If you read my Casual Friday post, you know that I confronted a coworker for dressing a bit…how should we saaaay?… TOO casual for a Friday. And normally I don’t really give a diddly squat about what people wear, but pajamas is where I draw the line.
So, if you happened to enjoy that post, you’ll more than likely enjoy this one because it’s along the same lines, just … not a pajamas story
… nor is it a confrontation
… nor is it as humorous…
You probably won’t enjoy this story…
Nonetheless, at the beginning of last week the higher-ups decided that in loo of a bonus for our hard work this year, we all would have the esteemed pleasure of being able to dress casually for the remaining two weeks of the year.
That’s correct. Our “annual bonus” is being able to wear jeans to work with a dress shirt that I already wear every — other — day — of — the — year.
Cheap bastards can’t even splurge for a few measly bucks. I bust my hump all year long to make sure they meet their stupid quotas and this is the thanks I get? Bunch of low-life, pieces of shhhh…
sorry. Just had to vent there for a sec…
When we get these memos, I don’t consider them to be a big deal. Mainly because my attire is made up of clothing I deem to be “casual” anyway so the whole idea of wearing jeans doesn’t make my bitterness level decrease or my enjoyment level spike out of negative numbers.
However, it is a big deal to the velveteen yard ornament who works in the cubicle next to me.
Why do I refer to them as the velveteen yard ornament, you ask? Weeellllll…
During these next two weeks my coworker will wear the exact same velour jumpsuit with matching gold chains every single day.
Don’t get me wrong…I don’t have a problem with the jumpsuit. I mean, my coworker can rock this thing! Looks like something straight out of the ’80’s, but where I DO have a problem is the odor that starts to linger from their cubicle because they refuse to wash the jumpsuit.
In my personal opinion I think they refuse to wash the jumpsuit because they hate me, but that’s a story for another post.
Just know this…after a couple days the aroma that waifs across the aisle and into my little area of personal sovereignty isn’t… (how do I say this tactfully?)…
It’s not delightful at all, and it’s not pleasing to the nasal cavity in the slightest.
Believe me, I’ve tried to lay down hints without being mean or blunt.
I don’t want to offend them.
For example, last year I began by asking them if they were a little short on change to make it to the laundromat.
I then mentioned the stain on the front of their pants and asked if they owned a washing machine. I even suggested that they could use mine if theirs was broken. (Just so you know…the stain never disappeared over a two week period.)
A couple days later I practiced my fainting spells and even demonstrated how a mustard gas attack would affect the members of the office (I know…subtlety isn’t my strong suit), but none of that seemed to make an impact.
Finally, I had to pull them into the conference room and kindly inform them that their clothing was a bit ripe and needed to be washed.
They went straight to management and told them I was harassing them, and management wrote me up for…and I quote… “not getting along with coworkers because I don’t like what they wear to work.”
…long heavy sigh…
Oh how I long for the day that I can finally have my own office, and I don’t have to worry about the smells that come from the disrespectful velveteen yard ornament sitting next to me.
Coworkers who can’t wash their clothes for two weeks are really, REALLY pathetic!