However…if she doesn’t find me to be an attractive man…which I guess I am because the three ladies kept pointing that out…then I’m not hitting on her because she doesn’t find me attractive, but if the ugly man attempts to continue the conversation then he is obviously hitting on her.
Answer from a male perspective — Nope! I was too lazy to go find a clerk, so I asked the nearest customer to save time.
Scenario #2 — I’m at a restaurant and a woman walks in, she notices me glancing at her while she’s waiting to be seated. Am I hitting on her?
Answer from a female perspective — It depends. For instance, is she in the right “frame of mind” to believe that she’s cute or pretty enough to be hit on that evening? Is the guy well dressed? Who’s he with? Who is she with? Is he attractive? Does he carry himself well? Does she want attention that night? Did he smile at her when he looked at her? Does he have nice hair? blah…blah…blah…
Honestly, there were some other random things that they listed off, but I have the attention span of a 5 year old with attention deficit disorder, so I missed a lot of what they were saying and just waited until I could give them my point of view.
Answer from a male perspective – Nope! I’m in a restaurant, I’m hungry and bored, so unless that woman is wearing a dress made out of beef and chicken, I’m more than likely not hitting on her. Just looking to see who’s coming in the door to pass the time.
Scenario #3 — I’m in my car sitting at a stop light. Another car turns the corner and the female driver looks over and sees me…slows down a little bit and smiles as she makes the turn. I smile back…did I just hit on her?
Answer from a female perspective — Yes! She was interested because she slowed down to get a better look, and she smiled to give a signal that she liked what she saw. Since I looked at her and smiled back, she assumes that I was clearly interested as well, and therefore, I hit on her.
I’m pretty sure this was the look I gave after hearing their answer…
Answer from a male perspective – Nope! The fact that she slowed down was noticeable, but the look and smile was only taken as a friendly gesture and I responded in kind. Nothing meant by it. I didn’t hit on her. I just smiled back as if saying, “hello”.
After reading a post last week on “There’s this thing called biology” I received a better understanding of how men and women view being hit on, and I think it’s safe for me to say this…
Most women feel objectified by a man looking/staring at her, and she should, because that’s exactly what we’re doing.
Men like looking at pretty things, and any time men see something pretty they most certainly want to possess it; therefore, since men see women as pretty things, we men view women as objects and desire to possess said object. Concluding that Men most certainly objectify women when they stare at them.
I could lie and tell you that men never objectify women if they stare, but that would be wrong.
Furthermore, if a man looks at a woman for a long period of time, he’s not necessarily hitting on her…
…maybe he is…
But it’s only mental.
Men have this pathetic idea that they can use mental telepathy to communicate their desires to women they stare at. It’s true. They believe that if they stare long enough, they can “will” any woman into turning around, making her realize that he is the most adorable, most attractive man she’s ever laid eyes on and she’ll be his for life.
It’s all very pathetic…I know; but for the most part guys are wimps and lack confidence to walk up to a woman and talk with her, so they do stupid, idiotic things to try to convince women they are cute, cuddly and adorable.
Seriously, ladies…take note…men are wimps by nature.
The majority of men don’t have the stones to walk up to a woman in person and say “hello”, so to counter this problem they use things like alcoholic beverages and online dating sites to provide them with a false confidence, which allows men the ability to hide their true, pathetic identity and be whoever they want without feeling insecure.
This is the number one reason I believe ALL women should avoid online dating sites and force men to…pardon the expression…”Man-up”. And yes…ladies, you have that much power…if you want a guy to be himself, force him to approach you in person and show you the same respect he desires from you.
(wow…that’s a scarey thought.)
Online dating is pathetic. I’ve tried it…so I can say that without a hint of reservation, and don’t be surprised if you read a rant about this topic in a future post.
Okay…so to conclude…
The overall perspective of how men and women define “being hit on” is really pathetic.