Being Hit On, A Difference of Perspective

be the man4

Last week I was at a restaurant with my sister’s family.  As we were being seated, my ever so loving and ever so observant sister nudged me and said…

“Hey!  That woman is hitting on you.”

However, not hearing or seeing anyone talking to me I quickly scanned the area, and to my amazement I saw a table full of eligible ladies… 

Red Hat Society ladies.   

Now…I have nothing against women over 50, but with a look of bewilderment I calmly turned my attention back towards my sister and immediately responded with,

“Ohhh….riiight!  I’m sorry…Are the voices back?  Should I call the doctor to get your medication refilled?  After all, it IS the end of the month.”   

Being of the same quick wit and sense of humor that comes with genetics, she forcefully and not so subtly pointed her finger in the general direction of a young, attractive woman sitting at a table next to us who was obviously staring at me; then abruptly responded with,

“No!  You wack-a-doodle!  That woman is hitting on you!” 

To which I responded,

“Wow…How did I miss her?”

At which point the woman who was staring in our direction took notice of my sister’s lack of tactfulness and responded by ever so quickly looking away. 

Yeeeeaaaaahhhh….because quickly looking away doesn’t scream out: “Oh crap!  They saw me!  I got caught.”  

Okay…so the fact that my sister pointed out that I was “being hit on” raised a series of questions and started a conversation that opened a Pandora’s box I should have known better than to open; but being the inquisitive “wack-a-doodle” that I am…I asked her how she defined “being hit on” because I was pretty sure that I had a different definition.

Interestingly, in the midst of our conversation I found out that I was correct.  My sister and I have different definitions of what it means to be “hit on”.   (hrrmm…imagine that!)

“To Be hit on…”

My Definition:  “To have someone talk, make gestures or look at you in a manner that is alluring or leading you to believe they are interested in talking to you in the future.”

Sister’s/Woman’s Definition (From what I gathered from talking with my sister and the three women at the table next to us):  “To have a man look, stare or glance in her general direction.

Okay…I know that not every man or woman defines “being hit on” in the same way, but these two definitions are what I was able to cull from the conversation I had with my sister…and believe it or not…the three women sitting at the table next to us, including the woman who was caught staring at me.

The four of them did their best to explain to me that for most women, being hit on is a state of mind and in some cases, physical.  It just depends on their mental state at that current moment.  However, if a woman should happen to see a man staring or looking at them; then they figure they are being  “hit on” regardless of their state of mind.

They continued to inform me that depending on the situation or location, they might not consider a stare, look, glance or conversation with them to mean they are being “hit on”, but in most cases a stare, glance, look or conversation does mean they are being “hit on” because the guy wouldn’t be interested if he didn’t make an effort to look or talk with them. 

Confused yet? 

Yeah…imagine how I felt during that session in the stockyard.  To be honest, I had a befuddled look of confusion on my face for most of the conversation; and I remember uttering the words, “huh?” or “what?” quite often.

Believe me when I tell you that I did my best to listen intently as we discussed the matter ad nauseam, and it became apparent to me that women are just…

(…look…ladies, there’s no easy way to say this so please excuse me for being blunt…)

…women are nuts!

In the midst of our conversation I decided to bring up a couple scenarios just to find out what the female perspective was and then I gave them mine.  Here’s what I found out…

Scenario #1 —  If I’m in a grocery store and ask a female customer where an item is…she won’t assume that I’m hitting on her…correct!?

Answer from a female perspective —  Because I could have found a clerk and I didn’t… (I made it a point to ask the female customer) ...that clearly sends the message that I’m attracted to her, thus she believes I’m hitting on her.  However…if she doesn’t find me to be an attractive man…which I guess I am because the three ladies kept pointing that out…then I’m not hitting on her because she doesn’t find me attractive, but if the ugly man attempts to continue the conversation then he is obviously hitting on her.

Answer from a male perspective — Nope!  I was too lazy to go find a clerk, so I asked the nearest customer to save time.

Scenario #2 — I’m at a restaurant and a woman walks in, she notices me glancing at her while she’s waiting to be seated.  Am I hitting on her?

Answer from a female perspective — It depends.  For instance, is she in the right “frame of mind” to believe that she’s cute or pretty enough to be hit on that evening?  Is the guy well dressed?  Who’s he with?  Who is she with?  Is he attractive?  Does he carry himself well?  Does she want attention that night?  Did he smile at her when he looked at her?  Does he have nice hair?  blah…blah…blah…

Honestly, there were some other random things that they listed off, but I have the attention span of a 5 year old with attention deficit disorder, so I missed a lot of what they were saying and just waited until I could give them my point of view.

Answer from a male perspective – Nope!  I’m in a restaurant, I’m hungry and bored, so unless that woman is wearing a dress made out of beef and chicken, I’m more than likely not hitting on her.  Just looking to see who’s coming in the door to pass the time.

Scenario #3 — I’m in my car sitting at a stop light.  Another car turns the corner and the female driver looks over and sees me…slows down a little bit and smiles as she makes the turn.  I smile back…did I just hit on her?

Answer from a female perspective — Yes!  She was interested because she slowed down to get a better look, and she smiled to give a signal that she liked what she saw.  Since I looked at her and smiled back, she assumes that I was clearly interested as well, and therefore, I hit on her.

I’m pretty sure this was the look I gave after hearing their answer…


Answer from a male perspectiveNope!  The fact that she slowed down was noticeable, but the look and smile was only taken as a friendly gesture and I responded in kind.  Nothing meant by it.  I didn’t hit on her.  I just smiled back as if saying, “hello”

After reading a post last week on “There’s this thing called biology” I received a better understanding of how men and women view being hit on, and I think it’s safe for me to say this…

Most women feel objectified by a man looking/staring at her, and she should, because that’s exactly what we’re doing. 

Men like looking at pretty things, and any time men see something pretty they most certainly want to possess it; therefore, since men see women as pretty things, we men view women as objects and desire to possess said object.  Concluding that Men most certainly objectify women when they stare at them.

I could lie and tell you that men never objectify women if they stare, but that would be wrong. 

Furthermore, if a man looks at a woman for a long period of time, he’s not necessarily hitting on her…


…maybe he is…

But it’s only mental.

Men have this pathetic idea that they can use mental telepathy to communicate their desires to women they stare at.  It’s true.  They believe that if they stare long enough, they can “will” any woman into turning around, making her realize that he is the most adorable, most attractive man she’s ever laid eyes on and she’ll be his for life.

It’s all very pathetic…I know; but for the most part guys are wimps and lack confidence to walk up to a woman and talk with her, so they do stupid, idiotic things to try to convince women they are cute, cuddly and adorable. 

Seriously, ladies…take note…men are wimps by nature. 

The majority of men don’t have the stones to walk up to a woman in person and say “hello”, so to counter this problem they use things like alcoholic beverages and online dating sites to provide them with a false confidence, which allows men the ability to hide their true, pathetic identity and be whoever they want without feeling insecure. 

This is the number one reason I believe ALL women should avoid online dating sites and force men to…pardon the expression…”Man-up”.  And yes…ladies, you have that much power…if you want a guy to be himself, force him to approach you in person and show you the same respect he desires from you. 

(wow…that’s a scarey thought.)

Online dating is pathetic.  I’ve tried it…so I can say that without a hint of reservation, and don’t be surprised if you read a rant about this topic in a future post.

Okay…so to conclude…

The overall perspective of how men and women define “being hit on” is really pathetic.



58 thoughts on “Being Hit On, A Difference of Perspective

  1. My definition is even more restrictive than yours. I’d say it’s to actively pursue/advertise the possibility of a date. If I’m not flirting I basically don’t call it hitting on someone. Of course I will throw out cheesy lines like ‘Hey do you have a band aid because I skinned my knee falling for you.’ Just because I want to make a girl smile. So take that with a grain of salt.

    Their definition makes total sense to me though. It boils down to if she feels like she’s being hit on, she’s being hit on, and her feeling hit on is determined by how much she wants to feel like she’s being hit on. So if you’re attractive pretty much being in the same room will make her feel like she’s being hit on.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LMAO! I have to say two things…I completely agree with your assessment of the scenarios and definition of being hit on. Looking at someone does not equate to interest. That person may have a piece of lettuce in their teeth and for whatever reason, you just can’t look away. Second, my husband and I met each other online, and while it’s true a lot of people are crazy, it is possible to have a positive experience and meet good people. But I will agree with you about the insecurity/lack of confidence thing…on our first date, my future husband said, “I just have to tell you that you are even more beautiful than your picture online, so now I’m really nervous, and I talk a lot when I’m nervous….” LOL! I found his honesty to be refreshing and endearing. And it got him a second date. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • hey Wanda! awwwww…that’s a special story and one of success that I rarely hear about. Most online dating stories I hear about are not positive in the slightest, so it’s nice to hear about one that actually worked out.

      Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it and I’m happy to hear that it made you laugh . 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I have a couple of ridiculous stories from online dating, but thankfully I only did it for two months before I met Dan. I was able to weed out most of the crazies before I met him. LOL! But I loved this post….it was hilarious!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I have my fair share of bad online dating stories as well, but I choose to keep those safely tucked away in the recesses of my mind, never to let them see the light of day. 🙂 LOL…

          Thanks! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • I don’t know.

          I actually questioned whether or not I might have been hitting on you just by “approving” this comment. I might be hitting on you if you perceive it to be so, but I might not be if your mind set isn’t having that perception. Either way, and according to the four women at the restaurant, yes…I just hit on you because I’m talking to you and looking in your general direction. – This is so complicated. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

        • okay, just so I’m clear…do you perceive “liking” or “approving” of a comment as being “hit on” in an online comment section…or just the reply and smiley faces?

          Or is there an alternative to the madness that we’re creating here?

          Liked by 1 person

        • The like meant I approved of your new habit of hitting on me. Liking or approving of a comment is situational. It very much depends on how I perceive that person and if I would be willing to be hit on by said person. Sometimes I just like the content not the packaging. Like they may have written something brilliant but be a very unpleasant person otherwise.

          Liked by 1 person

        • So it IS all about perception?! And I see your point about the packaging, however this brings up another question altogether…how would we have known that you or I were hitting on one another if we hadn’t conveyed our intentions?

          This is good stuff and I’m always eager to learn more about how people’s perceptions are motivated. btw…since I’m continuing the conversation, I’m obviously interested in talking to you, therefore I am still hitting on you; but only because I perceived that you were interested in continuing the conversation through your reply.

          Liked by 1 person

        • This conversation is hilarious! Alright so lets talk….With women, but really I believe with men too, it is all perception. Life is where it’s at because of perception, life changes because of perception, choices are weighed on perception. Perception is the activator or procrastinator of dreams to fruition. A compass sort of.
          But with me communication is key. I dont let people assume if I am hitting on someone or just being friendly. I am not afraid to publicly “friend zone” someone if I am wanting to be preventative and set expectations so they aren’t crossed right away or if they just went ahead and jumped over the fence. Because then it gets awkward…I am not good with awkward. Lol. So especially online you are right…how would we have really known without just assuming based on how we perceived the other person.

          Liked by 1 person

        • lol. yes, this conversation is very hilarious and I’m glad you find it to be such.

          You bring up a very good statement about how perception is “sort of” a compass for our life. We all perceive things differently and in that we become individuals, each having our own distinct thoughts on an issue, behavior or conversation.

          Which makes it all very relative to the individual’s involved in any conversation and at any given moment.

          Relatively speaking, I’m not sure I would ever perceive to understand another human being completely without them telling me exactly what they are meaning, inferring, thinking or saying; so for me, communication is key as well.

          As a man, I’m pretty clueless as to whether someone is hitting on me. I don’t go into everyday life thinking that every woman I meet is hitting on me just because she looked at me and smiled. I’m a friendly person and try my best to treat others the way I want to be treated, so my perception of a smile is just that…a smile. It’s the verbal communication that gives me more information about how a person is thinking and what they are feeling. I mean…we’re not mind readers…so body language isn’t a good barometer for me with other people.

          So, from your comment, I gather that you’re a woman who is up front with her intentions and expects that from others as well? (i’m assuming you’re a woman based on your image.)

          Liked by 1 person

        • Haha…Yes! I am a woman. Perceptive indeed 😉. Most men are very linear and literal in the way they absorb information. This is why I am upfront. I’ve learned. Lol. And yes I do expect honesty and upfrontness from the other in return. But….hence my poetry….I’ve been burned…a few times and loved where I wanted to perceive something that wasn’t. Or we didn’t match perceptions. Or they hate my poems. Which they do.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Being upfront is a great attitude to have, especially when it comes to men. We men need to know what a woman is thinking and most women don’t convey their motives very well when it comes to men and the “friend zone”.

          And I can’t imaging who would hate your poems. You’re not dating the right guys. lol. You’re a great poet and the verses have such a deep and meaningful message. I’m sorry you’ve been burned, and I could tell from your poems that you have experienced some hurt in your life. Those words don’t come from living a happy, carefree, I don’t give a rats a$$ about life attitude. 🙂
          So…this conversation is getting rather long…do you mind if we take this conversation to email or is that out of the question?

          Liked by 1 person

    • lol! you’re learning things from my blog? that’s uncalled for! I never meant to educate people with my posts. 😉

      it was amazing learning about how these women perceived when, why and how they were being hit on. it was all very educational and mind boggling at the same time.


  3. Interesting post! Made me think about when I think a guy is hitting on me. To be honest it’s confusing a lot of the time. Sometimes you catch a guy staring, but they immediately look away when you catch their eye. Then I don’t usually think they’re hitting on me. But sometimes a guy will look at you with what I call the hard stare. It’s a trying to see right through you stare that usually makes me feel uncomfortable. And if you’ve made me feel uncomfortable you don’t have a chance! Anyway, it usually has to be more of a look before I really feel like I’m being hit on. Smiling is always nice. Even if you’re not interested. Just makes the day a bit better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah…the whole staring at someone too long is not hitting on someone…that makes a person feel like Hannibal Lecter is sizing you up for a seven course meal and a fine Chianti. Creepy.

      Sometimes the smile is nice, but it’s the long stare with the smile that can be even more creepy. I’ve had women do that to me and I have to say…it’s weird.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for punching the “on” switch for my pinball machine as you juggled between explaining female and male perspectives. It did remind me of the time when my friend nudged my shoulder and said, “Ooooh, that police officer was LOOKIN’. AT. YOU. He’s interested. Go talk to him!”

    We were in a public school waiting in line to see my friend’s kid in a musical.

    I didn’t quite get it. He just smiled. He didn’t even have fine written all over. But alas, subjectivity.

    Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lol…thank you for your story, but I’m curious, which kind of “fine” did the policeman not have written all over him? Did you mean, “Hey baby, You look ‘FINE’!” or “Here’s your fine for loitering.” ? 😉

      Also, I’m happy to be of service with your pinball machine thoughts on this issue. Male…female…does it really matter the perspectives, both genders are mostly wrong 99 percent of the time when they see someone looking at them. Personally, I don’t think someone is hitting on me or another person unless there is verbal communication, but according to my sister and the three ladies in the restaurant..I’m wrong. 🙂 We can’t win. it’s all pathetic.

      Thanks for your comment! 🙂


      • I mean, someone has to speak with me before I can assess their intentions. And usually my intentions are wrong.

        I’m sure he would have fined me for jaywalking because they actually enforce that here. He wasn’t fine-looking, I think. He looked twelve. But that’s usually what happens to short-statured guys who shave meticulously, for whatever reason.

        Liked by 1 person

        • see, I feel the same way. If you’re staring at me, I don’t know what to think of that. I mean, do i have something on me? is my fly open? did I forget to wear pants that day? So, yeah…I understand what you’re saying and I can’t make any assumptions about someone’s intentions until we speak to one another. And I’m normally wrong about their intentions as well because I’m clueless when it comes to women anyway.

          Do you have something against short-statured guys who shave meticulously?

          Liked by 1 person

        • Ah! I understand, but I’d rather not assume. It only makes it difficult for me to think correct thoughts. 😉

          Honestly, we men hate to shave, and in my experience shaving was always what I did more often when I was dating someone. I did it for her (whoever ‘her’ is) because they hated the scruffy look and the whiskers against their faces.

          It sounds to me like your better off not being with a guy who’s mom has issues with her son’s grooming habits. You don’t want an in-law like that.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha, loved reading this!! Too funny!! Wow, I’ve had some of these same discussions and I can definitely see both sides!! Hehe!! Hilarious! Thanks for the laughter! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Meh. Don’t be too quick to discount the Red Hat Society Ladies trolling for young blood. I’m not a member, but I hear they are a pretty lively bunch.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Interesting post. It really brings home the point that there are advantages to being too old to participate in the dating scene. At least if I’m in the grocery store and ask an attractive young man to reach the soup can on the top shelf, he can be pretty sure I’m not hitting on him, especially if he has a grandmother who resembles me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. That was really well done. Good job. Sometimes I think of women existing in subjective reality, while men want an objective definition of just about everything. One thing I do know about women, perception is everything, so if some unattractive stranger on the street looks at us, that’s bad, that’s objectification. But if somebody we find appealing does the exact same thing, it’s not objectification at all! The problem is you cannot teach or monitor standards of behavior based on whatever is going on in somebody’s head at any given moment. Women are crazy.

    Also, good point about the on-line dating. I don’t think it’s particularly good for men because they never really learn what works and what doesn’t. In real life, women turn you down, you take risks, you gain skills, you figure out what works. LOL, it is not for wimps! On line however, you could just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, but with a new set of women each time, never really understanding what the problem is.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your comment!! It was very perceptive and very well articulated.

      I was going to touch on the topic of unattractive men looking at a woman on the street, because the gals I spoke with at the restaurant brought up the very issue, but I didn’t want to get into that because it would have made my post really, really long. 🙂 lol …

      Awesome point about the online dating as well, and I never thought about how men will do the same mistakes over and over again without learning anything while they are online. Very well done and thank you for the input! I appreciate your comment and am learning a lot from your blog. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. JD and I met via a telephone dating service way back before the Internet was a thing. Okay, the Internet was a thing but online dating wasn’t yet. And he agrees with you; guys don’t feel comfortable approaching women, especially seriously hot women because of the dread they’ll be rejected. I think many women feel the same way, though perhaps we hide it better at times. Thanks for the smiles this afternoon.

    Liked by 1 person

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